well that was kinda awkward (1120 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.48 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by loki (View user info) at 2006-06-01 16:18:41 EDT
There was a guy here on a job interview / office visit. We'll call him Steve because it doesn't really matter and I really just can't put forth the effort of moving my hand over to the mouse, opening my calendar, checking my appointments for the day, and reading his name so I'm just gonna take some artistic license here and call him Steve.
Jebus it would have been easier to check.
I was asked if I could be bothered to put away my origami calendar, "que pasa" Spanish newspaper, and uber activities long enough to take the poor dear to lunch. While this lunch was not officially part of the interview process, I would be consulted about him when I got back. This is pretty much how we get away with finding out those things you're not allowed to ask during an interview, you know marital status, sexual preference, insurance busting genetic deficiencies, that sort of thing.
Not that there is anything wrong with being ghey you understand.
This poor guy had been shipped in from afar, put up in a hotel over night, and by the time he was released into my custody he had endured four count them FOUR separate interviews. While I was waiting for him to get loose from the last one so we could leave, I talked to one of the people who had interviewed him and got the distinct impression that we were not going to hire him.
By "distinct impression" I mean that I was told "I don't think we're going to hire him, he just doesn't seem like he would fit in here and well hey I should wait until after you meet him to talk about this. Thanks for taking him to lunch, oh looks like he's coming this way so I'm outta here see ya."
The guy escorting him in my direction shot me a look that pretty much said "we're not hiring this guy, lunch is going to suck, thanks for taking one for the team."
and off we went
I wasn't real sure what we were going to talk about but the painful awkwardness was postponed for a few minutes because we ran into Jessica the huge Yankees fan on the way. That part of the conversation pretty much went "Steve, this is Jessica the huge Yankees fan, Jessica this is some guy we're not going to hire oh hey I saw your boyz beat hell out of KC the other night."
Then we talked about baseball and how Charlotte is going to move the AAA team to an uptown stadium, that I really wish we had major league baseball here and am concerned that building a minor league stadium is going to keep us from getting a real team and we really need to get a team before Raleigh does because they've already ruined hockey for the entire state, but then again Charlotte would be the smallest market to have all three major sports so it's really not likely to happen.
yup that was one sentence
Then he dazzled us with his brilliance by looking puzzled and saying "Charlotte doesn't have an NBA team does it?"
Yea jackass, not a GOOD NBA team but next time you go all the way to a different city for a job interview maybe you should find out about the place first. It's called Google, try it out.
Then Jessica the huge Yankees fan left us and I was back to having to deal one on one.
When we got to the restaurant, he started asking me a few things about the company. I was torn, do I just change the subject because he really doesn't need to know anything about the company or do I just politely answer. I went with polite answers and then changed the subject when I could.
He asked me about NASCAR. I said that I don't know a lot about it because it's not really my thing, but it's a pretty big industry here. He responded by saying that he's always thought it was stupid and went on and fucking ON about how he went to an Indy race once and it was hot, boring, and loud. Plus he just doesn't see as how it takes any real talent I mean hell anyone could drive around in circles.
Now I may not know a great deal about NASCAR, but I do know that its stock car racing and not really the same thing as the Indy stuff. I also know that it can't possibly be something that anyone could do and that making statements like that in public will get your ass kicked round these parts. I didn't care enough to argue about it and more and more I was starting to clue in that this guy is one of those guys who is always, always, 100% right about everything, can't be told, and that it was going to be a long long lunch.
And why in the hell would he ask me about NASCAR if he didn't care about it?
This makes no sense and things that make no sense piss me off.
He asked what people around here did for fun. I ticked off a few things, but that's a tough question because it really depends on what you're into. Obviously he's not into NASCAR and apparently doesn't know a lot about the NBA so I started describing the arts scene. Based on the bored, distracted look on his face and barely audible sigh I'm thinking he doesn't really care about the arts scene.
I switched to football and heard ALL ABOUT every single bad call in the SuperBowl. Now I am, for a woman, a huge football fan. BUT there is a difference between a woman who is a huge football fan and a guy. I love the game while it is going on. I can tell you all about a game I just saw and probably the previous week's game, cite the roster, tell you who is on IR and how many sacks Julius Peppers has this season. I even know a few things about other NFL teams but once the season is over - flush - like a tabula rosa.
It took me a second to remember that is was Pittsburg and Seattle. Ah yea now I remember, damnit we should have beaten Seattle but oh well it was a really fun season and the Bus won in his own home town so that was cool. Willie Parker plays for Pittsburg and he went to UNC so woo hoo go Steelers. Specific calls? Still pissed off about specific calls?!? Goddamn, man up here. I sit to pee why the fuck would I still be pissed off about some call in a game between two 'not my team' teams?
He was irritated about the fact that the company doesn't pay for parking even though it's only $40 a month in the deck across the street. He doesn't have to PAY to park where he works now. Really, hang on, let me see if I can summon up a shit to give - nope nothing. Hey, at my old job I had to pay $120 a month so I'm not all that upset about $40.
