CRAP Contest and American Idol is tangible proof of evil (838 hits)
Category: Politics -> IraqRating: 0.11 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by el Wardo (View user info) at 2006-05-26 13:20:57 EDT
So is anyone else with me when I say that American Idol does not speak for me? Is this really what music has come to? Don't get me wrong, Kelly Clarkson kicks all sorts of ass, but what is that, like 1 for 6? If I was working on a nuclear weapons disarmament team and that was my success rate, I wouldn't be fired, I'd be dead.
Now I'm not saying the creators of the show deserve the same, swift fate. No, I hope theirs is much slower and involves dwarves with tack hammers. Clay Aiken? I mean, were you serious with that one?
Fuck it, whatever. That's just one more thing we can shovel on to the steaming pile of shit that has become pop culture. But as they say, like flies on shit...
So here's my idea - and if we're keeping with the trend of things that is my life so far, this is probably going to be a failure, but I would like to start up the first ever Crazy, Ridiculous, and Peculiar Contest. Or more simply put, the CRAP contest. I know, clever, right?
I'm sick of all these serious contests clogging up the front pages of Uber. What with their serious rules, their serious themes, and their seriously gay entrants. Yeah, I've been in them, wanna make out?
So here are the rules:
1) Food intake - Eating food before writing is optional. Sometimes this can give you an upset stomach, and so if you plan on eating some sort of red meat, I suggest you make sure it is cooked thoroughly. Also, try not to put too much butter on it, a high cholesterol is bad for your life expectancy, and something tells me most of us aren't going to like it when we die.
2) Random drug testing - Entrants will relieve their urines in cups when asked by the Commissioner and Tournament offices, but the results are subject to any appeals labored by the accused in the event of a positive test. Banned substances can be found here -- http://www.msnbc.com/modules/BannedSubstances/default.htm or here -- http://www.barrybondsandbalcofriends.com
Appeals must be sent within 48 hours with $100 US (non-refundable)
3) Random Match-ups - I hate normalcy just like the rest of you, so match-ups will be completely random, but there really is no way to determine if I'm telling the truth. If you know anything about me, chances are I'm cheating. Good luck.
4) Titles, Themes, and... - Yeah, since when did posting on Uber have restrictions? Go fuck yourselves, you bunch of rule-making pinko Nazi-commies, go fuck your stupid asses. This contest is all about the essence of all that is Uber. Two posters, against two walls. Wait. No. That doesn't make sense.
Here's the deal, there are no titles and themes to deal with. This is a fight to the death of two Uber gays to show who can actually put together the better post. One of you might be good with fiction, while the other is good at starting band wagons. Whatever, I don't give a shit what you do, just try and have some fun while doing it. That's what I say to my girlfriend every time she sees me naked.
5) Voting and Winning - You win by getting the most votes, not the most +2's. Fuck the ratings system, it only leads to problems, especially when its not anonymous. I don't have time for problems, I'm dealing with cancer right now. Not really, but I could be, so don't make me have to deal with some lame ass shit. Votes count as one review, good or bad, by another user. Users cannot vote twice by reviewing multiple times.
6) How to let people know you're in the CRAP Contest - Fuck these stupid titles with AKREJOI and FUaflDLk and OIWENLK in the front, it only makes people want to click on your lame ass shit less. I'm not saying you can't put CRAP Contest in your title, go ahead if you want to be labeled a Nazi-gay, but putting at the bottom of your post: This has been a CRAP Contest Round 1 entry - should suffice. But be creative as you please. After you've posted, linkwhore that bitch in the results post and try not to die. If you die before the round is over, sorry, but you lose. Enjoy Hell.
7) Fair Play - Since when has Uber been a place of fair play? Nudie shots, death threats, and middle fingers are all fair game during normal Uber hours, so the same goes here. The Contest Commish will always be watching, but don't expect a DQ unless you wind up bloody, raped, and missing a kidney in a random Kentucky motel. Odds are, you are partly to blame - after all, you did have two kidneys. Selfish prick.
That should about do it. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know. I will now be taking entrants through Tuesday or something. Actually, whenever I decide we have enough participants. As has been the general rule for the last ten years of my life, if no one enters, I have no problem playing with myself.
This has been a CRAP Contest Production.
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:33:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
repost it wardy, and I'll play.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-28 14:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA
FILENAME
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-07-28 13:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck it, i'm going to try and get this up and running.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-07-28 13:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, i thought it'd be a sweet competition, but whatever...
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-28 13:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think I ever saw this. I would have played. I join every contest on Uber, whether it's a contest or not.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-06-11 20:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 to negate Zanatos. Poor kid, I mean, he's already in Wisco!
Submitted by Zanatos (user info) at 2006-06-11 20:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
meh. -2 because you write like you think you're an authority on creative writing...
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-05-28 18:34:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2die for thinking ANYONE off American Idol is anything other than completely crap, fucking pop-music faggots.
Kelly Clarkson sucks all kinds of cock for spare change.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-05-26 17:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-05-26 17:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh come on! not one of you?! COME ON!!!!!
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-05-26 14:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
well that's just great, now i'm really fucked. i've got to go coach, i'll be back. i'm expecting somewhere in the neighborhood of zero entrants by the time i get back, but who knows. maybe someone will surpise me...
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-26 14:28:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it was really just a bizarro comment on your gayness
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-05-26 14:22:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
SOUL PATROL SOUL PATROL SOUL PATROL SOUL PATROL
SOUL PATROL
SOUL PATROLSOUL PATROLSOUL PATROLSOUL PATROLSOUL PATROLSOUL PATROLSOUL PATROLSOUL PATROLSOUL PATROLSOUL PATROLSOUL PATROL
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-05-26 14:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that was not a +2. so does that mean you're in? trust me, commitment is the last thing that is required in this contest. i mean, did you see it in the rules?
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-05-26 14:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I fear commitment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-05-26 14:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
+2 for not being gay
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-05-26 14:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i think this is the worst turnout ever for an uber contest... sweet jesus...
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-05-26 13:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no. you rule. so you want in? huh? wanna join?
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-05-26 13:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
clay aiken RULES
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-05-26 13:30:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, and the winner of the contest will be deemed "The King of All Things Crap" -- don't bother me with some bullshit about it being a masculine moniker, I am against political correctness in every shape and form.
That, and it's not like a woman is going to win anyways.