I Fired an Uber User Today and it was Fuck-ing Funny! (1337 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.27 on 57 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Doodies (View user info) at 2006-06-02 20:37:20 EDT
I have a small business with 4 employees who mostly tele-commute, except in rare circumstances.
I almost never go in to the office except on Mondays.
Today, Friday, one of the guys must've had a computer problem at home, so he came in to work on a project with a Monday deadline.
When I got there, I saw his car in the parking lot, so I decided to sneak up on him and see what stage he was at instead of listening to the usual bullshit that it's coming along.
I came up behind him, and he was on Uber! What an idiot. He can sit on this shitty site all day at home and I wouldn't know as long as he got his work done.
This site is one of the reasons China's GDP will fuck ass in 8-10 years, if it takes that long.
Anyway, back to the story. Basically, I fired him on the fucking spot. I physically pulled him out of his chair so he couldn't sign off and ushered him to the door.
I had to almost push him out (more on that later) and then I went back to his computer (my computer)and he was right in the middle of a post, and you'll never believe who it is. A very popular member of your retarded clan, actually. He acts real tough, but in real life, a real pussy. That's what makes what happened next so funny. Before I reveal his identity, here's the best part:
When I was ushering (half shoving) him to the door, he started crying and tried to turn and talk to me. He stumbled and fell on his knees, grabbing my shirt. AND IT'S ON TAPE! We have a surveillance camera that's pointed at the front doors.
Which means I can get a still picture of this blubbering uber-douche begging for his job!
ON HIS PUSSY KNEES!
Then, he actually stayed down there for at least a full minute, holding my shirt and crying for his job. Unbelievable.
I damn near opened my fly and let him suckle his way to a promotion.
So, to you fucking gubers who post all day instead of working, ripping off your bosses and helping drive the economy into the shithouse, I give you the identity of the world's biggest uber-pussy:
drum roll please
louder
more intense
his uber identity is
Just kidding. I made that story up to jack off to.
User Reviews
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-15 02:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-06-16 13:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I know everythin' they is to know about the shrimpin bidness.
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-06-16 13:27:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loved it. Really pulled me into it. I know none of you but I was interested in who it could have been. But then, I've always been easily amused.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-06-16 13:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 for good measure.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-06-16 12:54:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I figured chances of that happening was slim, but I still wanted it to be true.
Oh well.
Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:38:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish everyone on this site worked for me, so I could fire them all.
Except for you Doodies, I would suckle my way to a promotion with you.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-06-05 14:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
clever
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-06-04 23:25:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
AHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't get it.
Submitted by Sheba (user info) at 2006-06-04 22:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pastacheese (user info) at 2006-06-04 18:43:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-06-04 18:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm still somewhat certain you're an alter. Don't tell anyone about this rating.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-06-04 17:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite possible one of the best posts of the year.
Granted, that's not quite saying much.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-06-04 15:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-06-03 02:35:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
kinda not shitty
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-04 15:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ehhh
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-06-03 16:01:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-03 15:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stupid AND unfunny = auto -2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-03 14:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I'm actually giving you a +2.
Submitted by greEn_uGly (user info) at 2006-06-03 07:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for not being doodles
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-06-03 02:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
kinda not shitty
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-03 02:00:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-06-03 01:51:12 (#)
Ranking: 1
thats kinda funny
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-06-03 01:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
thats kinda funny
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-06-03 01:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
goddammit Bubba!, you stepped in it again
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-06-03 01:26:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha, I was going to -2 you if this was a gag, but he ending made me laugh out loud, and my policy is an insta +2 for real laughter.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-06-03 01:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
huh
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-06-03 01:18:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
- a billion because I wanted this to be true.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-06-03 00:21:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me giggle with glee once when I thought it was true and a second time when I found out it wasn't
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-06-03 00:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Doodies vs Doodles
I am teh confused
Also, this post had no point.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-06-03 00:04:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't know why, really, but it made me laugh. the kind of laughter that comes, with no control
Submitted by Sockster (user info) at 2006-06-02 23:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Something was like that was expected, but thank you for brightening my day.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-02 22:27:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you are a little bitch, it's true
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-06-02 22:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey ddoddles - where is your camwhore?
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-06-02 22:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm surprised I liked it.
Submitted by ThoreauMe (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:49:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:41:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:34:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
"oooh have a plus 2 please don't pick on me anymore doodies"
shutup doodles you faggot. where is that camwhore you one armed fuck?
---
Tarnation, buddy, please consider laying of the cock, I'm gonig to need your ass to be tight when I get a horse to rape you, it's much more fun if you're screaming in pain, instead of moaning like the faggoty bitch that you are.
Much Love
Your soon to be rapist
Doodles
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
OK, I misread the poster's name. So sue me.
Submitted by Drygionus (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"oooh have a plus 2 please don't pick on me anymore doodies"
shutup doodles you faggot. where is that camwhore you one armed fuck?
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I new it was a farce after the first sentence. But +2 because i will be drunk soon and this is the last post i will read today, or for the weekend for that matter. Later niggas!
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a +2 for making Bubba think you're me.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:03:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, I'm glad this was all in jest, otherwise I might have to believe a
young, applesauce stealing punk could be in charge of real humans.
That would be a travesty. Bwahahahaaaaaahhhhaaaaahhhhhhaaahahahaha!!
---
Your eyes must be failing you old man, I didn't write this post, doodIes did.
Submitted by Mrdurden24 (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:22:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was funny
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:03:14 (#)
Ranking: 3
Man, I'm glad this was all in jest, otherwise I might have to believe a
young, applesauce stealing punk could be in charge of real humans.
What do you call the US government?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit
I was hoping this was true
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:03:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Check out my hot ass girlfriend. You wish you could get a piece... I don't think so!!!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, I'm glad this was all in jest, otherwise I might have to believe a
young, applesauce stealing punk could be in charge of real humans.
That would be a travesty. Bwahahahaaaaaahhhhaaaaahhhhhhaaahahahaha!!
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-06-02 21:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
doodles, I mean it. I don't fuck with high schoolers.
But I've been watching your reviews. You've fallen in with the wrong crowd, son.
Although you are writing much better than even a month ago.
Seriously.
I think you have potential.
But you should stop trying to imitate the assholes, and channel that energy into your posts.
I have faith in you boy.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-06-02 20:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty good.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-02 20:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So, did you just get unbanned, bitch?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-06-02 20:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-06-02 20:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you graduate yet, doodles?
Just checking, cause then it's gloves off, my pasty friend.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2006-06-02 20:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
original
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-06-02 20:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I hope it was a good ejaculation.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-02 20:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahaha
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-02 20:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're a fucking bitch, however the post was decent. Have a 0 instead of a -2.
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2006-06-02 20:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Had me to the end...
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-02 20:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha
Well-told, and with a good moral.