Movie Night and an Annoying Skank (839 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -0.91 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dustin <exempt272.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-06-12 10:13:05 EDT
So me and my friends are watching Donnie Darko, when I find out we are going to have company.
"She's kind of a skank, if you want, I'm sure you can get a little NCMO(Non Committal Make Out)," my friend John says. "Hell you might even get more than that."
Just what I want, a few minutes of action in exchange for a bad case of herpes, I'll pass on this bitch(Unless She's Really Hot). So I leave the room, and when I come back, two girls are sitting on the smallest sofa.
After I sit down my friend introduces me to them. I look over to say hi, and I see one of the prettiest girls I've seen in a long time, (were talking model hot). She's 5'6 perfect body, Asian, probably an exchange student. Then there was another girl. She looked like she had fallen into a pit of grease. She had acne. Two of the zits were freshly popped and had blood smears. Makeup was caked on her face like icing. I had to assume she was the girl my friend told me about because fortune rarely seems to play out in favor of me receiving a hot piece of Asian ass. That and my friend did not ever introduce me to girls worth giving a second thought to. Then my friend say's "Dustin is available." Immediately the ugly chick slithers over to my couch and parks herself right next to me. She puts her chest out and says in a perfect ditz voice, "I'm Caprice! He he."
We start the movie over and she scoots a little closer to me. She glanced at me, scoot scoot. "You're a QT!" she said licking her lips. I'll I could think was herpes. She tried to grab my hand. This was my cue to go make popcorn. "Who wants popcorn?" I did not wait for a reply; I got up and went to the kitchen.
As I began making popcorn, I can hear her making annoying comments about the movie. "Why did he wake up in the middle of the street? Is he crazy or something?"
"Watch the fucking movie and find out for yourself!" I wanted to say this to her. Why do people ask stupid questions, if the writers of the movie wanted you to know the answers during the first five minutes of the film they would have written it differently.
I was walking back out with a bowl full of popcorn when I overheard the following, she asked my roommate, "Do you have a tattoo?"
He said "No, why do you?" Obviously humoring her.
She said, "I can't tell you that."
"Why," says roommate.
"It's in a naughty spot. But maybe I'll show you tomorrow."
O God why don't you just stick your hand down his pants and start jerking him?
Just ten second ago she was clinging on me; I get up to go make popcorn for 1 minute and already she's looking to screw the rest of my roommates! I can now call her a slut without feeling bad. This girl was not being promiscuous, she was being easy.
Finally my roommate comes out of the room with some bad news. "I can't watch a movie with someone talking all the time. That girl is such a fucking slut!" He tells me, confirming my previous thoughts. Then he proceeded to tell me what I had just overheard.
I agreed with him completely, she was slut. Problem was she was an ugly slut. Otherwise this story might have been written differently. Like if the two girls switched bodies. So I'm shallow, so fucking what?
So I walk back in with the popcorn, and sit on the opposite end of the couch as The Skank. I was their 10 seconds when she motions for me to come sit by her. There is no fucking way I am going to sit by Little Ms. Easy, and I don't want to give her the wrong impression so I say, "I'm good," suddenly the room comes to life.
"Burn!!" I hear my friends shouting at her, and I can tell she's upset.
Now she starts to get annoying. I guess she can't accept that every guy doesn't want to screw a rancid pussy. Every time I make a sound whether it's laughing or talking she go's "SHH! Quiet!" all the while she keeps making her dumb-ass remarks which is ruining the movie for me. "Why's there a giant bunny?"
Finally I decide to have some fun, this is my house, I can laugh, I can talk, and I can do whatever I want. I can fart, I can swear, I can change the channel, she's not going to shoosh me anymore. It was like a game to me. I waited for the right moment. It was like hunting, waiting for her to walk into the crosshairs. Finally she did. She laughed at a very unfunny and particularly serious part of the film. People were not amused and it was written all over their faces. "That wasn't funny," she said a second later.
Without even missing a beat I reply, "Then why in the hell'd you laugh?"
She just glared at me, and I smiled back. She's glaring in a pissed off kind of way, I'm smiling in a "this is some funny shit," kind of way.
Then she started throwing popcorn at me. Randomly hitting me with colonels here and there. People were starting to glare at her, and she was being overall incredibly obnoxious. Who was this girl? She hit me with another popcorn colonel and I had it. I got up and dumped my entire bowl of popcorn on her head, and said "look guys I made a popcorn ball! Zit flavored!" She got up and stormed out of the house alone. The Asian chick finished out the movie, and afterwards told me I was an ass but her "Friend" deserved it. Turns out they aren't that good of friends after all. I asked her what she was doing later in the week. She said nothing, and said we should hang out. Overall a pretty eventful night.
User Reviews
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2006-06-17 19:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Then she started throwing popcorn at me. Randomly hitting me with colonels here and there.
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She was throwing Military officers at you? Thats a strong bitch.
Submitted by Paul_Monroe (user info) at 2006-06-15 06:08:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-06-13 14:30:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
"Then why the hell'd you laugh?"
I mean wow.
That was the funniest burn in mammalian history. In fact it's so amazingly universally funny that you could tell it to a blind, deaf, mute species from a one-dimensional universe that has NO concept of Donnie Darko, and even THEY would get it.
You may as well kill yourself now kid; it ain't getting any better.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-06-13 14:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Then why the hell'd you laugh?"
I mean wow.
That was the funniest burn in mammalian history. In fact it's so amazingly universally funny that you could tell it to a blind, deaf, mute species from a one-dimensional universe that has NO concept of Donnie Darko, and even THEY would get it.
You may as well kill yourself now kid; it ain't getting any better.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See, now this had potential - Donnie Darko is a GREAT movie, and if you could have intertwined the movie with what you experienced, you'd be having +2s coming out the ass.
Try re-writing this piece with that in mind - write it, then wait a day befor submitting it, and then check it again to see if you can make it better.
How is that for constructive criticism?
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-13 11:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-12 10:20:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
Next time you have a desire to post some lame story about some lame high school group movie night, FIGHT IT.
And avoid shit like this:
-NCMO(Non Committal Make Out),"
-You're a QT
And post some pics pf that asian...
************************************************************
hahahahahaha
btw, donnie darko is fucking great
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:49:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
So did you fuck the bitch yet?
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-06-12 11:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"I'll I could think was herpes. "
....'all' you could think of was herpes...?
...and colonels/kernals?
and the story wasnt even funny
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-06-12 10:39:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-12 10:16:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahahaha. i'm totally not laughing at the story i'm laughing at the fact you spelled popcorn kernels like colonels.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-12 10:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I was getting ready to stop after: "So, ...." then I decided to give it a shot. Not only was this not funny, but SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU COCKSUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-06-12 10:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-12 10:16:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahahaha. i'm totally not laughing at the story i'm laughing at the fact you spelled popcorn kernels like colonels.
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hee hee hee hee hee
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-12 10:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Next time you have a desire to post some lame story about some lame high school group movie night, FIGHT IT.
And avoid shit like this:
-NCMO(Non Committal Make Out),"
-You're a QT
And post some pics pf that asian...
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-12 10:16:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahahaha. i'm totally not laughing at the story i'm laughing at the fact you spelled popcorn kernels like colonels. that is just one of the most awesome spelling mistakes i've ever seen and it made me snort coffee.
sidenote: models are kinda icky. no shape and usually take a load of make up to make their faces worth lookin at. great clothesracks though.