He didn't like that there is not a health club in the building. I thought that was strange since he spent a rather inordinate amount of time grilling me on exactly how many hours we work during quarter end and did we have a "face time" issue. He just seemed really obsessed over not wanting to spend a second longer than he has to at work and now he's angry about not being able to hang out after work in the gym.
He lectured me at LENGTH on the proper tipping for a waiter.
This was because he asked me how much I was going to leave. I said "oh I dunno 20% I suppose".
He went OFF, "for THIS guy, he's awful. I had to ask him TWICE for ketchup and look at this, my coke is down to the bottom third and he hasn't given me a refill and you're seriously going to leave him 20%?!?"
Ok, buddy first of all it's not your money. Hell it's not even my money, its expense account money. Secondly, he's got three big tables full of people who are running him to death but you didn't notice that because you're so into YOU. Plus, I'm the one paying so it's really none of your concern. Waiting tables is a shit job. Waiting tables in an uptown restaurant full of self important pompous asses is a thankless shit job so yea I'm leaving him 20%.
oh and one more thing
WE'RE NOT GOING TO HIRE YOU
Then, mercifully lunch was over and we went back to the building. I thought my ordeal was over but OFCOURSENOT. Remember last week me posting some crap about losing my badge? Yea well someone down in security saw a sticky note about deactivating my badge, looked it up in the system, saw that it was active, and for my convenience and without calling me to check, deactivated it.
meaning
That I could not get back into the building.
and
Since he was there on visitor status and had to be escorted, neither could he.
This gave Steve another chance to tell me the deal about how where he works, no one really wears a badge and that most of the women just leave theirs in their purse and hold it up to the scanner to open the door.
Well good maybe that fact will make you feel better about the fact that we're not going to hire you.
Eventually I got security to get their shit together and they let us inside. I dumped Steve who is not going to work here back with my manager and now I'm sitting here pouting and refusing to work because I'm traumatized.
tomorrow I'm bringing my lunch
User Reviews
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2006-06-02 13:40:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside. Armadillos!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-02 12:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You got the armadillo to work?
now I'm angry
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally just made that armadillo and it's sitting on my desk. Never let it be said that I do not use my time wisely.
Also...I have been doing lots of super-fun hiring in the past couple months, and I have had to deal with SEVERAL Steves. What I do is view it as an exercise in bullshitting. I have gotten so I can accuse them of resume-building, tell them I think they might be kind of incompetent, let them know I know they've padded their resume, and inform them that they will be nowhere near my conference in about 15 words. It's all about eyebrow raising and tone.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-02 09:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-06-02 09:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:25:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm sitting in my underpants eating ice cream
Being sick rules.
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this is probably the cutest/most horific image I'll have in my brain today.
Thanks Jaimie!
I hope I spelled your name right, or is it "Jim" now...
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-06-02 08:18:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:44:56 (#)
Ranking: 1
$40 a month? That's $480 dollars a year. That's equivilant to something like 200 and a bit pounds.
At your old place it would have been $1440 which is equivilent to around 600 pounds.
In either case that's a hell of a lot of money. ""
------
I don't pay to park, but if I did it would be about $21/day. I take the Hi-Speedline (light rail train) and it's $4.90/roundtrip. That just means I have to walk 15 mins between work and the train station. It's not so bad, and most days it's kinda nice. I just hate the days like yesterday where it was 93 degrees with 85% humidity.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-06-02 04:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The company could have just said they weren't going to hire me. Rather than make me find out on Uber. Sniff
Signed
Steve
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-06-02 03:41:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Goddamn, you suck!
Submitted by Drygionus (user info) at 2006-06-02 03:39:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Er... whats a paything?
Submitted by Drygionus (user info) at 2006-06-02 03:38:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this was well written, I only skipped two paragraphs, otherwise I really enjoyed it. Steve sounds like a pampered dumb ass.
Also, admit it... paying to park at work is just retarded. They're paying you to be there and you're paything them to...be...there...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-06-01 23:22:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-06-01 22:53:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't reply.
Laughing at Teeph comment.
Submitted by pastacheese (user info) at 2006-06-01 22:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-06-01 22:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-01 17:05:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:44:56 (#)
Ranking: 1
$40 a month? That's $480 dollars a year. That's equivilant to something like 200 and a bit pounds.
At your old place it would have been $1440 which is equivilent to around 600 pounds.
In either case that's a hell of a lot of money. ""
When I was living in Liverpool and working in Manchester I had to fill up twice a week (120 GBP) and pay 8 GBP per day parking. That was 640 GBP per month just to get to work which is obviously 7680 ($15000) per year.
Now that was expensive.
