Let Go and Breathe In (1126 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.48 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Pentameter (View user info) at 2006-06-12 21:46:42 EDT
Snow was gently falling as I drove down the highway. It was the beginning of December, so it wasn't quite cold enough to stick to the ground. I usually hate snow, but on that day, it seemed perfect for the moment. It was delicate, pure and new, and for the first time in a long time, I had felt that way.
I was lost. Lost in my thoughts. Lost in my emotions. At that time, there was so much going on in my life. Old wounds were trying to heal, but I kept picking at the scabs. I remember wondering whether or not I was doing the right thing. It wasn't the first time, but it felt different. Maybe it felt different because of the past or what I thought could happen in the future.
Maybe I had never felt that way at all and just realized it at that very point in time.
My scarf was wrapped around my neck, and I had pulled it up over my mouth. When I got into the car, I didn't bother to pull it down, but instead enjoyed the warm feeling of my breath. I began noticing things that I never had before, like how beautiful the snow looked against the white sky and that even though it was freezing cold, there were still signs of life that were surviving in the harsh weather.
I also realized how truly sad my life had been.
It wasn't baggage, it was a mixture of hardship and pain tinged with disappointment. I believe those feelings had been deep within me since the day I was born. In my life, there were times when I felt as though every ounce of my essence and energy had been tapped dry. I didn't want to breathe because it was easier to hold it all inside.
This was my chance at redemption. By jumping in with my eyes closed, I could finally give my wings a chance to carry me to new heights that I could never approach while standing on my feet.
But first, I had to take a deep breath.
Chaos was the only constant in my life, and I thrived on it. When life began to settle down and get quiet, I would panic, creating my own tragedies to fill in the gaps between the expected outbursts. They would come - they always came. In the scope of what I had created, the chaos seemed more manageable and less harmful.
That was how I survived, but I didn't see it until I watched the snow float gently to the ground and melt on the pavement. The doors had not only opened, but they come loose from the hinges and crashed to the floor.
Finally, it was all right. I could put away my mourning clothes and revel in the life that I should have been embracing from the very beginning. Until that point, I had not the tools to make that leap into the darkness.
I pulled the scarf from in front of my mouth and cracked the window. Why should I have wasted another second? For far too long, I had been a prisoner trapped inside my mind. I was finally free, and I was going to enjoy life, even if it was a cold wintry day.
The woman on the radio sang of letting go and getting in, and I felt her. Her words touched my heart, but most importantly they had touched my mind. It was amazing and beautiful.
That twenty minute commute never seemed as though it would ever bring me anywhere but home, back to those four walls that sometimes I wished I would never see again. But the empty stretch of road, the tinkling snow and the soothing words of a song could not even come close to my greatest inspiration on that winter day.
You.
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 21:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-13 18:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You make me laugh
Cause your eyes they light the night
They look right through me
You bashful boy
You're hiding something sweet
Please give it to me yeah, to me
Talk to me some more
You don't have to go
You're the Poetry Man
You make things all rhyme
You are a genie
All I ask for is your smile
Each time I rub the lamp
When I am with you
I have a giggling teen-age crush
Then I'm a sultry vamp
Talk to me some more
You don't have to go
You're the Poetry Man
You make things all right
So once again
It's time to say so long
And so recall the cull of life
You're going home now
Home's that place somewhere you go each day
To see your wife
Talk to me some more
You don't have to go
You're the Poetry Man
You make things all rhyme
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-06-13 14:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-06-12 22:47:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
I've only had a handful of poems published in dinky newsprint booklets...nothing major.
I really didn't start writing prose until I joined Uber. I was always a story teller but I could never put it into words.
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My college prof used to run a literary magazine down in the cities. He would love this. The problem is that there aren't many magazines that publish personal essays any more, and the well-known ones that do (Reader's Digest) don't pay terribly well or offer a lot of variety. My impression's been that you have to convince an author and compile a book of them, but then I've never published any personal essays outside of the college lit magazine, so I'm probably not one to speak.
Submitted by supersloth (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:34:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish you posted more often.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-06-13 11:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:01:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't care, K. I write for myself and no one else.
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That's how it ought to be and I say that to myself sometimes.
Unfortunately, if it was entirely true you wouldn't bother posting your writing on a public forum for people to read.
That being said, don't stop doing so. I enjoy your writing.
Submitted by Spacegrass (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for a Clutch fan. I'm a whore.
Also this cracked me up:
You're still an awesome writer regardless of the text.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't care, K. I write for myself and no one else.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-06-13 08:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think people just freak out when you post something deep and artistic like. It isn't the norm and you're not writing about your coworker getting beaten up by her boyfriend or you beating up a crazy driving gay man.
