Wheelchair racing (807 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.75 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (View user info) at 2006-06-05 05:31:19 EDT
Yesterday I did something I wasn't sure I could do, I raced 5 kilometres in a wheelchair. Why in a wheelchair PAS? We know you're fat but you've got legs, you can do the truffle shuffle.
Well, I was planning to jog the 5k course in aid of Cancer Research's 'race for life' and I had been training for weeks, I'd run the distance while on holiday in France, but on the 13th May I broke my ankle in a HORIFIC accident, I fell into a steel bear trap that sliced into my foot spilling blood everywhere and I could feel it's ugly metal teeth biting into my bones, just as a huge mother bear came into sight growling ferociously and as she rose onto her hind legs towering over me and baring her horrendous fangs, I could feel myself begin to faint in terror and wondered if she would enjoy eating the chubs on my quivering jelly-like body...
Actually I broke my ankle by tripping over a chained footpath in Henley, but the other version sounds much more exciting, a bit like Grizzly Man.
It was 3 weeks before my big race and I couldn't walk, let alone run, and I was covered in a plastercast from my left knee to just above my toes. I was gutted, not only because I'd spent time raising money and training, but because I was doing it in memory of my mum's partner Pat who passed away in March from lung cancer, he was only 59 years old. A week after he died I signed up for the race, determined to do something in his honour (and to attempt to lose some of my whale blubber).
You know how mules are meant to be stubborn? And bulls? Imagine all the obstinate fugly animals in the world and then take a good look at my face. My chin was set like flabby steel. Strong, determined. And a bit wobbly. I decided I was still going ahead, only I'd have to do it in a wheelchair. The NHS didn't provide one, although they were very generous when it came to crutches and granny walking frames. However, Pat had purchased a self-propelled wheelchair shortly before he died (he was in so much pain from cancer he had trouble walking towards the end).
The big day finally arrived, Sunday 4th June. The location - Oxford University Parks. The time - 2.30pm. The weather - glorious sunshine. Types of participants - thousands of women of all ages and sizes. I had my gloves on, I was in Pat's wheelchair, I had that adamant look on my face of 'I'm going to do it, I don't need any help. Don't push me sucker' and so we began.
The runners went in front. Then the walkers. Then the other lady in a wheelchair (boy she had strong arms). Then the tortoise. Then me. God damn was I slow. When the sign for 1k came up I thought they had to be joking. Another 4k to go? Nooooooo! But a race marshall walked alongside me full of encouraging words and told me how he was a personal fitness trainer and I was doing the equivalent of <insert large number here> tricep dips.
My husband also accompanied me and stopped me falling off the path into the pond (some parts of the course were on a slight slope). The people watching the race were tremendously supportive and as everyone completed the race before me, they all gathered together at the finish line shouting and cheering my name. It was slightly embarrasing to finish last (and it made me feel special, in a 'special' disabled kind of way) but mostly I felt fantastic because it was a huge personal achievement.
The event organiser met me at the finish line and gave me a hug and she had tears in her eyes. Yes, I made a woman cry. Golly.
So the next time someone whines to you that they've sprained their leg or twisted their ankle and they can't walk or run, tell them they're a pussy and if PAS can push her tubby body 5k in a wheelchair with a broken ankle, they can quit their bitching and hop. Tell them to crawl on their eyelids if they have to.
For your amusement (and in anticipation of your disparaging remarks), here is a photo of me before I started the race.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-06-05 21:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-06-05 20:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright, partner
Keep on rollin' baby
You know what time it is
Chocolate Starfish
Gonna keep on rollin' baby
Who's in, now who's out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what you gonna do now
Breathe in, now breathe out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what you gonna do now
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Now I know ya'll be lovin' this sh*t right here
L. I. M. P. Bizkit is right here
People in the house put them hands in the air
'Cause if you don't care, then we don't care
1.. 2.. 3.. times 2 to the 6
Jonesin' for your fix 'cause the Limp Bizkit mix
So where the f*ck you at?
