In-Flight Weapons (1178 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2006-06-07 16:15:09 EDT
I'm switching coasts for a few days, heading out to upstate New York.
In the rare event of the plane being attacked by terrorists, either home grown ones or foreigners who slipped in from Canada, I have taken an inventory of my available in-flight weapons, and it ain't pretty.
Once upon a time I could carry my Zippo. This was after 9/11, by the way. No more. They used to serve meals on little porcelain trays. Sure all you got was a plastic knife, but break one of those trays in half on the diagonal and you'd have a nice cutting/stabbing tool.
I may or may not get a drink in an actual glass or coffe cup and not plastic. We'll see.
So, I have two pens, both excellent stabbing/puncturing tools, a brand new hardcover novel, fits in the hand nicely and those hard corners do great work on the throat or diaphragm, and a watch chain, handy if you need a garrote.
But that's it, aside from my favorite don't-fuck-with-me-you-swarthy-foreign-bastard American Infidel ballcap. I can't bring the knife or small box cutter I always carry (for work) and I sure as hell can't bring anything more dangerous. So...
Any suggestions from frequent fliers? What else can I make into a weapon?
Oh, and, hi NSA!
User Reviews
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-06-08 10:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeBOOM!
bye-bye Zarqawi
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-06-08 08:52:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get a really hefty belt. One of those ones with a massive Harley American Eagle on them, Ill bet you could stave someones head in with one of those bad boys.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-06-08 07:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take an old credit card in your wallet, cut off one of the corners, to make a beautiful little stab/slash weapon.
Have fun
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-06-08 07:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The CD idea is my favorite so far. Well that is if i didn't have pork chop and biscuit cutter with me.
Actually a thick leather jacket and gloves would work well against box cutters if they go to you. And the old belt with a buckle wrapped around the fist is always a goody.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-06-08 01:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bring a shotgun with you on the plane and try to convince airport security that you're Dick Cheney.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-08 01:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah great, a very lame ripoff of a george carlin routine, congratulations, fuck you
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-06-08 01:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A pencil gun.
They DO exist.
But they only fire one shot.
There are also belts that hold saws in the buckle.
And glasses with knives in the sides.
Oh, or a Dildo Gun.
People are usually too embarassed to ask.
Submitted by subtastic (user info) at 2006-06-08 00:29:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
for some reason they still give you a metal fork. later, CSI will note the four stab wounds in close proximity and mark you as a pro. i've killed many innocent sudoko fanatics on commuter flights with remarkable efficiency using this method.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-06-08 00:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you could take me with you
i don't mind poaching in other people's territory
Submitted by KungFu (user info) at 2006-06-07 20:42:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Buy a teflon/high density plastic boot knife. Won't set off metal detectors (don't let them frisk you though) and can be easily hidden. Cold Steel has them, just to name drop.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-06-07 20:15:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-06-07 18:07:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Badassjulie,
You and I should get together and do things.
Love,
Money
----
Yes, I think we should take over the world with our kubotans and all the homemade weapons we could come up with!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-07 19:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i internet hate you so bad
Submitted by Faith (user info) at 2006-06-07 19:43:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Speak to the cabin crew we get sharp stuff through all the time plus we have cuffs n shit. Only other suggestion I have is if chaos breaks out on the plane sneak into the cockpit you will find an axe in there - fairly sure that'll so some damage!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-07 19:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When you drop your drawers to retrieve the sticks, the terrorists
all die of laughter. . :-D
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-07 19:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take a fucking bus instead.
Or sharpened, poisoned bunji sticks strapped to your thighs.
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-06-07 19:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bring my accounting textbooks. I can bludgeon them to death and bore them to death simultaneously.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-06-07 19:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Take the plastic knife they give you and break off all the little teeth. Then rub it really fast on its side at an angle on any flat surface for some time, and after a while it will get hot. Once it's to the point near melting, give it one fast "slash" with the surface, on both sides if you must. That shit will be razor sharp.
-2 because you could have googled this in 2 seconds.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-06-07 19:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Replace the flash bulb in a disposable camera with a small steel nail with insulated copper wire wrapped around it a few times... Smaller guage, more turns = more powerful weapon. Is designed primarily to kill RFID tags, but i'm sure if you got close enough to the cockpit of the plane you could nail something important.
