My Mum is freaking me out (527 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Swedish_pump (View user info) at 2006-06-01 07:41:12 EDT
Am bored as f@"! at work and am seeking advice, .
She quite recently had a Shirley Valentine moment on the Greek island of Rhodes, my mum's doing that relationship chameleon thing that girls do, new hair, new clothes and a Gloria Gaynor sound track. My mum came back with more a tan; she came back with a dentist.
Who at 17 years her junior, makes him about my age, which makes me feel a bit odd knowing that someone who could well have been a mate of mine is doing the deed with me mum and whose pants are now hanging on the clothes horse near the front door.
Suffice to say my mum she's getting some, how do I feel about this? I'm trying to be soooooooooo cool and supportive, when inside I want to ram his pearly whites into a sundial. But I refrain, because it's my mum you have to love her and understand her. And that since the divorce she has needs and is simply bolstering her confidence, I AM HAPPY FOR HER.
This point was reinforced in excruciating circumstances. This weekend i ventured back to the place i called home, despite not living there for 15 years, thinking that i would simply pop in and say hello.
We were sat in the garden, where all of our mother/son moments occur enjoying the sun, and a glass of Council Juice, for those of you unaware of this delightful beverage, you've had it you just call it tap water.
When the reason for my visit is revealed. She pulls forth from the back pocket of her new skinny jeans, a letter ominously headed from Thurrock Council. My head sinks, was it a final demand, a letter demanding that she remove the Garfield from her Vectra, had she attempted to house some Croatians in the shed?
These I could handle, with a modicum of decorum, alas it was not to be. It was from environmental health, the first line, sunk my heart and begun as all letters from the council start, "it has come to our attention" which generally means that you've done something bad & they're are going to politely but firmly request that you cease doing what ever it is you're doing, lest we send in the bailiffs and withdraw your housing benefit.
The letter from the environmental health department stated that they had received a series of complaints, from one or more of her non hearing-impaired neighbours, regarding my mums sex life.
I pause here to use their wording, "overly enthusiastic love making" basically my mum had been shagging, and been having such a good time of it that the neighbours have complained. Now I have mixed feeling about this I was happy that my mum has a healthy sex life, but was confused as to why I should know about it. The brief mental image of my mum, being flung around a bedroom/kitchen/shed by the smiling Turkish, dentist whose skill for exotic sexual positions has caused my mum to howl. Has caused the authorities to write to her was not my idea of mum-son bonding -note to self find her a group to join.
I remember that when she was with my dad, it was very mono situation, Sundays about quarter to six, during songs of praise.
But the horror has only begun, my mum bless her is under the illusion that university has taught me to string a sentence together. She expects me to write a response to the council.
So answers on a post card people, a £10 for the best one.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-01 17:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hey, ask that boyfriend if he's seen 'Midnight Run'...
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-06-01 17:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not Awful.
-Dave
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-06-01 15:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm living the same situation.
"Recently Divorced Mother + (her)successful stint with Weight Watchers + (her) flagrant search for new identity" = Hours of nauseousness and denial for you
It blows.
And as much as you want to tell yourself you're happy for her, you can't help but feel creeped out when her choice of sex partner happens to be your age.
It's just not right.
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-06-01 15:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome, in a slightly creepy, old people havin' sex is just wrong, kind of way.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-06-01 11:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oedipus rex much??
At any rate, I was balls deep in your mums mouth when she said...
...actually, I have no idea what she said. I was balls deep in her throat afterall.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-06-01 10:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty is cool as fuck, but he lies through his back teeth.
He never, ever, ever knobbed my mum.
As for you, no response is necessary, unless they specifically stated that they want one.
If they did, your mother's reaction should be, or along the lines of, this -
To whom it may concern,
In response to your communication dated --- --,
Your comments have been noted.
Regards,
Your mums name.
That's all.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-06-01 10:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ignore it.
poison the neighbors' pets.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-01 08:30:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had a quick look and it doesn't seem to be obviously plagerised from anywhere. In any case I rather enjoyed it, particularly as I once nobbed a bird who had a son 4 years my junior so I can sort of identify.
In answer to your question though you're mum has got to consider her options. Essentially the neighbours have put forward that she has created unreasonable noise during unsociable hours. Has she spoken to her neighbours about the complaint? If not then that should be her first action. Obviously though if, and I say this with all due respect, either your mother or her neighbours are lairy buggers with poor communication skills then perhaps that step should be skipped.
If that step fails then you can appeal against the decision, essentially saying that she does not believe the noise was excessive or that it occurred at an unreasonable hour. Whether or not her neighbour has to provide actual proof, in the nature of a recording for example, is something you should also find out. Perhaps a visit to the citizens advice bureau is in order.
Incidently, the Sony Playstation helped a lot in bridging the awkward gap between me and my ex's boy.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-01 08:16:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by swedish_pump (user info) at 2006-06-01 08:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was on my blog, but i'm a narcissistic cunt and nobody posted any responses so
i posted it here too. Hence me responding.
wasn't sure whether not i could you the word fuck so i didn't
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-01 07:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You and the greco should tagteam your mom
when in greece......
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-06-01 07:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Read this elsewhere i'm sure
Submitted by Drygionus (user info) at 2006-06-01 07:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
-1 for spelling fuck wrong, its not "f@"!"
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-01 07:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck is f@"! ?