Ebay: The Art Of Negative Feedback (57134 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.86 on 102 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stabkill (View user info) at 2006-06-02 10:48:48 EDT
I have enjoyed a long career on eBay, the internet auction site. You can determine if someone is a complete technological "zero" if they don't know what eBay is. But is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. eBay brings much pain to your life when things go bad.
For one, eBay is not really an auction in the sense of the word. It is more or less a last second bid festival as the clock winds down its final seconds of that particular listing. If someone bids the item up well before this time winds down, you get pissed. "This is obviously an eBay newbie!" you scream. Mastering the art of the snipe bid is what will get you the most mileage on eBay.
But I am not here to discuss how to win bids but, rather, what do to in the case things get sour.
The fact is, eBay is like any other place on the internet. It is a make-believe world not unlike the matrix. When registering your account, you can inflate your eBay ego by creating a screen name like "YahchtOwner69" or "z06vetteman_2006". People will think you are loaded instead of being the jerk siphoning your internet from a neighbor's unsecured wireless connection. Some people fall for it, others don't. It is not unlike online chat, however, so remember this.
The main reason you want to remember that eBay exists in the pseudo-world that is the internet is for the one thing that matters most to eBay users: FEEDBACK.
If you sell things on eBay, certainly keep that account separate from the one you bid with. This way you can have a quick trigger finger on the negative feedback button. But I am here to tell you that whatever you have been doing thus far on your feedback statement is wrong.
Negative feedback requires a touch to make the seller of an item to get irate. That is all that happens when you make negative feedback. If you didn't get your positive feedback from a buyer/seller then you are certainly going to get a retaliatory negative feedback. So when you utilize your line of text, make it count.
"ITEM BROKEN UPON ARRIVAL DUE TO POOR PACKAGING" is an honest description, but does it really drive home the point? I suggest "FOUND HYPODERMIC NEEDLE WITH ODD SUBSTANCE INSIDE PACKAGE; I NOTIFIED POLICE".
Is this honest? No. But when you are trying to nail that hottie you saw on myspace, do you tell her about your rusted out '77 Pinto and the visit to the clinic from nailing the last myspace sleaze? That is dishonest to, my friend. But this is what the internet is for.
"BUYER UNRESPONSIVE TO EMAILS, APPARENTLY HAD SECOND THOUGHTS SELLING ITEM" is quick and to the point. But a seller who lists something and fails to follow through on the sale by ignoring emails is a terrible person. How about responding with a "WARNING! BUYER TRIED TO MOLEST MY SON WHEN I WAS LOADING THE ITEM IN THE CAR." That is a wake up call and your "unresponsive emails" will cease immediately.
The goal is to destroy that user's character. Personal attacks are the best for infuriating an eBay user. When they see these types of comments, they will go ballistic and your mission has been accomplished.
Here are some ideas you can use the next time someone ticks you off:
Feedback to Seller:
SELLER OFFERED ITEM FREE FOR HOMOSEXUAL SEX. A VERY ODD PERSON!: STAY AWAY!
SELLER USED HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHIC MAGAZINE AS PACKAGING MATERIAL.
WHEN I CONTACTED SELLER I WAS INFORMED THEY WERE ARRESTED AND NOW IN PRISON FOR FRAUD.
SELLER PULLED PENIS OUT OF PANTS WHEN I PICKED ITEM UP. WEIRD FELLOW!
USED CONDOM FOUND IN PACKAGE ALONG WITH PRODUCT. DISGUSTING INDIVIDUAL!!!
THREATED TO "KICK MY ASS" IF I DIDN'T REDUCE PRICE. GRADE-A JERK.
YOUR CONSTANT USE OF THE F WORD AROUND MY CHILDREN WASN'T APPRECIATED.
Feedback to Buyer:
HARD TO PLEASE BUYER; STALKED ME OUTSIDE OF MY HOME. VERY DANGEROUS PERSON!
INSTEAD OF SENDING PAYPAL, TRIED TO OFFER ME SEX ACT WITH UNDERAGE DAUGHTER.
DID NOT PAY BECAUSE HE SAID HE GOT DUI YESTERDAY AND NEEDED MONEY FOR A LAWYER.
