A Babe in The Jungle: Lets Learn About Rum (1163 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.78 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Caes (View user info) at 2006-05-28 19:45:10 EDT
On the Friday, we all set out on another excursion. Most of us went on a catamaran trip and swam with fishies, and three of us went on a tour of Puerto Plata, the city we landed in. I was one of those three people, and I kind of wish I went on the catamaran dealy, but the trip I went on was interesting as well. Actually, kind of educational.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MAY TEACH YOU STUFF
We set out on a comfy, air conditioned bus, passing through all the little villages and towns we passed through on the way to the resort from the airport. Little scooters and cars darted around all over the place and I thought we were going to kill at least one motorist on the trip, but we didn't. It seems that in the Dominican Republic, things like road signs, lane dividers, and the right-of-way are more like suggestions than laws. I wonder if Dominicans know what a helmet is.
Our tour guide (Robelio, I think his name was) told us a few things about the DR in a lazy, accented drawl. Apparently, there are very few homeless in the Dominican, despite rampant poverty. Robelio said that the family ties are very strong, and people look after each other and share everything. It's not uncommon, he said, for a family of 20 to share one car. This kind of made me feel good; that poverty does not necessarily equal squalor and crime. Why can't WE get that right? Robelio was very surprised to find out that we have homeless people in Canada...partially because he seemed to be under the impression that all Canadians have money, and partially because he knows that it gets cold enough in this country to kill you if you stay outdoors too long.
Robelio also talked about the political structure. Mostly he complained about the political campaigning that apparently goes on non-stop. I did notice a hell of a lot of "vote for this guy" signs -- it's not like it is over here. Where in North America, you see a few signs stuck in people's lawns and here and there, there were signs EVERYWHERE in the Dominican. Big signs, too; like, three times the size of a movie poster. I even saw one or two signs painted permanently on buildings.
I couldn't really read what they were all about (though the gist of it was usually, "Hey, vote for this guy"), but if I had to vote, it would definitely would be for the party that chose a silhouette of a bull with giant balls as its symbol. I mean, how could I not vote for that? I wish I had gotten a picture of it. Moo, motherfucker.
Robelio said that there's a presidential election every four years and a congressional election every four years, and that they're offset by two years. He says as soon as the election for the congress is done, signs for the upcoming presidential election will go up.
"The politicians, they always come riding through the towns, smiling. But once they get elected, you never see them again," Robelio lamented. "Then they don't care about you anymore."
"Sounds like our country," someone remarked.
"Really?" Robelio asked, wide eyed.
"Yeah. I think politicians are the same worldwide." The bus filled with murmurs of agreement.
Anyhoo, our first stop was the Brugal rum factory. On our way in, Robelio pointed out the sugarcane fields. This is what rum is made from. He said that harvesting the sugarcane is hard work with little pay, so during harvest season they usually illegally employ Haitians to do it. Haiti is the only other country on the island, and is at the top of the list of the poorest country in the western hemisphere. Nice to see outsourcing works in other countries too.
So. Brugal is the third largest supplier of rum in the world (behind Bacardi and Captain Morgan, respectively), and it all comes from the factory I was in. Our factory tour guide said they produced 4.8 million cases of rum last year (with 20 bottles per case -- that's a fuckload of rum). The stat that boggles me is, they only export 20% of it -- the remaining rum is consumed in the Dominican Republic itself. So, 76 800 000 bottles of rum got guzzled by a country with an estimated population of 7 998 966. I think there's more people in New York City. Though, one has to keep in mind that tourists probably drink a lot of that. But still.
As you might imagine, rum there was pretty cheap. We went to the gift shop after, where they were selling 26'ers of rum for five American dollars. The most expensive rum they had was aged 4 years, and it was 7 dollars. They also sell 151 there...that's rum that is 151 proof, or 75.5% alcohol. I don't see the point of it, as it's basically fatal. It's actually illegal to bring anything over 150 proof into Canada, so I didn't bring any back with me, but I wish I had because it would have been cool to light it on fire and make people go blind by mixing it into their drinks.
In fact, I came across an illegal bottle of 151 rum after I returned to Canada, and after immediately reporting it to the authorities, I read the warning label on the back. Here's what it cautioned:
-- Do not use for flaming dishes.
-- Do not remove/puncture the flame arrester (this was just a little perforated cap that was sealed onto the mouth of the bottle).
-- Removing flame arrester may cause contents to ignite and intense flaming will occur.
-- May flare up and continue to burn when ignited, possibly with invisible flame.
