Australia. The World's Greatest Footballing Nation (1188 hits)
Category: SportsLabels: stop_making_rash_bets
Rating: 0.66 on 62 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Redskieslookfake (View user info) at 2006-06-05 06:54:39 EDT
All Circe's fault. She hasn't even been bitten by a snake, how can she call herself a proper Australian? As demanded...
Australia have long been a world power in rugby and cricket, two sports that I have very little time for. However, with their ASTOUNDING draw with Holland yesterday, Australia have signalled their intention to add football to their roster of sporting achievement.
The sublime pony tailed skills of Harry Kewell will light up the World Cup (who has been DESPERATELY UNLUCKY) to have not played more for Liverpool this year as he has been tripped up by dingos which he has imported from Australia to feel more at home amongst the council estates of Toxteth. Aging Cafu will find himself passed again and again as Kewell gives him twisted blood with his tricksy skills, ball juggling ability, and devastating pace.
Mark Viduka was so upset at being born a Croatian that he swam to Australia to nail their colours to his mast. Not content with being an imposing presence on the pitch, who, if he turns and gets his bottom on you, will dominate you - much like Alan Shearer at his peak (thanks for Alex Ferguson for that)
Tim Cahill is a formidable goal scoring presence, breaking from deep, but unlike Blurry Eyed Ginger Misfit Paul Scholes, Tim Cahill has brought his fabulous club form to the international stage.
Brett Emerton has a wonderfully true Australian name, and his explosive pace will surely test the aging legs of Roberto 'My Thighs Are Thicker Than My Waist' Carlos.
Craig Moore plays for the greatest club side in the world. Although he has been in and out of the side, few would dare to presume that Titus Bramble is doing anything but keeping his place warm.
Mark Schwarzer is so damn hard that he deliberately fractured his own cheek bone prior to the UEFA Cup Final, just so his saves could be performed ENTIRELY WITH HIS FACE. With poisonous snake on a hot tin lid reflexes, Mark will be the unbreachable wall that will test Brazil's awed strike force.
Welding this team together is the wonderfully named Guus Hiddink. Guus was in such high demand for his services, that Roman Abramovich himself went along on bended knee to get Guus to come along to Russia. Guus regretfully will be leaving 'the greatest footballing nation in the world' after the World Cup as 'there is nothing more to teach these Wunderkind.' Respect Guusy.
Ronaldinho himself has been so impressed with Australia that he he has come out and issued the following statement
"Ronnie's wraps
Socceroos fans hang on to your hats - Ronaldinho reckons Australia could beat Brazil at the World Cup.
The Brazil ace has spoken of his respect for supercoach Guus Hiddink and says he is "personally fascinated" by the Australian team's rise into the top flight.
Australia and Brazil meet in the group stages on June 19 in Munich."
Upon being told that Brazil had been drawn in Australia's group stage, Ronaldinho promptly shat himself, and then wiped it up with his own shirt. Below is a picture of him checking for cleanliness.
Australia, although I love England, and wish that they win the World Cup, I fear that if we are drawn against you, we will be beaten sorely, indeed, shamed from the field by your fine athleticism and sense of fair play.
User Reviews
Submitted by aquagirl (user info) at 2008-09-08 16:06:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Naplander (user info) at 2008-08-30 17:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Now we've learnt our A B C,
Won't you come and dance wit me?
Submitted by bricekrispy (user info) at 2008-08-24 16:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-07-06 17:32:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-07-05 09:54:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
super ghey geordie goal poacher al.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-07-05 09:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a al, super al. super duper ghey al.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-05 08:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.bebo.com/FlashBox.jsp?FlashBoxId=1148343711
Alan Shearer.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-06-13 02:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I ejaculated four times while reading this post.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-13 02:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Australia 3, Japan 1.
Tim Cahill was dirty mind. Still, good game
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-06-07 02:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mark Schwarzer is so damn hard that he deliberately fractured his own cheek bone prior to the UEFA Cup Final, just so his saves could be performed ENTIRELY WITH HIS FACE. With poisonous snake on a hot tin lid reflexes, Mark will be the unbreachable wall that will test Brazil's awed strike force.
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Did you hear us singing Waltzing Matilda at the game?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-07 02:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The post was the result of losing a bet.
Pray tell, where is your own post?
