It Smells Like Dead People (1215 hits)
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Rating: 1.75 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2006-06-02 09:19:32 EDT
I woke when Erik suddenly sat up in bed and began looking around the room. I lay there for a second, watching him, listening, and trying to figure out what was going on. After about 45 seconds of watching him lean forward, look towards the east window quickly turn around and look towards the window behind us, I asked, "Uh, what are you doing?".
He didn't answer. Apparently he was too busy trying to figure out what was going on. I sat up next to him, looked at him, leaned forward to look towards the west window, turned around and looked behind us, and asked again, "Uh, Erik? What are you doing?".
"It smells like dead people", was his response. It was true, I suppose. There was an acrid smell hanging in the air.
He never stopped looking around, it was almost mechanical.
"Erik, are you awake?" I squeezed his arm. He didn't respond, just keep looking around. "ERIK!" I pushed him a bit.
He was definitely sleeping. This scared me because he had punched me in the back of the head about two months ago, later claiming that he thought I was a zombie.
"HEY WAKE UP!" I pushed him harder, pinched his arm, poked at his cheek. He just keep looking around, he didn't even seem to know I was there.
"Erik, it's time for work, it's five am! You're late!", his whole body did a mini-spasm, and he looked up at the alarm clock.
"What? No, it's midnight", he looked over at me with a combination of frustration and confusion on his face. Then he laid back down.
"Hey, do you know what just happened?" I asked.
"What? It's not five." he rolled over to go back to sleep.
"No, I mean, you just sat up and looked around and said that it smelled like dead people!" He sniffed the air and turned back towards me.
"It DOES kinda smell like dead people." Then he was back asleep.
I lay back in bed, thinking of how I could write about this experience on Uber. Maybe I could add a little bit here or there, make it into something scary and surreal. Or maybe I'd just write it as it happened, and go for the comedic effect.
I put my head on Eriks shoulder and tried to fall asleep, but all I could think about were dead people. Maybe someone snuck in the house last night and put a dead person in the living room. Maybe there was a dead person outside the window. What if there was a dead person in the hallway?
What WAS that smell? I had smelled it before, almost like the smell of ozone, but a bit sharper. Was it the port-a-potty in the park across the street? Was it just the atmosphere? A factory? Tar?
Erik pushed me away and got out of bed. "I gotta piss" he explained.
I heard the stairs creek as he walked down. I held my breath and waited for him to scream when he found the dead person in the living room. Then I heard the toilet. I waited for him to come back upstairs, eagerly watching the door, fear creeping in closer and closer.
After five minutes I started to get paranoid. Where WAS he? Five minutes to pee? He already flushed. Was he hurt? Dead? Did he sleepwalk out of the house? I reached over and turned the fan off so I could hear better.
Nothing.
Right as the panic set in when heard footsteps on the stairs. I tried to think, was there anything weapon-like near the bed? Someone had brought a dead person into our house, killed my boyfriend, and now he was going to come kill me.
Of course it was Erik.
"What took so long!?", my voice was sprinkled with both fear and relief.
"Nothing? Why?"
"You were gone for like, five minutes!"
"I got a drink of water, and got some boxers out of the dryer. Why are you worried about how long it took?"
"Did you poop?"
"Uh, no?" He pulled me towards him as he laid back in bed. Again, he quickly fell asleep as I lay there, eyes open with worry.
Then I heard a -boom-boom- type noise off in the distance. I picked my head up a bit and looked around. I looked over to see if Erik was awake. "What was that?" I asked.
"Gunshots." That answer would have seemed somewhat normal if I was still living in the city, but we live in a little town where the only gunshots you ever hear happen during hunting season. After a few minutes of silence, Erik said, "I can't quit dreaming about zombies".
Ignoring his last statement, I asked, "How do you know those were gunshots?".
"Corinne, I know enough about guns to know what a gunshot is. Sounds like a .32, like it had six magazines in the chamber". He might not have said ".32", but that's not the point.
"Guns don't have magazines in the chamber, they have rounds." I corrected him, feeling VERY high and mighty, forgetting my paranoia for a second.
He folded his pillow as he said, "Well, maybe it's just slang from where I come from".
I still think he just made up that slang part because he was embarrassed. The funny thing about that conversation is this: I had just read one of James Thurbers short stories, in which the hoity-toity husband tells his wife about guns, and gets all the technical terms mixed up.
"There must be a reason for gunshots", Erik said. "Are you scared?".
"Yeah," I kept my eyes on the door, waiting for the criminal (or whoever it was on the receiving end of the gunshots) to run in, seeking refuge.
"I dream about zombies so much that I'm convinced that one day they will come." He sniffed the air again, "Why DOES it smell like that?".
"Erik, do you honestly believe that there might be zombies outside, and that someone just shot at them?" That idea was so far beyond NORMAL paranoia that it was almost funny.
"Who knows, it might happen one day."
"Oh come ON, there are no zombies."
We both lay there silent for a minute, he was probably wondering when the mass of zombies would reach our house, and I was wondering how my "big and tough" boyfriend could possibly believe that zombies might come get us.
I was sure Erik had fallen back asleep when he asked, "Would Xander bark if someone came in the house?"