Wait, wait, wait. Fire can be INVISIBLE?? That is fucking AWESOME.
* looks nervously around the room *
I hope nothing in my apartment is on fire right now...
Anyway, after that we went to the Amber Museum. Amber is basically hardened tree sap -- yes, the very same tree sap that trapped dinosaur DNA so that foolish scientists could create JURASSIC PARK and then get eaten by dinosaurs while a nearby Jeff Goldblum stammers ineffectually. "It's where the idea for Jurassic Park came from!" This was pointed out to us several times during the visit.
Apparently amber is relatively rare and valuable, and the DR is one of the largest sources of it in the world. They even have all five types of amber (green, blue, gold, red, and, uh...chartreuse? Ah, whatever. Go look it up if you're curious). We got to see some amber specimens that contained prehistoric bugs and stuff. There was one amber stone that had a half dozen tiny little lizard eggs in it. It was pretty cool.
We went to a gift shop where we could purchase a ton of amber related goodies. There was also a lot of larimar jewelry, which I can't be arsed to check if I'm spelling correctly (larimar is their national stone; it's a light blue colour, very nice - 'lari' being the name of the daughter of the person who discovered it, and 'mar' meaning 'the sea' which is in reference to its colour), and a wide array of fine cigars. I don't smoke, but if I were to start, it would probably be a cherry cigar, or vanilla cigar, or a 'mocha-with-a-hint-of-brandy' cigar.
As we drove around, Robelio pointed out the rich people's houses. Like I mentioned earlier, they weren't separated from the less-well-off residences in a distant neighborhood; they were just in the thick of town.
"Lots of rich people put up walls around their house, and they put up razor wire and fences and stuff," Robelio said. "This is because there are a lot of drunks. And late at night, drunk people walk by, and they say, 'This is my house. I live here.' So they try to go in the house. So the rich people put up walls, because, you know, drunk people can't jump."
I've never thought of that, but it's true. Drunk people suck at jumping.
Then we went to this cool little fort. It was like a mini-war museum; there were rusted bayonettes and cannonballs and stuff like that on display. Upon entering the fort, I promptly walked forehead-first into a low doorway. I was just fiddling with my sunglasses and my hat was pulled low over my head, so I had no chance. In what I'm sure was an unrelated coincidence, ten seconds later the fort employees began to call out that everyone taller than 5'9" needs to duck their head before entering.
A Dominican guy who looked to be three hundred years old gave us a mini-history lesson on the fort, and then he said, "You know, we always love Canadians. This is because Canada never interferes with us, and also because the women are so beautiful." Charming little geezer. Anyway, the fort was pretty neat. Then we moved on.
Finally we hit Sosua (suss-OOH-ah) beach. It was a small-ish beach in the middle of town. The biggest difference between this and the other natural beaches we saw was that it was crawling with locals and absolutely infested by merchants.
Oh my god are those bastards persistent. Walking along the merchant stretch was like a psychological torture session. The merchants, they use this odd combination of insistence, aggression, and guilt to get you to go shopping in their stores. They'll block your path and shake your hand and beg, "Please go into my shop. It doesn't cost anything to look." And they look either completely dejected or offended when you don't.
And they all carry the same shit. Same kinds of necklaces, same kinds of paintings, pipes, trinkets, etc etc. People wandered around trying to get girls to pay them to braid their hair. People tried to get you to sit down at their 'restaurant' or buy drinks from them. You had to pay if you wanted to sit on a beach chair. Using the washrooms cost 10 pesos. You could go on glass-bottom boat rides. It was highly annoying, but I'm not much of a shopper or haggler.
I'll admit though, one guy said, "Come into my shop! Today everything is 99% off!" That kind of made me laugh.
Anyway, the beach was very pretty. I floated in the calm water for a bit, and then it was time to go back to the resort. Apparently my friends had an awesome time on their catamaran trip. I wish I could have done both. :-/
Next time: Random thoughts and God's point of view
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 21:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-07-26 12:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-06-06 20:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait, wait, wait. Fire can be INVISIBLE?? That is fucking AWESOME.
* looks nervously around the room *
I hope nothing in my apartment is on fire right now...
---
HAHASDHFASHDFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASDHFASHDFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHH
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-05-30 11:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
151 proof?!?
I'd like to try a shot of that. Right now.
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2006-05-30 02:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like some good times. I would have chosen the city trip. I'm of the opinion that you can do ocean swimming anywhere but to visit Rum factories, forts etc, those aren't places that are as easy to visit.
On a related note I have no idea what the alcohol percentage is in Moonshine from Thailand but it burns without any hesitation (and it gets delivered in nifty gold fish bags).