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-06-06 21:58:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-06 17:51:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-06-06 17:02:56 (#)
Ranking: -2
SOCCER sucks. (And yea, I'll call it soccer all I fucking want. It actually differentiates it from the other dozen sports that are known as 'football', like american football, aussie rules football, rugby football, gaelic football etc etc etc, bitching about people calling it 'soccer' is fucking retarded.)
It sure as fuck isn't the "hardest, most demanding" sport there is, that is probably the stupidest thing I've ever read. MAYBE it's one of the hardest team/ball sports, but fuck, I guess you've never heard of freestyle snowboarding, or motorcross, or skateboarding or any other "action" sports, they take a fuckload more coordination and skill than booting a ball around a field. (Don't believe that? fine, get a team of soccer players and see how well they go on snowboards, then get a bunch of snowboarders and see how well they kick a ball around, I'll guarantee that the boarders at the very LEAST have a decent grip of the basics, whereas the soccer-fags wouldn't even be able to stand up on a snowboard). Hell, even super-gay shit like Gymnastics takes more skill than soccer.
The only reason soccer is so popular is because Euros are a bunch of fags that love watching grown men fondle each others buttocks every time someone scores a goal... Of course, I also hate Rugby, which is HUGE in my country, and there's a lot of bum-touching in that too... Maybe there's just a lot of closet homosexuals out there who get off on that shit. Either way, soccer still sucks.
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This comment was rubbish.
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Nowhere near as rubbish as your post.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-06 17:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-06-06 17:02:56 (#)
Ranking: -2
SOCCER sucks. (And yea, I'll call it soccer all I fucking want. It actually differentiates it from the other dozen sports that are known as 'football', like american football, aussie rules football, rugby football, gaelic football etc etc etc, bitching about people calling it 'soccer' is fucking retarded.)
It sure as fuck isn't the "hardest, most demanding" sport there is, that is probably the stupidest thing I've ever read. MAYBE it's one of the hardest team/ball sports, but fuck, I guess you've never heard of freestyle snowboarding, or motorcross, or skateboarding or any other "action" sports, they take a fuckload more coordination and skill than booting a ball around a field. (Don't believe that? fine, get a team of soccer players and see how well they go on snowboards, then get a bunch of snowboarders and see how well they kick a ball around, I'll guarantee that the boarders at the very LEAST have a decent grip of the basics, whereas the soccer-fags wouldn't even be able to stand up on a snowboard). Hell, even super-gay shit like Gymnastics takes more skill than soccer.
The only reason soccer is so popular is because Euros are a bunch of fags that love watching grown men fondle each others buttocks every time someone scores a goal... Of course, I also hate Rugby, which is HUGE in my country, and there's a lot of bum-touching in that too... Maybe there's just a lot of closet homosexuals out there who get off on that shit. Either way, soccer still sucks.
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This comment was rubbish.
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-06-06 17:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SOCCER sucks. (And yea, I'll call it soccer all I fucking want. It actually differentiates it from the other dozen sports that are known as 'football', like american football, aussie rules football, rugby football, gaelic football etc etc etc, bitching about people calling it 'soccer' is fucking retarded.)
It sure as fuck isn't the "hardest, most demanding" sport there is, that is probably the stupidest thing I've ever read. MAYBE it's one of the hardest team/ball sports, but fuck, I guess you've never heard of freestyle snowboarding, or motorcross, or skateboarding or any other "action" sports, they take a fuckload more coordination and skill than booting a ball around a field. (Don't believe that? fine, get a team of soccer players and see how well they go on snowboards, then get a bunch of snowboarders and see how well they kick a ball around, I'll guarantee that the boarders at the very LEAST have a decent grip of the basics, whereas the soccer-fags wouldn't even be able to stand up on a snowboard). Hell, even super-gay shit like Gymnastics takes more skill than soccer.
The only reason soccer is so popular is because Euros are a bunch of fags that love watching grown men fondle each others buttocks every time someone scores a goal... Of course, I also hate Rugby, which is HUGE in my country, and there's a lot of bum-touching in that too... Maybe there's just a lot of closet homosexuals out there who get off on that shit. Either way, soccer still sucks.
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-06-06 02:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yay! go packers!!! oh that kind of football, nevermind.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-06-05 20:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-06-05 19:57:04 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-05 13:10:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Chi_Guy (user info) at 2006-06-05 12:59:28 (#)
Ranking: -2
Australia doesn't play football... They play a puss game called Soccer. The most boring, idiotic, sport ever.
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Only Americans, (and possibly Canadians, the cheaper, imitation version of Americans) play soccer, every other country plays football, and call our game of football, in which you only have at most two people use their feet mind you, American football.
Also I'm willing to bet football/soccer is the hardest, most demanding sport there is. Hell rugby is even harder than American football.
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I think you mean "American, the cheaper, imitation version of Canadians."
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America has an army, canada has trees. America has american guitars, canada has trees. America has real football, canada has trees. One of canada's main exports is paper. Canada doesn't have trees.
Fuck canada.
Tour de France is a bike race that takes 11 years off your life after completing it, you have to train for it when you're a fetus, and it's not even a real sport. How's that for demanding.
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-06-05 19:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-05 13:10:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Chi_Guy (user info) at 2006-06-05 12:59:28 (#)
Ranking: -2
Australia doesn't play football... They play a puss game called Soccer. The most boring, idiotic, sport ever.
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Only Americans, (and possibly Canadians, the cheaper, imitation version of Americans) play soccer, every other country plays football, and call our game of football, in which you only have at most two people use their feet mind you, American football.
Also I'm willing to bet football/soccer is the hardest, most demanding sport there is. Hell rugby is even harder than American football.
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I think you mean "American, the cheaper, imitation version of Canadians."
Submitted by GoldPlatedOrange (user info) at 2006-06-05 19:13:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tim Cahill is a formidable goal scoring presence, breaking from deep, but unlike Blurry Eyed Ginger Misfit Paul Scholes, Tim Cahill has brought his fabulous club form to the international stage
I stopped breating for at least 3 minutes. And hell no, England will never win the world cup, Brazil will rape their sorry little asses
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-06-05 17:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because you got both Danger AND Circe to review, and I havent' seen anything by either of them for ages.
And you should have camwhored yourself!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-05 17:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.cafesydney.net/hyrax/fun_stuff/flash/BadgerBadgerBadgerFooty.swf
England will win the world cup.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-06-05 17:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heehe
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-06-05 16:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only good thing about SOCCER (because that's it's real name and it's one of earth's worst "sports" even below conversational german) is the crowd riots.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-06-05 16:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A +2 as promised because I'm better than you'll ever be.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88729
Suck my linkwhore.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-06-05 13:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in. next to soccer.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-06-05 13:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just read the title and choked on my cupcake, bastard.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-05 13:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Chi_Guy (user info) at 2006-06-05 12:59:28 (#)
Ranking: -2
Australia doesn't play football... They play a puss game called Soccer. The most boring, idiotic, sport ever.
---
Only Americans, (and possibly Canadians, the cheaper, imitation version of Americans) play soccer, every other country plays football, and call our game of football, in which you only have at most two people use their feet mind you, American football.
Also I'm willing to bet football/soccer is the hardest, most demanding sport there is. Hell rugby is even harder than American football.
Submitted by Chi_Guy (user info) at 2006-06-05 12:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Australia doesn't play football... They play a puss game called Soccer. The most boring, idiotic, sport ever.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-05 12:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm sorry, the United States is the greatest football nation - want proof?
BRONKO NAGURSKI, MOTHERFUCKA
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-05 12:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:34:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-06-05 12:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What's this now?
I've no use for this.
AND, I'm looking for a new job. I'm willing to relocate.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:54:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
and now, for my final act, my impression of this post: ASDDFKJDKFJENFK.DN FKDSNFLKNDSAKNMFKJNSKLDNFKSANFDNN ASDFKSMLFM KMASFDFLM MFKLDMSFLASFM JASLDFLDFMLDSFKSDLMFLKDSKJFLSAJFLM ASFDLDASKMFLKL AMLFDS FDM AJSFLA MLADLFKAL DFDNFLKJDFLKSAFASFDASKFDKSAFKDSFHJFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTBALL!!!!!!!!
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You are a palindrone.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
and now, for my final act, my impression of this post: ASDDFKJDKFJENFK.DN FKDSNFLKNDSAKNMFKJNSKLDNFKSANFDNN ASDFKSMLFM KMASFDFLM MFKLDMSFLASFM JASLDFLDFMLDSFKSDLMFLKDSKJFLSAJFLM ASFDLDASKMFLKL AMLFDS FDM AJSFLA MLADLFKAL DFDNFLKJDFLKSAFASFDASKFDKSAFKDSFHJFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTBALL!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sassy... Red... I just want to take the time to tell you how much I love you both. Separately, differently, but equally. And madly.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:01:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
Trogdor was a man....well....maybe he was a dragon man.....well.....maybe he was just a..dragon....but he was still TROGDOOOOORR!!!!! TROGDOOOOORR!!!!! Burninating the countryside. Burninating the Peasants. Burninating all the people in their THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES!!!! THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES!!!! AND THE TROGDOR HE COMES IN THE NIIIIIGHHTT!!!!!
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<raises BMW lighter>
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Must... contain.... myself...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I predict that other than a little bit of Turkish/German violence - all will be calm in Germany. Fun will be had by all.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Trogdor was a man....well....maybe he was a dragon man.....well.....maybe he was just a..dragon....but he was still TROGDOOOOORR!!!!! TROGDOOOOORR!!!!! Burninating the countryside. Burninating the Peasants. Burninating all the people in their THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES!!!! THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES!!!! AND THE TROGDOR HE COMES IN THE NIIIIIGHHTT!!!!!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-05 10:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I decided to tune into a bit of the World Cup coverage just for shits and giggles. I promptly got freaked out by the neo nazi crowds in Germany. This just can't be good.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-06-05 09:59:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:00:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
The Hissing Red Bastard.
That's what I'd be. I'd be bullet proof and have giant wings. I wouldn't fly - I'd just have them.
Actually
Fuck that.
I'd be a dragon. A big red dragon. And I'd breathe fire on anyone who pissed me off. I'd be fair though - leave me alone, and no scorchy hair burning
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TROGDOOOOOOR!
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-05 09:26:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"The same way England play their razza-ma-tazz look-at-us-we're-freaky-and-fast-check,-check,-check-us-out brand of football and then get done by a clynical continental side that just shrugs and puts one past them. "
Wow. I'm English speaking and from an ex-British colony just as you are but I have no fucking clue what you are saying. I blame it all on all those duckbilled platypuses, didgeridoos, and boomerangs.
Well, that's what I can figure from all those damned Outback restaurant commercials we have here in the US. We're also meant to believe that your only cooking facilities are outdoor charcoal grills and everyone drinks Fosters beer with a bunch of Kangaroos in tuxedos serving everyone Bloomin' Onions.
Damn American advertising.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 09:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
England *will* win the World Cup.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 09:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Dutch are a lovely people. They hate the Germans more than the English, I recall with particular joy the moment when Frank Rjikaard spat on Rudi Voller's hair.
I was in Amsterdam during Euro 2000, and they were some of the jolliest people I have ever met.
Bulgy eyed mind. Ever noticed that?
And Jaap Stam is an alien.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-06-05 09:15:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha
You should have fucking heard it here last night.
"Yeah, it's about time you sent him off!"
(Me, from the bedroom, where I was reading and trying to ignore the cursing) "Did he kneecap someone?"
"Just about!"
"Yeah, we're proud of that move."
He feels that drawing by, and I quote, "Beating up the opposing team", is not sportsmanlike.
He's not happy.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-06-05 09:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I mean we played shite and the Dutch were like, "Wtf is this? They give up possession so easily, but Guus is over there on the sideline and it must be like a ploy or something and it's awfully confusing and why can't this just be over so we can go and have some space cake - like Marco van Basten's hairdresser must have, and who obviously thought, "nope, not straight... no, still not... hmmm, it's kinda getting a little high..... I don't think I'll use the mirror..."
The same way England play their razza-ma-tazz look-at-us-we're-freaky-and-fast-check,-check,-check-us-out brand of football and then get done by a clynical continental side that just shrugs and puts one past them.
That's what I meant.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 09:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Germany have an outside chance, based on their easy qualifying group and advantage of playing at home. I don't think they'll get beyond the quarter finals frankly.
I really believe that England will win this world cup. We're looking stronger and stronger, and whereas in 2002 or 2004 I prayed we'd avoid some names until the final, now I say bring them on. Let's knock Brazil out nice and early, give the Czechs a spannering, and then out run Italy in the final.