Oh... You want something for BEFORE it's hijacked?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-06-07 18:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That hat is a fucking joke.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-07 18:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're going to Brooklyn?
To me, upstate is 3 cities and 3 cities only.
1) Rochester
2) Buffalo
3) Syracuse
3b) Binghampton
3c) Rome
3d) Albany
4) Saratoga
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-06-07 18:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:20:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
Where in upstate NY, Jacksonian? That's Shlongy's home turf.
--
Well... there's gonna be a lot of them noisy scootermobiles about.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-06-07 18:32:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On mythbusters they made a crossbow from paper and boxer elastic. So if you have a lot of time (and newspaper) on your hands you could try that.
Alternatively try c1ndy's suggestion
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-06-07 18:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, there are these episodes of Star Trek where you see the Ferengi filing their incisors to a point, and then in one episode Worf tries it out, so you can do that. Someone already mentioned the key ring knuckles--that's the best choice, I think. And remember, you can always piss on them--the piss of American infidels is deadly to terrorists.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-06-07 18:13:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think small animals are allowed to fly with you so you could also bring one of your cats and throw it at the terrorists to surprise and distract them. While they're trying to stop it from clawing out their eyes, you can run up and tackle them or stab them with your other weapons.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-06-07 18:07:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Badassjulie,
You and I should get together and do things.
Love,
Money
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-06-07 18:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I doubt they'll let you take that chain with you.
You can really use anything as a weapon but a lot of airports will let you get away with a kubotan on your keyring because they don't know it's a weapon. They usually assume it's a small metal dildo.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear that snakes make pretty good weapons.
Snakes on a plane. That's a hell of an idea.
Someone should totally make a movie about that.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:50:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Airports always have cd shops in them. Break 1/4 of a cd. Use the intact 3/4 of the cd . You can hold it with your finger in the middle and stab. You will probably cut yourself though.
Trust me...I have thought of this.
NSA I know you been looking at my numbers.
1-900-244-2625
Is not 1-900-BIG-COCK
it's 1-900-CIG-BOCK a uhhhhh cigarette hotline...yeah that's it.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:49:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Perfume/cologne/hair spray works well when sprayed in the eyes.
Other than that, I've got nothing.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:31:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a histronic dame there, huh lady!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:21:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PS. Those cocksuckers at the gate have now confiscated TWO Zippos from Shlongy...The second one was on a CHARTER. I couldn't believe it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:20:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Where in upstate NY, Jacksonian? That's Shlongy's home turf.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Swiss Army Pocket Watch +2. D'ju know the glass is actually metal-infused to carry an electrical current? That's so it's less vulnerable to magnetic fields. True fact.
Scrap the watch chain for a real one made of stainless steel. Makes a better garrote, also allows you to swing the watch (which is actually almost heavy) as a flail.
A sheet of regular office paper, printed or not, can be rolled into a steep cone. Roll the wide end up so it fits in your fist under your thumb and the pointy end protrudes below the palm. Stabbing weapon.
Position your keys on a ring such that they protrude between your fingers. Stabbing/slashing weapon.
Shoelace garrote.
Belt flail.
Women or ghey menz: high heels break metatarsals easily.
Even fingernails may be filed to razor sharpness (won't last more than one strike, though - make it count).
Best for last: just do your Chuck Norris impression.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
skeered of moneyshot now
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:11:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:04:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
moneyshotforyou... that's a good one.
================================================================
I travel a lot. I try to stay prepared.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
make sure you get a blanket
You can toss it over someone's head and beat hell out of them
other than that
oh I dunno how about your sharp wit
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:04:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
moneyshotforyou... that's a good one.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:48:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
How's about your fists, you wuss?
Unless you're handless, then you're a crippled wuss. And at that point I'm wondering how you can be so prolific as a writer, without hands.
But seriously, fists, teeth (dentures will suffice for you), feet, these should be all you need.