Fuck those haters.
This is great. Godforbid you write from the heart for a second. You're still an awesome writer regardless of the text.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-06-13 08:40:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your posts are normally far better than this.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-06-13 08:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we can all related to those feelings. This really touched home. But you know.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-06-13 08:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2006-06-13 08:12:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
I hardly ever log onto this site anymore. And when I do, I rarely have the privilege of reading something I deem worthy of my time.
Thanks.
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*sigh*
How are you Mr. M?
I loved this. Very nice.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2006-06-13 08:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hardly ever log onto this site anymore. And when I do, I rarely have the privilege of reading something I deem worthy of my time.
Thanks.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-06-13 08:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me want to put my chaps on.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-13 07:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't buy a middle name for yourself, well, not without the nice people from Deedpoll who helped me get rid of 'Meatball'
Redskies Meatball Lookfake.
Terrible really.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 07:38:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would rather my middle name be Ozymandias. Look upon my mighty works and despair!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-13 07:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty - you can keep the change from my tenner.
Your middle name is
Kr!!kR!!kRCcc!kCk!!kC!RK!kr!!R!!!!!k!R!
Which is the same as Phuzzy's surprisingly
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 07:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well of course. The Chinese grind them up and use them as an aphrodisiac.
Do you know how many Chinese people there are? Pissing all of them off with shoddy service is just impossible.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-13 07:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 07:06:51 (#)
Ranking: 1
You know as well as I do that it is highly illegal to send coins in the post. I am afraid I do not have a cheque book so will have to arrange payment via postal order. Perhaps £1.50 worth of stamps would be sufficent?
I would be the worst Ebay seller ever.
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Selling Caulaincourt's used musky condoms over Ebay has been a solid business for you though
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 07:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You know as well as I do that it is highly illegal to send coins in the post. I am afraid I do not have a cheque book so will have to arrange payment via postal order. Perhaps £1.50 worth of stamps would be sufficent?
I would be the worst Ebay seller ever.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-06-13 07:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jolly good, in that case your middle name is now "Chuff-Waffle".
Please send me my £1.50 change to:
Dervel,
Top Field,
Nr: The Boggy Patch,
Devon.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 06:57:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My middle name can be anything you want it to be for £8.50.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-06-13 06:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty, I was led to believe that your middle name was "oops, I've only got tenner".
More to the point, Pentameter, snow is great and don't you forget it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-13 06:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 06:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well you know me; pomposity is my middle name. I didn't realise I had mentioned anything about change, or rather the lack of. Perhaps I simply misunderstood? It just stuck me as a piece lamenting the woes of a persons past. You just never struck me as a person with many woes to lament. Indeed nobody on this website does. I mean people who do have woes tend to be really quiet, broken up people. You know?
I'm rambling.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-06-13 06:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 04:45:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
You never struck me as person with an unhappy life, although you certainly do come across as an angry little person.
Maybe if you where triple your weight, had no prospects and lived in isolation then I would believe you but as it stands, knowing full well just how many good things you've got in your life, this all just rings so hollow that it sounds vulgar.
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I think it's extremely pompous of you to assume that you can even begin to know me through the things I've written on Uber.
You're right though. People can never change their attitude, people can never come to grips with the things that have happened to them and people can never change.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 05:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think this post may have passed over my head.
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-06-13 05:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 paxil red wine leather bound books black turtlenecks starbucks emo barnes&noble harry potter taking back sunday i'm pretty but worthless somebody love mei teach english DIE
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-06-13 05:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Perfect.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 04:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You never struck me as person with an unhappy life, although you certainly do come across as an angry little person.
Maybe if you where triple your weight, had no prospects and lived in isolation then I would believe you but as it stands, knowing full well just how many good things you've got in your life, this all just rings so hollow that it sounds vulgar.
Submitted by laika (user info) at 2006-06-13 03:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i think youre trying to say too many things, and
some of what is being said gets lost or diminished.
also, the ending is somewhat schmaltzy.
worth reading though.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-06-12 23:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're the Woody Allen of Uber.
Always interesting, but I prefer your earlier, funny posts.
Like three days ago.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-06-12 22:47:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've only had a handful of poems published in dinky newsprint booklets...nothing major.
I really didn't start writing prose until I joined Uber. I was always a story teller but I could never put it into words.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-06-12 22:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad you have added something new. I liked this.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-06-12 22:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You've had some stuff published, right?
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-12 22:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-06-12 22:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-06-12 21:51:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes