Excuse me, sir? (909 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.9 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dervel (View user info) at 2006-06-07 07:00:35 EDT
Over the weekend, I worked in a hotel in the Congress Park area of Denver.
I was asked by my manager to work on reception with one (which makes a total of, erm, lets see, one apple plus another apple is, ah, two) other person, and answer the guest's questions.
Normally, if I ever work on reception, it's as emergency cover, the girls don't like working with me as they think I'm a loon. They can't stop me wearing woman's underwear on my head though as I am registered with the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. This time, I was working with a male receptionist, which was fine, as I do tend to swing to the right.
Anyway, the shift was going very well, I'd only spilt egg yoke on my shirt twice so far, and the guest's were asking good questions, and I was following the company's rules of reply. You know, no speaking Klingon, no personal attacks, physical contact etc. All in all, it was great exercise and judging by the sweat stains under my arm, I'd lost about 5 pounds.
With about 20 minutes left in the 3 hour shift, a young man in his mid-20's came to the desk, and asked about getting an extra pillow.
The other receptionist started explaining that spare pillows can be found on the top shelf of the wardrobe in the customer's room. The kid stood there, kind of nodding, and everything seemed to be going fine.
But between the other receptionist, and me chewing the cuffs on my shirt, the kid said, and I quote: "I've already used the ones in there."
The other receptionist groaned. I know him from a previous shift and such, and I knew he was groaning because I was going to start talking complete and utter bollocks. This is a normal topic for me, and he knew I was going to cause an awkward and embarrassing scene.
So I stood up, spilling two hours of potato chip crumbs onto the floor, and walked to the front of the desk where the guest was stood.
"Sir, do you mind if I engage you in a quick dialogue, me and you?" I asked.
"Well sure," he replied, "but I'd really just like an extra pillow."
"Wasn't really planning on it." I sniffed, before contradicting myself "But I do plan on showing everyone else here the problems with your last statement. Anyway, what about evolution makes you not believe in it?"
"What? Evolution?" replied the man nervously "I only want a pillow!"
Maybe so, I thought, but I've just read a post with people arguing about Darwin and Evolutionists.
"Ah. I see." I retorted, whilst strutting around reception clutching the lapels on my food stain encrusted jacket "I'll cover the whole 'humans to apes' thing first. There is no direct link from humans to apes. We're linked to monkeys! M-O-N-K-E-E-S! Secondly, we both eat bananas."
"Well, Mr. Greening" replied the man, reading my name badge" I don't believe I asked that, I only wanted a pillow."
"You've made that obvious" I sneered "But if I may ask, what exactly do YOU believe, sir?"
"I believe that I would like an extra pillow." He replied.
"And your proof, sir?" I responded.
"It was my original request and my sole reason for coming down here, Mr. Greening." He muttered.
Ah. OK. Now I have some fun!
"A book, then?" I enquired.
"A book? No, I wanted a pillow!" the man replied, looking at the other receptionist desperately.
"But a book none-the-less, right?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Erm, no, a pillow, like a big cushion" he exclaimed, falling into my trap.
"Any scientific proof to back your beliefs?" I scoffed.
"I don't need any." Whimpered the man.
"Why not?" I whispered, whilst leaning in towards his face.
"Because I'm the customer, and the customer is never wrong." was his smug reply.
As if that was going to be enough for me.
Silly man.
"So, lemme get this straight. Evolution needs to have scientific fact, observable, provable, without any gap of scientific fact to be right, yet a demand for a pillow only needs a verbal request?" I bellowed.
He stood. Fidgeted a bit.
"I think I'll do without the pillow, Mr. Greening. I'll go back to my room now." he wailed.
I looked back at my co-receptionist and grinned knowingly. "Seen reason now have we, sir?" I leered.
To my surprise, he punched me in the face and told me to "FUCK OFF" before storming away.
Shortly after, my manager arrived and told me that I was needed in the laundry room.
"Oh Boy"! I exclaimed loudly, whilst stamping off to the laundry room like an asthmatic hippopotamus.
I like the laundry room. I get to wear the bed sheets as a robe and use a pillow to play at Mary and Jesus.
I like playing at breastfeeding baby best. It reminds me of going home to my Mommy.
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http://www.ubersite.com/m/88841
User Reviews
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2006-08-24 16:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, come on... teehee.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2006-08-24 16:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jpig outed himself.
You fucking sad, pathetic cockgobbler.
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v
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-08-24 16:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How this has 23 +2 reviews is beyond me.
only reason isnt negative is becasue
To my surprise, he punched me in the face and told me to "FUCK OFF" before storming away.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2006-08-24 15:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I truly miss Uber sometimes. I truly truly do.
Gt your ass over to Derby when you get a chance
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-06-07 22:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a cunt for getting to that before I could.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-06-07 11:31:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
That was pretty damn funny.
Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-06-07 11:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was pretty damn funny.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-06-07 10:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 whirling dervish
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2006-06-07 09:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great Parady
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-06-07 09:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know. I'll be claiming to have friends and a social life next.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-07 08:56:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
most amusing.
the basic premise of this post is hilarious because it is so unlikely.
As if Dervel could get a job.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-07 08:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Har!
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2006-06-07 08:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Manly.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-07 08:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That review's not true, though...I totally read it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-07 08:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-06-07 07:10:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read it, but if it was making fun of Jaypig, you get a +2.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-07 08:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-06-07 08:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bahahaha
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-06-07 08:15:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bravo
Submitted by pastacheese (user info) at 2006-06-07 08:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, I looked at Greening's post again. This deserves a +3.
Submitted by pastacheese (user info) at 2006-06-07 07:51:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-07 07:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well done
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-06-07 07:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAhAHAaahhhahaha
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-06-07 07:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't even need to read this to know that it's completely awesome.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-06-07 07:17:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I read it.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-06-07 07:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read it, but if it was making fun of Jaypig, you get a +2.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-06-07 07:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poor jay