_____________________________________________________________
Great. Just fucking great. Just what we needed. Another foreigner coming along into OUR COUNTRY (rightfully stolen from the Natives), getting used to the standard of living and realizing how much better they have it here. Next thing you know he'll be sending for his fucking family.
AND NOT ONE OF THEM IS GOING TO EVEN TRY TO LEARN THE LANGUAGE!
Repete: Howdy y'all. Yuh eet yit? No? Yewantu?
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-01 20:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-01 17:17:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
Our team used to be the Hornets, but they left for New Orleans because George Shinn is a short little dick sucker. Then God punished New Orleans for taking our team by smoting it and we got another team. The owner is Bob Johnson of BET fame and fortune so the team is the Bobcats so as to stroke his already colossal ego. It kind of sucks because we put up with being an expansion team once before. The Whorenets used to be just good enough to make the playoffs and become an opening round speed bump for the Bulls when Jordan was there. Then he retired, we were almost good, and now we suck again.
not that I'm taking it personally or anything
I don't think anyone here would really care about the team except for the fact that the shrewd bastard Bob drafted some Carolina boys last year.
and yea the parking is kind of expensive, but what do ya do
---
Well, I was close, but I should have known the Hornets moved to New Orleans, my grandparents live there. Hornets suck ass now, all sports teams in New Orleans suck ass, I blame the humidity and abundancy of seafood, seefood is the devil.
GO SAINTS! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
<cries softly to self because the Saints will never make the playoffs, much less the Super Bowl>
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-01 20:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What the fuck are crafs?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-01 19:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit a genuINE Murphy REVIEW.
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2006-06-01 18:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should compile a book about your experiences. For some reason, people LOVE to read / watch T.V or movies, about WORK. Who knows why, but there's a market out there, and you're a good writer.
Murphy
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-06-01 17:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it when interviewees or new hires compare our plant to wherever they last worked.
"My last job had a hot cafeteria."
"My last job had a masseusse who came in every Friday."
"At my old job, they didn't make us change our passwords every month."
"My old boss didn't make me wear a french maid's outfit."
Yeah, well you know what? Your old job didn't fucking want you, which is why you are with US. Now get back to work, girly, my floors are DUSTY.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-01 17:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Our team used to be the Hornets, but they left for New Orleans because George Shinn is a short little dick sucker. Then God punished New Orleans for taking our team by smoting it and we got another team. The owner is Bob Johnson of BET fame and fortune so the team is the Bobcats so as to stroke his already colossal ego. It kind of sucks because we put up with being an expansion team once before. The Whorenets used to be just good enough to make the playoffs and become an opening round speed bump for the Bulls when Jordan was there. Then he retired, we were almost good, and now we suck again.
not that I'm taking it personally or anything
I don't think anyone here would really care about the team except for the fact that the shrewd bastard Bob drafted some Carolina boys last year.
and yea the parking is kind of expensive, but what do ya do
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-01 17:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:44:56 (#)
Ranking: 1
$40 a month? That's $480 dollars a year. That's equivilant to something like 200 and a bit pounds.
At your old place it would have been $1440 which is equivilent to around 600 pounds.
In either case that's a hell of a lot of money. ""
When I was living in Liverpool and working in Manchester I had to fill up twice a week (120 GBP) and pay 8 GBP per day parking. That was 640 GBP per month just to get to work which is obviously 7680 ($15000) per year.
Now that was expensive.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-06-01 17:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i was quite entertained.
i have a similar, but not really funny, story about taking a shitty candidate out to lunch.
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh man!!
This lunch was just painful to read about!!
I can barely imagine actually trying to sit through it!!
I feel your pain!!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
$40 a month? That's $480 dollars a year. That's equivilant to something like 200 and a bit pounds.
At your old place it would have been $1440 which is equivilent to around 600 pounds.
In either case that's a hell of a lot of money.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's the NBA?
I can make the frog and the crane, not so sure I can make this armadillo.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loki=auto+2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't finished it yet but your NBA team is the Hornets, correct?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bonus points if anyone can get the armadillo to work. We've all tried it and end up with crumpled dollar bills that look nothing like an armadillo or the picture. Damnit I want a dollar bill armadillo.
I had fish & chips with crème brule for dessert. It was quite delicious, but it came with a huge pile of slaw. I don't like slaw.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:25:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh poor you, you got a free lunch on the company tab. Sorry, not in the mood today. """
only someone with a shit job would say that.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:27:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cause a day with out a loki work-related story is like a day without sunshine.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I sit to pee why the fuck would I still be pissed off about some call in a game between two 'not my team' teams?"
Awesome.
Also, I secretly hope that they hire Steve. If only for my future entertainment. Would probably suck for you though. But maybe right now we should be thinking about the greater good, no?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh poor you, you got a free lunch on the company tab. Sorry, not in the mood today.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm sitting in my underpants eating ice cream
Being sick rules.
Submitted by Leroy (user info) at 2006-06-01 16:24:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've never read one of your posts in 3 years and I never shall.