--
I could probably give a pretty damn good kick, but let's be serious, Hero Guy. Fast moving situiation, you don't know what you are up against, you need something to give an advantage... since you know the attacker will be the one fucker on the plane with a knife or box cutter that got by security while the boys in uniform were busy confiscating nail clippers.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-06-07 17:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy FUCK that link is fantastic, Method.
Incidentally, that's pretty much how Caulaincourt imagines me to be...
Submitted by Candyapple (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:59:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
They wouldn't even let me take a box of matches!
I got stopped last time I went to Chicago because I had a wrench in my backpack. I didn't even know it was in there! It was at the bottom of a compartment I never use. They tore through all my stuff, and finally told me it was of regulation size. I have no idea why it is ok to take a wrench, but hey--if you feel like pulling the plane apart mid-air--go for it!
I think mine was about four inches long--and I think it would knock somebody out if hit with it hard enough.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:51:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com/video_disp.asp?videoid=1183
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't underestimate the ball-point pen or #2 pencil.
The first half a dozen times or so that I flew after 9/11, I made sure to have at least one on me. I'm confident I could remove some eyeballs or jab a jugular with one if I needed to.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How's about your fists, you wuss?
Unless you're handless, then you're a crippled wuss. And at that point I'm wondering how you can be so prolific as a writer, without hands.
But seriously, fists, teeth (dentures will suffice for you), feet, these should be all you need.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You could always hide ninja stars in your foreskin.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I killed a man with my gas, once.
Order the vegetarian meal.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They make small plastic knives that come in pens or combs... those would pass through the metal detector fine, but I wouldn't try putting one in anything you have to pass through a scanner. If you have a laptop, you could also carry a mess of serial/usb/firewire cables. They work great as garottes/tripwire.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Try a thick soft-cover. Like a Tom Clancy novel or something. If you've ever been clubbed with the corner of one of those things, you are probably still comatose and in the hospital.
I was lucky, I had a wehrmacht helmet on my grandpa picked up in WWII.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bring a cd player, and put a cd that has been broken and sharped inside. when the terrorists come, take out the cd and start slicin'. also, by making multiple sharpened cd's, you can create a sort of ninja-star throwing weapon.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the binding of the book will work well if applied quickly to the base of the nose.
and a Cane, carry a cane with you and in an emergency rub the end against something with a grain to it, shaping the tip into a spearhead
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:29:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:21:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
If you have a carry on with the handle that extends so you can roll it behind you, you need to remove the handle. Take it all the way out. Once you have done that you can sharpen the ends to points and then put it back together. You will need to get it out of the overhead storage once you hit cruising altitude so that you don't have to go rummaging for it when terrorist pop up. You have it right there so you can pull it out and start stabbing away. Remember to try to stab in the lower have of the body. Though people die much faster from heart and lung wounds, it is easier to push in and pull out of the abdomen. You don't want to risk bending or damaging your weapon because I am sure there will be more than one and you will have to be quick about killing them all.
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good info there
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:33:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a gun would be a good weapon, or a knife.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:21:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
If you have a carry on with the handle that extends so you can roll it behind you, you need to remove the handle. Take it all the way out. Once you have done that you can sharpen the ends to points and then put it back together. You will need to get it out of the overhead storage once you hit cruising altitude so that you don't have to go rummaging for it when terrorist pop up. You have it right there so you can pull it out and start stabbing away. Remember to try to stab in the lower have of the body. Though people die much faster from heart and lung wounds, it is easier to push in and pull out of the abdomen. You don't want to risk bending or damaging your weapon because I am sure there will be more than one and you will have to be quick about killing them all.
-----
good info there
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-06-07 16:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you have a carry on with the handle that extends so you can roll it behind you, you need to remove the handle. Take it all the way out. Once you have done that you can sharpen the ends to points and then put it back together. You will need to get it out of the overhead storage once you hit cruising altitude so that you don't have to go rummaging for it when terrorist pop up. You have it right there so you can pull it out and start stabbing away. Remember to try to stab in the lower have of the body. Though people die much faster from heart and lung wounds, it is easier to push in and pull out of the abdomen. You don't want to risk bending or damaging your weapon because I am sure there will be more than one and you will have to be quick about killing them all.
Good luck
Remember when the shit hits the fan, duck.