I am the King of the Homeless (793 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.17 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by goferforhire <goferforhire.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-06-03 15:12:24 EDT
It has come to my attention over the years that I have a rare and truly marvelous gift- a kind of Pied-Piper-esque magnetism that draws the destitute and horrific poverty-stricken like a free buffet. It's not arrogant for me to say this at all, I've got anecdotal evidence to prove it. Over the course of my life, a number of events have transpired that have led me to believe I've got some kind of musk that all the street people just can't get enough of.
I have been called Jesus. I have been called Ghandi. I have been called St. Peter. Complete (schizophrenic) strangers have bowed to me in the streets. My personal favorite was being offered money by a homeless man. That was kinda backwards.
New York, 2003: Walking down the streets, not even planning on throwing the poor guy a buck, I'm approached by a shifty-eyed vagabond. The smelly man leans in, looks around to make sure no one else hears it, and whispers-
"I know you. You're the reincarnation of Ghandi. Don't worry about it dude, I won't tell anybody you're here."
Richmond, 2004: Approached by a similar fellow, with a similar story- only this time, I'm informed that I'm St. Peter, in on a routine spying mission to see who's worthy of going to heaven. I think I'll let him in.
New York, 2006: In the train station, about to go home, in the middle of a tourist group (my school) I am calmly sipping a smoothy and talking to a few people I kind of like. I do that a lot. Out of the blue, this disheveled fellow comes up and hands me 20 bucks. 20 dollars, just like that. He says-
"You don't wanna drink that shit, man, you gotta long train ride ahead. You need some absolut, here get some for you and some for your mother."
Hobos love me.
User Reviews
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm +2ing all your posts as a sign of good faith. I just want to show that there is no animosity between us. Friends?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by resignator (user info) at 2006-06-15 18:43:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Chomsky
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-06-10 19:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-06-06 09:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For Viggo.
Submitted by Dr.Midget (user info) at 2006-06-04 01:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My question is, did you take the money?
also how do ou plan on using your new found homeless powers?
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-06-04 01:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for a homeless man offering you cash.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-06-04 00:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/87746
I win.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-03 23:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68855
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-03 23:15:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
expand, add some absurd juxtaposition with location and resubmit.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-06-03 21:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm down. But if I accidentally touch my mother inappropriately, I'm going to have to blow my brains out. Of course, you know how that turns Ghandi on.
Submitted by Dr.Midget (user info) at 2006-06-03 20:49:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I might be able to fit you in between your mom and Ghandi. is 6:00 A.M. good for you?
Then again how are you about orgies? Me, you, your mom, and Ghandi....... sounds kinky
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-06-03 20:32:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I might be ok with that. You busy next saturday?
Submitted by Dr.Midget (user info) at 2006-06-03 20:11:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And your mommy loves me as well.
Chances are that im your father but i dont love you.
Unless you want me to love you in my own special way.
Submitted by Dr.Midget (user info) at 2006-06-03 20:08:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have filled me in enough for me to give you this +2
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-06-03 19:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My mommy loves me. That counts, too.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-03 19:39:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At least SOMEONE does.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-06-03 18:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Jesus encounter just consisted of someone pointing at me and screaming Jesus over and over again, hysterically.
Seemed like overkill
Submitted by a_palindrome (user info) at 2006-06-03 17:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Viggo Mortenson is so friggen beautiful.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-06-03 15:57:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dr.Midget (user info) at 2006-06-03 15:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Jesus encounter was not mentioned.
Why do you hate Jesus?