Punk shut the f*ck up
And back the f*ck up
Before we f*ck this track up
Who's in, now who's out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what you gonna do now
Breathe in, now breathe out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what you gonna do now
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
You wanna mess with Limp Bizkit
You can't mess with Limp Bizkit
Because we get it on
Everyday and everynight
And this platinum thing right here
We're doing it all the time
So you better get some better beats
And, uh get some better rhymes
We got the game set so don't complain yet
Twenty-four seven, never beggin' for a raincheck
Old school soldiers passin' out the hot sh*t
That rocks sh*t and bounces the mosh pit
Who's in, now who's out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what you gonna do now
Breathe in, now breathe out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what you gonna do now
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Hey Ladies
Hey Fellas
And the people that don't give a f*ck
All the lovers
All the haters
And all the people that call themselves playas
Hot momma's
Pimp daddy's
And the people rollin' up in caddies
Hey rockers
Hip-Hoppers
And everybody all around the world
Who's in, now who's out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what you gonna do now
Breathe in, now breathe out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what you gonna do now
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Who's in, now who's out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what you gonna do now
Breathe in, now breathe out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what you gonna do now
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-06-05 20:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
roll'n roll'n roll'n
keep them wheels a roll'n
raw butt
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-06-05 19:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's pretty hard core
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-06-05 17:51:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good for you!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-06-05 17:37:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-05 17:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that doesn't look like a motorized wheelchair.
But how awesome would that be? You could drink beer and eat Cheetos during the race, you onlyy need one hand to steer...
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-06-05 16:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you race Berty?
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-06-05 16:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
skate it off
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2006-06-05 16:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-06-05 12:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good for you.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Race related boast
I was at Le-Man for the 24 hour race practise weekend this weekend...it was high octane, fuel guzzling environmentally unfriendly ear splitting mayhem.
The Aston's are cool as always.
The Corvettes are noisy motherfuckers and the new Audi Diesel is scarily silent!!
That is all.
(good for you btw, this year has cost me a few quid....don't run it myself but lost my Aunt to cancer at far too young an age so always sponsor friends that do)
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I live in fear of the walkers catching up to me in those races.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-05 09:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-06-05 09:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read it, but have a +2 because you posted something with content.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-06-05 09:17:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to fly to england and kick you in the throat if you did it in a powered wheel chair, that would be fucked up.
Most races I do have a few people in wheel chairs, but they are the high tech kind, cantered wheels, and hand pedals out front, they actually go before the runners because they are faster.
I did one half marathon (13.1 miles, like 20-24k??) where this woman did the whole thing in a regular wheel chair. Bad ass.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good on you.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:17:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice cankles.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2006-06-05 06:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was thinking of the one in Berty's comic book link who looked like he might be able to move his limbs afterall. Nevermind me, I'd better put on the kettle.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 06:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2006-06-05 06:15:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hah, I'll be able to walk in 3 or 4 weeks. Yes, I'm incredibly jealous. Damn you and all quadraplegics!
---
Quadraplegiacs have it worse than you. They can't even scratch their nose without outside help. Unless they have the world's largest penis.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2006-06-05 06:15:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hah, I'll be able to walk in 3 or 4 weeks. Yes, I'm incredibly jealous. Damn you and all quadraplegics!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 06:07:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can walk. Jealous much?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-05 05:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.smbc-comics.com/
If I died at 59 I wouldn't be happy about it but I would look on the bright side; no arthritis, no awful nightmarish death from stroke involving years spent trapped inside a broken shell of a body unable to communicate or live.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-06-05 05:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I too thought you were in a powered wheel chair for a moment.
Good on you, well done. I bet those arms are sore today.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-06-05 05:44:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Probably would have been easier to hobble. Well done. People think I did a race for charity too, but I just made it up for some weak joke about saddam hussein.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 05:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I am bewildered as to why Berty isn't mocking you, telling you about how he can climb stairs and mountains in his wheelchair.
Also, for a while I thought you had a power wheelchair. NOW THAT WOULD BE ACE!
Give me money you stingy cunts, it's for charity!
*electric whirring*
It's hard work holding the 'up' button you know!
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2006-06-05 05:36:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When you get to retirement age Berty, you'd like to enjoy your golden years, not die. 59 is not old for humans. I wish he'd had another 10 years.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-05 05:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've seen things in mueseums that where less than 59 years old. 59 is ancient.