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-29 21:53:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And no. "Naive."
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-29 21:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-05-29 21:05:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
You are so naieve. Is that spelled correctly?
HA HA CAESAR
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You are such a dork. And your +2 gave it away. I know you secretly loved this post just like you secretly love me. :)
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-05-29 21:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and just kidding about the "*yawn*" review... I was going to read it and then post my "real" review, but I got sidetracked and did something else, and when I came back to the computer it was in the middle of your post and I thought "Oh, woops".
But now I read it!
*yawn*
just kidding.
You are so naieve. Is that spelled correctly?
HA HA CAESAR
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2006-05-29 19:41:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-29 18:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-05-29 14:15:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're very pale. You should've gotten a tan before you left so you wouldn't have stood out like an albino in Compton. By the way, what do the homless people in Canada do when it gets cold enough to kill you?
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Yeesh, I don't even think I look that pale in that picture. And that was late in the trip, too, meaning I was a lot darker than normal by that time. Being pasty doesn't really bother me. I can't be arsed to sit out in the sun and wait for my skin to blacken (or worse, in a tanning bed). Besides, it just peels and floats away in a few days. As for the homeless, I don't really know...there are shelters for them to go to (sometimes). Some of them build their own little shelters to block the wind, some of them sleep on subway grates because warm air comes up. You know, Toronto is on the roughly the same latitudinal plane as New York City, and they've got lots of homeless...though I think we get a lot more snow.
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Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-05-29 09:45:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, there's a canuck infestation here today. Where are you from? You know, in Germany, canuck is a very offensive term for Turks? They love the fact that we have a hockey team called the Vancouver Canucks. It would be like for us, a German telling us they have a baseball team called the Berlin Niggers or something.
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I'm from Ontario, around the Georgian Bay area. Currently I live about an hour's drive from Toronto. You're from Vancouver or BC, aren't you? Or am I mixing you up with one of the other three Canadians on Uber?
Heh heh heh, "Berlin Niggers."
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Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-05-29 07:27:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's right. I have a serious, untreated fetish for Canadian men. Not so much the women, because I swear to God they all look like. It's the nose. And not Caul, because he looks like a ghey aids patient.
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I don't think the women look alike at all. And really...I don't see how Canadian men look any different than American men, on average. I think you're just afflicted with something. But to be honest, it's nice to know that it's possible for someone to be attracted to me and my people for no good reason.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-29 18:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-05-29 18:10:17 (#)
Ranking: -2
In fact, I came across an illegal bottle of 151 rum after I returned to Canada, and after immediately reporting it to the authorities.
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Fucking narc. Nobody likes a fucking snitch. And I don't like you.
*********************************************
First of all...who are you? Secondly, don't be a fool -- who the hell would bother to call the cops because of a bottle of 151?
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-05-29 18:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
In fact, I came across an illegal bottle of 151 rum after I returned to Canada, and after immediately reporting it to the authorities.
---------------------------
Fucking narc. Nobody likes a fucking snitch. And I don't like you.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-05-29 17:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*yawn*
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-05-29 14:15:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're very pale. You should've gotten a tan before you left so you wouldn't have stood out like an albino in Compton.
By the way, what do the homless people in Canada do when it gets cold enough to kill you? I didn't know you had homeless people either though I guess there are homeless people everywhere so why would Canada be any different?
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-05-29 09:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, there's a canuck infestation here today. Where are you from?
You know, in Germany, canuck is a very offensive term for Turks? They love the fact that we have a hockey team called the Vancouver Canucks. It would be like for us, a German telling us they have a baseball team called the Berlin Niggers or something.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-05-29 07:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's right. I have a serious, untreated fetish for Canadian men. Not so much the women, because I swear to God they all look like. It's the nose. And not Caul, because he looks like a ghey aids patient.
But, yes, I moved there for a little while, but now I'm back home. I'll be going up there again in July.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-29 06:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait a second, there's a canadian bacon debate?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-29 06:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-05-28 23:41:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
No, no. You're only supposed to get belligerent over the canadian bacon debate. All other times, you're supposed to sit your yummy pasty canadian ass in a corner and say "eh" on cue. And Massachusetts. Say Massachusetts. I don't know why, but Canadians don't say it properly and it's so FREAKIN CUTE.
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Massachusetts? That's the first I've ever heard of that. I'm not even sure if I've ever said that word out loud before. Manda, I thought YOU were Canadian, but I guess you just moved there, is that right?
Uh...eh? And aboot. And other such utterances.