BUYER REFUSED CASH PAYMENT AND OFFERED CRYSTAL METH IN EXCHANGE FOR ITEM.
SENT ME GRAPHIC NUDE SELF-PHOTOS VIA EMAIL. STAY AWAY FROM ME, PLEASE.
PICKED UP ITEM WEARING FULL NAZI UNIFORM, EMBARRASSING ME AND MY FAMILY.
User Reviews
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-12 20:36:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very funny.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2006-10-05 19:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Definitely be dipping into this post for negative feedback.
Submitted by getalife (user info) at 2006-10-05 15:59:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha congrats on b@w
YOUR CONSTANT USE OF THE F WORD AROUND MY CHILDREN WASN'T APPRECIATED.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-09-26 09:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-09-15 22:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
vigintillion
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-09-03 00:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-09-01 12:05:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
This post is pure hatred and lies. "Ruined our economy" is hardly factual. The economy is doing quite well.
RECENTLY is has slown down, but overall still outpaces the majority of the world.
Dude, that is just wrong. Like, factually wrong. Badly factually wrong.
I was going to put something here about the way the usa govt announces its statistics possibly confusing you but its a bit complex and arguable (they have a tendacy to imply growth at 4 times what it actually is). However I have just read bushes economic policies. Such as eliminating inheritance taxes and cutting taxes on medium-high earners. Good luck with that.
Submitted by Lianne260987 (user info) at 2006-08-15 06:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is class! Im definately gunna use some of these!
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-09 08:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
love it, very funny!
Submitted by vagabond (user info) at 2006-07-20 13:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you asshole.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-07-19 01:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahhaahhahaa
excellent. congratulations on mva
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-07-14 04:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wooooo mva
Submitted by Aztune (user info) at 2006-07-13 15:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't stop laughing.
Pure hilarity.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-07-13 14:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THis is awesome. USE OF F WORD NOT APPRECIATED, hahaha.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-13 12:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Congratulations on back 2 back boredatwork and then dissappearing for a month
Submitted by the_thorne (user info) at 2006-07-06 14:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Your daughter is fugly'...excellent.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-03 17:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I never gave this the +2 it deserved.
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2006-07-03 17:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
still a single and childless loser with a shit ass job? good for you, you made bored at work!
you fucking loser.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2006-07-03 04:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the kinda shit I stick around for.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-06-27 14:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I peed a little.
Submitted by bleuluna (user info) at 2006-06-27 14:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome!!! I'm reading all of your posts!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-06-25 06:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, Stabby.
Slacker.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-25 06:22:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you hadn't taken the month off you'd be on MVA by now.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2006-06-20 05:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-06-18 09:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-06-16 17:46:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
I tried to do that to my most recent seller. I ordered a totally non-geeky item, and parts of it were missing. But he made his comments PRIVATE so buyers can only see the numbers. Asshole... how am I supposed to watch Buffy slay vampires with only 4 1/2 seasons? I mean Seinfeld.
--------------------------
BUFFY SLAYED SEINFELD?!?!?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-18 07:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W Indeed
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-06-16 17:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I tried to do that to my most recent seller. I ordered a totally non-geeky item, and parts of it were missing. But he made his comments PRIVATE so buyers can only see the numbers. Asshole... how am I supposed to watch Buffy slay vampires with only 4 1/2 seasons? I mean Seinfeld.
Submitted by Snalty (user info) at 2006-06-16 17:27:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it. If I ever need to leave negative feedback, I'll use this one:
"WARNING! BUYER TRIED TO MOLEST MY SON WHEN I WAS LOADING THE ITEM IN THE CAR."
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-06-16 15:02:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-06-15 23:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-06-15 11:39:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Post sucked! Author offered oral sex for positive rating! I accepted. A+ writer!
---
HAHA!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-06-15 11:51:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-06-15 11:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Post sucked! Author offered oral sex for positive rating! I accepted. A+ writer!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-14 01:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the fuck do you dissapear to you damn pineapple! Post regularly damnit.
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2006-06-14 01:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very few people that aren't Peter Sellers can get me to laugh out loud ... you are one of them.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-06-14 00:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very funny.