"Well, if a normal person came in the house he would, but I've never seen him interact with zombies before", I was being a smart-ass when I said that, so his response further floored me.
"I think he'd freak out, dogs sense things, he'd know it was something real fucked up".
"Erik, shut up."
"Hey", he began, "The sex earlier was nice."
"Jesus, Erik."
"Well it was, I'm just telling you."
"Okay thanks."
Then he fell asleep.
I asked him about it this morning, and of course, he remembers none of it.
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-07 20:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:51:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Your posts always seem so 'real'. You seem so comfortable writing and sharing details that most people would be embarassed about. pretty cool.
***
I love your reviews.
I admire writers who are able to capture "reality" and the small things in life. James Thurber and Saul Bellow are two examples that come to mind.
Seriously though, that's the one trait I'm most proud of in my writing, and I'm glad that you noticed it. Or flattered. Or tickled or something.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:51:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your posts always seem so 'real'. You seem so comfortable writing and sharing details that most people would be embarassed about. pretty cool.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-03 14:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I showed him this post since he didn't remember it
"it"= this event happening.
Just to clarify!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-03 14:40:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Istaros, I will. I showed him this post since he didn't remember it, but gave little to no information on where this was posted, etc... Plus, he's no good with computers, so it's alright. It was bad enough when my MOM found uber haha ( http://www.ubersite.com/m/67664 ).
Or, if you were saying to keep your compliment in the "best ever" position, I'll do that, too.
Ananise, thanks, I didn't notice your comment earlier. yay!
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-06-03 14:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
keep it that way
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-03 14:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OH, and I must add, Erik still doesn't know exactly what uber is, or how to get there, or what it's called... I think he thinks it's just my blog.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-03 14:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knucklehead- Lucky you. I don't even remember what it feels like to drink. Or to work, for that matter.
Caesar, I showed Erik your comment and he laughed. So, good job at being funny for once! :p
Isatros (erm, or however it's spelled), that was one of the best compliments I've had on uber in a long as time, thanks!
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-06-03 00:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i added this to my favorites list
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-06-02 23:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's it. I'm totally punching people in the back of the head for no reason and saying it's because I thought they were a zombie.
Thank you, Corn.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-06-02 19:39:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahh my boss is letting me out 2 hours early, so that i may go and drink, and be a zit on the ass of society. Shots and +2 for all! Cheers
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-02 18:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-06-02 18:37:28 (#)
Ranking: 1
"Did you poop?"
======================
Why did you need to know this??
***
There is you and some other new girl on this site that ask questions that I really don't feel the need to explain, but I will:
There WAS no reason for me to ask that. If you'll notice, half of our dialogue last night was insane and pointless. There is humor (for me, at least) in some of the stupid things people say to each other without realizing it.
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-06-02 18:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Did you poop?"
======================
Why did you need to know this??
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-06-02 16:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One time I was sleeping next to some chick, and I had this dream that I was attacking some dude. The next morning she told me about how I had been talking in my sleep. Apparently I grabbed her and whispered sharply, "Don't you EVER fucking do that to me again!!" (which I do remember saying to the guy in my dream).
Also, about five minutes later I added, "And some mustard, too."
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-06-02 16:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84209
if you can ignore the GOD-AWFUL spelling in the title, my flatmate and I feel your pain
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-02 15:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I almost thought REAL zombies were gonna get ya
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-06-02 15:08:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your posts. Just thought I'd share that.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-06-02 13:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, if the zombies came, I'd be proper fucked. I have no survival skills that I know of. Although, running seems to work well enough.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I almost never remeber my dreams but lately I've been having some really fucking weird ones.
The night before last I dreamt I was pregnant with four kids inside me and I was riding a motorcross bike wit Jet Li down a street in my old home town.
Then of course a while back there was this crazy episode. http://www.ubersite.com/m/84198
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have an Undead +2
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I sleep walk sometimes. I always change my clothes and try and cook. Don't know why.
I've never succeeded in cooking anything because I scatter all the pans on the floor and can't figure out how to get the food out of the packaging and put it in the pans, so when I wake up, the still packaged food is just placed in the pans that are on the floor.
I talk in my sleep a lot.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Your boyfriend has to get up at five in the morning to go to work? Poor bastard. No wonder he can't stop dreaming about zombies, he's probably not far removed from them if he has to get up that early.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-06-02 09:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Paranormal phenomenon often coincide with unexplained smells.
(couldn't resist) ;)
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-06-02 09:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-02 09:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
'what are we gonna do about THEM'
****
haha awesome!
I am eating chips and salsa (yes, I realize it's 945am), and I laughed when I read that and some salsa got on the keyboard.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-06-02 09:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My little bro sleep walks really advacned, you could have a concversation with him, what hes gonna do tommorwow why hes up in the middle of the night ('I'm just getting a drink') etc.
Then he'd say something like 'what are we gonna do about THEM' and I'd know he was off again.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-06-02 09:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Marge, what's wrong? Are you hungry? Sleepy? Gassy? Gassy? Is it
gas? It's gas, isn't it?
-- Homer Simpson
Fear of Flying
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-06-02 09:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i know what dead people smell like
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-06-02 09:29:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-02 09:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Right as the panic set in when heard footsteps on the stairs.
***
Goddammit. I should have proof-read.