Australia, realistically, have an ok chance of clearing their group stage, but after that, I think they'll go out at the first knockout.
Good luck to them though.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-06-05 09:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
to be perfectly honest, I love the sport... not in the pre-game analysis and who's who of teams, but the actual event. It's exciting, I admit, and I enjoy watching when it happens on my teevee. But alas, 99% of all talk about it goes straight over my head. No comprehension, no retention.
I'm just going to have to assume that you know what you're talking about (and quietly "Go Germany!" because in a way they are my home team)
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/world_cup_2006/teams/holland/5046840.stm
Of course they're going to win. Any team that injurs 3 people on the other team during a friendly is certain for victory.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:37:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
So on a serious note, last night was a fucking debarcle. We regressed to a Farinaesque team replete with shapeless non-know-how and well-timed fouls, drew the Dutchies into a sense of enormous wellbeing and then promptly dragged them down to our level, confusing them with passes they could run onto and an earnest willingness to hold our balls in a lot of walls.
We can win the World Cup, because Brazil, like the Dutch, are the only team in our group capable of not giving us any possession, if we qualify second we only have to meet crap teams from there on in. It's fucking brilliant.
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I have read this and re-read it over and over. And I still don't know exactly what you mean. You mean you played badly and this confused them? What?
I didn't actually watch the game, but there certainly seemed plenty of fouls.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So on a serious note, last night was a fucking debarcle. We regressed to a Farinaesque team replete with shapeless non-know-how and well-timed fouls, drew the Dutchies into a sense of enormous wellbeing and then promptly dragged them down to our level, confusing them with passes they could run onto and an earnest willingness to hold our balls in a lot of walls.
We can win the World Cup, because Brazil, like the Dutch, are the only team in our group capable of not giving us any possession, if we qualify second we only have to meet crap teams from there on in. It's fucking brilliant.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck yeh.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nonsense.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't have a silly accent, a penchant for sheep buggery or the tendency to say 'look you' in a pleasant lilt at regular intervals. Nor would I brag about the toll on the Clifton suspension bridge.
Australians would call me a 'knackerkangascorchah' and tell stories about me.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:07:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fair do's. Wouldn't worry me none, being fireproof and all.
On a down side, people might think you're Welsh.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 08:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Hissing Red Bastard.
That's what I'd be. I'd be bullet proof and have giant wings. I wouldn't fly - I'd just have them.
Actually
Fuck that.
I'd be a dragon. A big red dragon. And I'd breathe fire on anyone who pissed me off. I'd be fair though - leave me alone, and no scorchy hair burning
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-06-05 07:53:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd be a fireproof three-toed sloth.
I would be ace! "Forest fire? Pah, take it somewhere else, blaze boy. I laugh at your feeble attempt at combustion!"
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 07:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've just +2 myself too. I blame my shitty microsoft mouse - which I thieved from IT services when they weren't looking. My old mouse had a gunged up ball.
For shame.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 07:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Deadly venom and near invisibility. The hallmarks of any Australian animal.
Christ, if I were the most deadly animal in the world I would be Bright Red and arrogant with it.
Hey you, yeah you, I bite you, you're gonna die. Now get out of my way!
As opposed to lying around and bitching if some big footed tourist stamps on my leg.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-06-05 07:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 07:24:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
The puff adder. Isn't that yet another highly venomous animal that disguises itself as a twig, waits on paths and bites Ozzies?
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No, that, I believe, would be the Cassowary.
They're considered to be the most twig like of all twiggy animals.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 07:24:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The puff adder. Isn't that yet another highly venomous animal that disguises itself as a twig, waits on paths and bites Ozzies?
Australians must have the world's best sense of humour
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-06-05 07:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Shakespear" got bitten by a puff adder on "Meerkat Manor" on Saturday.
He was bitten twice whilst trying to get it out of the burrow.
This happened only hours after he saved his three week old brother, who had been kidnapped and abandoned by some rascally teenage meerkats.
He didn't make it through the night.
Poor, heroic, selfless Shakespear.
<weeps>
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-05 06:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thinking back, I wish I'd taken your first offer and outted myself on Uber. It would have been marginally less traumatic.
I think I'm going to find a Blue Ringed Octopus or Stonefish to stamp on to make me forget the pain.