Submitted by wasabi (user info) at 2006-06-13 23:11:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
teh awesome
Submitted by KindaLikeJesus (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Personal attacks against people followed by harassment excellent i might just make an ebay accout for that
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-06-12 21:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this always cracks me up
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-12 21:37:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I AM NEVER GOING TO MAKE B@W *weeps*
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-12 21:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Back to back
Submitted by Skolky2 (user info) at 2006-06-12 21:24:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a website where all people care about is the feedback they get?
impossible
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-12 10:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://feedback.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedbackMemberLeft&items=0&page=1&memberid=andy46477
hello and welcome to 1999
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-06-12 07:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Congratulations on having your posts join the rest of the bland turds at B@W.
A few years ago there used to be a ton of humor pages with these kinds of lame eBay feedback jokes on them.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-06-12 06:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats!!!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-07 10:13:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really think this should be B@W
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-06-07 10:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahaha!
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2006-06-07 09:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I Love you man , LOL !
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-06-05 16:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Turning eBay into Ubersite - brilliant
Submitted by ah_whatever (user info) at 2006-06-05 16:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fugly!
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-05 16:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
btw, your daughter is fugly!
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2006-06-05 16:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-06-05 02:51:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by deedee (user info) at 2006-06-05 00:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-06-04 13:48:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This deserves to be in the Most Viewed. I LOVE IT!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-06-04 13:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-06-04 13:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-06-04 13:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ebay is fun: http://www.amirtofangsazan.blogspot.com/
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2006-06-04 13:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Christ man! How did I stay away from the place with a gem like this. Laughed my fucking lung inside out.
Submitted by Konerak (user info) at 2006-06-04 10:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.bash.org/?199355
Submitted by ChaosTheorySD (user info) at 2006-06-03 04:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Am I the only nerd who actually tried to look up those eBay profiles?
Great read, thuogh.
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2006-06-03 04:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by I_love_Kracka (user info) at 2006-06-02 22:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wonderful
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:38:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-06-02 18:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-06-02 16:08:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've only purchased one item from eBay: The MAXX animated series
Plenty of people complain about assholes on eBay but the truth is interweb assholes are the same people who stiff you tips, call for the manager, and cut you off in traffic. Asshole is as Asshole does.
oh, and a sword, that was a gift for my girl's father.
Submitted by twentyseventy (user info) at 2006-06-02 15:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lying seller!
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2006-06-02 15:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-06-02 15:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-06-02 14:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Truly made me laugh. Loud enough for coworkers to file into my office to discover the source of my amusement. I'll have to find some of your other posts. Thanks for the laugh!
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-02 14:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DISGUSTING INDIVIDUAL!!!
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-06-02 13:46:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People will think you are loaded instead of being the jerk siphoning your internet from a neighbor's unsecured wireless connection.
___________________________________
SHIT I HAVE TO SECURE MY ROUTER
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-06-02 13:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-02 13:28:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-06-02 13:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-06-02 12:55:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus fucking two
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-02 12:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
best stabby post eva
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-02 12:51:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:56:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
ebay feedback jokes are old
------
not as old as your shitty guitar playing
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-06-02 12:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great for comedy value, top notch.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2006-06-02 12:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some great lines here
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-06-02 12:06:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SELLER PULLED PENIS OUT OF PANTS WHEN I PICKED ITEM UP. WEIRD FELLOW!
USED CONDOM FOUND IN PACKAGE ALONG WITH PRODUCT. DISGUSTING INDIVIDUAL!!!
---------
Gold
Submitted by greEn_uGly (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...oooor, you can do this http://amirtofangsazan.blogspot.com/
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"ITEM BROKEN UPON ARRIVAL DUE TO POOR PACKAGING" is an honest description, but does it really drive home the point? I suggest "FOUND HYPODERMIC NEEDLE WITH ODD SUBSTANCE INSIDE PACKAGE; I NOTIFIED POLICE".
--
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhaa
BOSSSSSSSSH!!!
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:11:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You scare me sometimes
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Lying seller.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are on a role, this should have made B@W not your last one.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hehehe
Submitted by Molari (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good advice :D
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Har
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:04:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me laugh.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-02 11:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit did I laugh at this.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ebay feedback jokes are old
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:55:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ahahhahahhaha!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:53:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahahahahaha