To Catch a Predator gone horribly awry (830 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.86 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wasabi (View user info) at 2006-05-27 11:08:12 EDT
This one, for some strange reason, is inspired by Jack McCallum's post detailing "To Catch A Predator", which can be found here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/88383 (which I'm sure you've all read).
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Chris Hansen (CH): Hi, I'm Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC and you are on camera.
Random Pederast (RP): No shit? Where's the camera at? Is it hidden?
CH: Yes. There's more than one.
RP: No fucking way? Like in Punk'd?? Or that Lampoon show? Is it in the flower vase?
CH: That's not important.
RP: How the hell do you do that? You have people at NBC who make special cameras in flower vases? That's a weird job. Can I see it? Hi mom!
CH: OK... You just said hello to your mom on national television, after being caught trying to have sex with a 14 year old...
RP: Where IS Oscar? He still coming out? Bring on the hairless He-Man doll!
CH: Oscar being the 14 year old you were going to have sex with?
RP: Hell yeah, where you got him hiding?
CH: Oscar doesn't actually exist.
RP: DAMN! What kind of shit is that?
CH: But, you freely admit, on camera, that you were going to have sex with a 14 year old?
RP: Why do you keep saying that? That's why we're both here isn't it?
CH: I'm not here to-
RP: Shut the fuck up man, don't lie to me; we were gonna sandwich the minuscule Tater Tot with hot love!
CH: No, no, no... I think you must be confused as to what's happening to you right now.
RP: The only confused mother-fucker in this house is you man; bring his tight little ass out here!
CH: I- oh my god... *clears throat* What, exactly, did you plan on doing here tonight?
RP: The same thing you were planning on.
CH: Which is what precisely? Can you explain in detail?
RP: You a virgin? God damn! You're a virgin aren't you? I knew it! I could tell just by looking at you!
CH: No, I'm not a virgin-
RP: Yes you are! It's OK with me man.
CH: NO, no I'm not. That's hardly the issue here. YOU were going to have sex with a 14 year old.
RP: While... what? You just gonna watch Virgy?
CH: Stop saying that! I'm not a virgin.
RP: So you've had sex with 14 year olds?
CH: What? NO I haven't- can we get back to the item at hand?
RP: Oscar having sex with virgins?
CH: That's not it; you were talking about Oscar having sex with himself.
RP: What the fuck? He's just gonna pull on his tiny kid pecker while we BOTH watch? This is some fucked up shit.
CH: I- dammit, that's not what I meant to say.
RP: Are you gay dude? Were you gonna try and fuck me while Oscar jacks off in the corner? Does that get you off or something? Little kid tuggin' his twig?
CH: I'm most certainly not gay!
RP: Whoa whoa, you're a gay virgin aren't you?
CH: I AM NOT GAY!
RP: But you are a virgin?
CH: God dammit, can we cut the tape?
RP: Who the hell you talking to? Oscar? Is he the one filming this? That's pretty fucking kinky dude.
CH: Cut tape!
RP: You gotta little kid locked up somewhere, filming himself jackin' off, so your gay virgin ass can get all horny.
CH: Just stop talking.
RP: And then you fuck me, little kid watching the whole time. That's messed up.
CH: Shut the fuck up. You're the pederast!
RP: Fuck you! I ain't the one got a 14 year old kid strokin' his wee Willy Wonka in the back room.
CH: That's not what's- god dammit, where are the cops?
RP: Yeah, where the fuck are the cops? Your sick ass need some help! Fuckin' gay virgin child molester!
CH: You son of a bitch! Come here!
RP: Help! Police! This man is crazy!
CH: I'll fucking kill you!
Policeman: Freeze! Both of you flat on the ground!
RP: Oh my god officer, this gay virgin was trying to rape me! Thank god you're here! Don't make me lay flat on the ground, I don't know what he'll do!
Policeman: Chris Hansen, what, exactly, did you plan on doing here tonight?
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-05-29 00:41:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahah
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-05-28 19:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-05-28 17:17:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hot
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-05-28 00:55:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was outstanding and funny
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-05-28 00:49:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OILERS TO THE CUP CELEBRATORY +2! WHOOOO!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-05-27 17:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done.
Submitted by wasabi (user info) at 2006-05-27 17:51:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well hot damn!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-05-27 16:03:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-05-27 15:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-05-27 11:12:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA this was awesome. Good stuff.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-05-27 14:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i have a boner.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-05-27 13:55:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well hell, that was a fun read!
Reminds me a little of this oldie...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44609
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-05-27 12:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-05-27 12:49:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-05-27 12:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-05-27 12:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2006-05-27 11:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-05-27 11:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA this was awesome. Good stuff.
Submitted by I_love_Kracka (user info) at 2006-05-27 11:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you!!