Secret Sleaze (421 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <ljohnson823.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-06-02 17:01:10 EDT
Okay, what is it with some guys? I mean not all guys, maybe I should say sleazy guys. I have a really sleazy guy neighbor who actually doesn't come off like that at all. He seems pretty much normal until....he speaks. Then it all goes wrong. See, I hate guys like that. The secret sleaze. They look completely normal,nice,sometimes even clean. Then BAM!! They open their mouths and this vomitous eruption of nasty dribble falls at your feet. On to the point. Walking out to my car one night and crazy neighbor opens the window and yells out at me. I said hi back and proceeded into the car, but he still keeps talking. Finally I hear what he's saying and its shit like "You're beautiful" (Which wasn't awful so I kept listening). But then, "If you come up here (his apt.)I'll tear that ass up" and "I would do you so good". What the fuck?!! Do I look like a pro? NO. Are we in a club? NO. Are you drunk? Probably yeah but still. Don't yell out your window at me when I'm trying to go get a pack of cigs. Not good people skills and definitely not good pick-up lines. He then proceeds to tell me how he can hear my boyfriend and I having sex (his bedroom wall is next to ours). At this point I'm just like "holy hell" and I drive away. He tried to talk to me when I got back,but I just flipped him off. Then my boyfriend came home. Later that night my boyfriend and I had sex and I just hope to God dude wasn't jacking off to it.
User Reviews
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-06-03 02:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NO WAY. NOT WINSTON. Get this. Fifth grade. Mrs. Boobcheck is going outside to water some plants. Winston throws me a half pound of cocaine over my sisters head for the Butterfinger I scored him the day before. Get this. Sniper shoots the bag because he thinks it's an Arabic bald eagle, coke goes into my sisters vagina. She was 27 years old.
Submitted by ThoreauMe (user info) at 2006-06-03 01:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chazzy (user info) at 2006-06-02 18:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ah, sweet pity: where would my love life have been without it?
-- Homer Simpson
I Love Lisa
Submitted by justabouttired (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:17:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Oh how I wish I cared...alas
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
For Shizzle?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Huh.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:13:56 (#)
Ranking: -1
He WAS jacking off to it!
He was before he told you he could hear you, and he will again!!
Now try to get that image outta your head next time you're bein' nailed hard!!
---
Unless you don't want to cum right away, in which case just think of the Holocaust.
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
He WAS jacking off to it!
He was before he told you he could hear you, and he will again!!
Now try to get that image outta your head next time you're bein' nailed hard!!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And what is the deal with harpoon guns? Have you ever been out on a date and about to hit it in the back seat of your Dodge Dart when, all of a sudden, you accidentally lay back on your harpoon gun? The fuck? Why are they so big? I mean, really, how did the guys at the end of Thunderball live with themselves? They must have been all nicked up and cut to pieces after keeping their harpoon guns in their living spaces. Like I have time to deal with people and their weaponry (the obscure kind). I have a hard enough time dealing with people and their weaponry (the normal, man-on-top/missionary-only kind) as is to have to devote some of my energy to some crank with a speargun. Next thing you know there'll be pygmies at Red Robin with blowguns leaving my cheese out in the wind. GODDAMN PYGMIES! What else do you have up your sleeve, McLintock? Maybe a butter knife or some sort of jellyfish projectile? Fuck people. Fuck their arms. Balls. That is all.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:11:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Congratulations. You met a guy who says what he thinks. They all think that way. Your boyfriend thinks the same exact thing, but has the wits not to tell you.
This actually could have been a good anecdote if you weren't a shitty writer.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck it
I laughed
Submitted by gazdemon (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
move.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:03:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OKAY WUT IS IT WIT SOM3 GUYS??!!!?? OMG I MAAN NOT AL GUYS MAYB I SHUD SAY SL3AZY GUYS!!!!! WTF LOL I HAEV A RILLY SLEAZY GUY NEIGHBOR WHO ACTUALY DO3SNT COM3 OF LIEK TAHT AT AL!1!!! HE SEMS PRETY MUCH NORMAL UNTIL..HE1!!111!!111!!!1!!!111 OMG WTF LOL SPEAKS11!11! WTF THAN IT AL GO3S WRONG!11! OMG LOL SE I HAET GUYS LIEK TAHT!!1!!11 WTF LOL TEH SECRAT SLEAEZ!!!! WTF LOL TH3Y LOK COMPLATALY NORMALNIECSOMETIEMS AV3N CLEAN1!!!1! LOL THEN BM!1111!!11!1!! WTF LOL THAY OPAN THERE MOUTHS AND THIS VOMI2US 3RUPTION OF NASTY DRIBLA FALS AT UR FET1!1!1!!! OMG LOL ON 2 TEH POINT!1!1!!!! OMG WTF LOL WOKNG OUT 2 MAH CAR ONE NIGHT AND CRAZY NEIGHBOR OPENS DA WINDOW AND Y3LS OUT AT ME!11!1!! OMG WTF I SADE HI BAK AND PROCEDAD IN2 TEH CAR BUT HE STIL KEPS TOKNG!1!!! LOL FINALY I H3AR WUT HES SAYNG AND ITS SHIT LIEK UR BAUTIFUL (WHICH WASNT AWFUL SO I K3PT LISTENNG)!1!1 LOL BUT THAN IF U COME UP HARE (HIS APT)IL11!!!1!1 OMG WTF TEAR TAHT AS UP AND I WUD DO U SO GOD111!!11 OMG WTF WTF?!?!??!?!!11!!!11!!! OMG WTF DO I LOK LIEK A PRO??!???!!! OMG WTF NO!!1!!11 OMG R WE IN A CLUB?????!!! LOL NO1!!11 WTF LOL R U DRUNK?!?!? OMG PROBABLY Y3AH BUT STIL111!111 OMG DONT YEL OUT UR WINDOW AT ME WHEN IMM TRYNG 2 GO GET A PAK OF CIGS!1!!1!! NOT GOD P3OPLA SKILS AND DEFINIETLY NOT GOD PIK-UP LIENS1!11 H3 THAN PROCEDS 2 TAL ME HOW H3 CAN H3AR MAH BOYFREIND AND I HAVNG SEX (HIS BDROM WAL IS NEXT 2 OURS)!111 AT THIS POINT IMM JUST LIEK HOLY H3L AND I DRIEV AWAY!1!111!! WTF LOL HE TREID 2 TOK 2 ME WHEN I GOT BAKBUT I JUST FLIP3D HIM OF1!1!1!!1 OMG WTF LOL THAN MAH BOYFREIND CME HOM3!1!1 WTF L8R TAHT NIGHT MAH BOYFREIND AND I HAD SEX AND I JUST HOP3 2 GOD DUDE WASNT JAKNG OF 2 IT
!11!111 LOL
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-06-02 17:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
yes, i do masturbate to the noise