Submitted by Bundaberg (user info) at 2006-05-29 04:33:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I need a drink.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2006-05-29 02:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was off Uber for about six months. Just
started surfing again. And I never posted
much. I actually lurked about a year before
I registered. Thinkin of an interesting life
update to post.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-05-28 23:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-28 22:13:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-05-28 21:48:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man, not only are you Canadian, but you're also funny. And pale. What a winning combination.
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I'm also very belligerent.
I will FIGHT YOU.
See?
~~~
No, no. You're only supposed to get belligerent over the canadian bacon debate. All other times, you're supposed to sit your yummy pasty canadian ass in a corner and say "eh" on cue. And Massachusetts. Say Massachusetts. I don't know why, but Canadians don't say it properly and it's so FREAKIN CUTE.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-05-28 22:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Captain Morgan is nasty, nasty stuff. 151 is pretty cool.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-28 22:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2006-05-28 22:25:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Also...there is a old video clip
from NASCAR or FORMULA racing where a guy is on
fire...can't see it...dancing around
slapping himself...finally someone on
pitt crew runs over with fire extinguisher.
But you CAN'T see the flame because the fuel
used burns at such high temp. Really disturbing.
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Yeesh. That sucks. I can't find much about it on google. Except that it's the name of a very gay-sounding dance troupe.
I just scanned some of your old posts. I had no idea you've been on Uber for that long. That's what happens when you only post once every two months, though. Ever manage to get back into the swing of the single life?
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-05-28 22:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post. It had just the right amount of written word and pictures, mixed with a lot of awesome.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2006-05-28 22:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am 42...I used lady to imply some
age...but the double entendre was intended.
Criminal Defense Lawyer.
see http://www.ubersite.com/m/28623
little hitwhoring...I have obession
with the rigid cannon...
Also...there is a old video clip
from NASCAR or FORMULA racing where a guy is on
fire...can't see it...dancing around
slapping himself...finally someone on
pitt crew runs over with fire extinguisher.
But you CAN'T see the flame because the fuel
used burns at such high temp. Really disturbing.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-28 22:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, all kidding aside, I really am curious as to what 'invisible flame' is, and what it looks like. Is it just hot pocket of air, or can you actually see something burning but without the fire? Hmmmm...
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-28 22:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-05-28 21:48:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man, not only are you Canadian, but you're also funny. And pale. What a winning combination.
**********************************
I'm also very belligerent.
I will FIGHT YOU.
See?
---------------------------
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2006-05-28 21:42:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
like it.
The rigid cannon the most.
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I'll bet you do, you saucy wench.
Say, does the 'legal' in your name meant to imply that you're a lawyer or that you just turned 18? I assume that if you're a lawyer you're already 18. Unless you're like the...uh...Doogie Howser of the legal profession.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-05-28 21:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man, not only are you Canadian, but you're also funny. And pale. What a winning combination.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2006-05-28 21:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
like it.
The rigid cannon the most.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-05-28 21:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Moo, motherfucker.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-05-28 21:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When Superman gets drunk at a party it's pretty funny. He uses his xray vision and tells the crowd who has a tiny dick, he sets people's shoes on fire with his heat vision, and he shotguns beers and instead of crushing the cans he eats the damn things.
Just be careful. When he projectile vomits that shit goes through furniture, walls, and people.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-28 21:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2006-05-28 20:24:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
151 is God.
I drank more than half a bottle of that shit one night.
I puked black.
**********************
How are you not dead??
One of the rum factory people said something to the effect of: "37% alcohol is for women. 50% is for men. 151? That's for Supermen."
So, congratulations Kal-El.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-05-28 20:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-05-28 20:35:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
* looks nervously around the room *
I hope nothing in my apartment is on fire right now...
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2006-05-28 20:24:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
151 is God.
I drank more than half a bottle of that shit one night.
I puked black.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-05-28 20:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck the ocean, man. It's full of fish pee.
Also, loved this...
Wait, wait, wait. Fire can be INVISIBLE?? That is fucking AWESOME.
* looks nervously around the room *
I hope nothing in my apartment is on fire right now...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-05-28 20:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Bitten by Grandma in the bathtub."
Ah, teh memories. . .
Great stuff, Caes.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-28 19:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm, one of these days I'm going to remember to link the other parts to this in the message body. Someday.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/87396 -- Zee Plane, Zee Plane
http://www.ubersite.com/m/87547 -- Land of Loafers, Ugly Cows, and Coconuts
http://www.ubersite.com/m/87732 -- Caesar vs The Ocean