No title 2 (380 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: Fictional
Rating: 0.66 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hourman (View user info) at 2006-06-05 09:48:49 EDT
Dave opened his eyes to the loud shrill cry of his alarm clock. He briefly looks around his sparse room, glaring at the computer. He knew if he started messing around on it, he probably wouldn't get to work on time.
He washed himself thoroughly before getting dressed in a very drab, but none the less smart, way. As Dave walked out the door he grabbed his briefcase and a sandwich before making his way to the lift and pushing the button.
The door opened as he was adjusting the glasses on his face. Just in time to see the large object moving towards him and subsequently knocking him on the floor. It was Lance from across the hallway. Lance wasn't necessarily bad, he just didn't like Dave. It was probably Dave's fault anyway. He couldn't think how he had upset Lance.
The usual hustle and bustle ensued as he made his way towards work. The office was located smack bang in the centre of the city. It was a glistening beacon of multi conglomerate triumph, towering over the smaller more inferior buildings bellow. Dave casually walked up to the security station flashed his pass and continued walking.
"What's in the briefcase son" Dave turned to see the security guard standing in front of him.
"Just the usual Jack"
Dave smiled. He had known Jack a while, and Jack always gave Dave trouble. To be honest he wasn't sure if Jack liked him at all.
"Well I'm just going to have to take a look"
Jack reached out for the case but Dave pulled it back. Jack moved fast for an older, larger man and snatched the briefcase right out of Dave's hand, somewhat hurting it.
Jack looked at Dave as he undid the clasps holding the case together and dumped Dave's perfect report on to the floor.
"Huh. Guess you're right Dave, ain't nothing in here."
Dave let out a sigh and started to reassemble his work. Jack leaned closer and whispered,
"It's not been a good week for me boy. So to make it better, I'm afraid I'm going to have to make yours worse"
Dave nodded in agreement and continued to pile the work into its container.
Dave of course had gotten in a lot of trouble for not being able to present a perfect report. Apparently he had been on thin ice for a while to otherwise they probably wouldn't have fired him. He was sat at home slumped in a chair; playing God knows how many hours of computer games.
He didn't remember falling asleep.
****************************************************************************************************
Michael woke up with a horrible sound in his head; consequently he needed a new alarm clock. He got up put on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a jacket. He grabbed his bag as he opened the door and made his way out. He knew where he was going.
He walked straight down the busy walkway through all the fuckers that stood in his way. If anyone glared, he glared back, if they pushed him, he pushed back, but God help you if you start shouting at Michael.
He stood outside the building. Grabbed a smoke. Better make this a good one. He took a deep breath and blew away all his fears, his hopes and dreams, he kept his passion. He needed that.
The doors moved easily as he forced his way through. The old guard stood there perplexed by what he saw. Michael moved straight past him, Michael fucking hated security. Police officers who never made it or police officers who wish they were still making it.
"Hey! Boy! Where the hell are you going?"
Michael stopped. He just looked at the guard and laughed. Michael got in the elevator, which thank God was empty. He didn't want to do have anyone around. The old guard jumped in the lift, panting.
"Did you hear me boy?"
Michaels' palm connected directly with the underside of the old guards nose, smashing the bone and driving it up into his brain. "That's one down." Michael said out loud "Just a couple more hundred to go" he said as he pulled out the guns from his bag.
****************************************************************************************************
Dave woke up. He was on a roof. Police were all around him. Was he dreaming? He put his hand on his leg to pinch himself when an almighty noise seemed to knock him back. He'd been shot! "Why did the cops shoot at him?" he thought as he stumbled backwards before having a very ominous feeling of flight. It quickly became apparent this was no dream. The concrete below greeted him. Michael smiled as they collided, finally they were free to be who they wanted.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-06 07:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-05 09:54:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
I am going to rate every one of your posts with a +2 without reading them.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-06-06 09:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-06 08:06:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
have a +2 while I get round to reading it.
---------
Well you didnt give me a plus 2 and its taken you an hour. hmmmmmm
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-06 08:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
have a +2 while I get round to reading it.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-06-05 11:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My speeling and grammer fucking sucks today to.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-06-05 11:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I kind of wanted to keep it simple. I figured that if i fleshed it out to much then it would lose validity, or become really predicable with the whole scizo thing. I tend to agree though, it wasn't short enough to have an imediate impact, nor was it long enough to have a slow realisation. Thanks for the pleasent review.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-06-05 11:22:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't care if Ned Flanders is the nicest guy in the world. He's a
jerk -- end of story.
-- Homer Simpson
When Flanders Failed
------------------------------------
Worth reading. The imagery is good, the concept is good. The flesh is thin though, the story starts and stops (as all stories must) but what happens in the middle is critical; we know nothing about Dave aside from the fact that he is presented as a push-over, we know nothing of Michael, aside from the fact that he is presented as a hard ass, there is no developement between them, no dynamic. One acts, the other reacts, but there is no WHY.
A little back story here could go a long way, and certainly the interactions could be more intense, more revealing.
I feel, however, that you are improving.