Toothless Ben (578 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.33 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spacegrass (View user info) at 2006-06-13 09:04:51 EDT
I see him looking at me from across the bar, another brainless football player thinking too highly of himself.
Oh shit! He catches me looking. He mistakes my bemused look for an invitation to come over.
"Hi, I'm Ben."
"Hi." I flash him a smile and rest my head on my left hand. I hope he will notice the wedding ring I am wearing, and not take this as some form of encouragement.
"What's your name?" Damn!
"Stephanie." Where the hell IS Kate anyway? This was her brilliant idea to come out tonight. He leans in closer.
"Hi Steph, I'm Ben. I play football." Oh my god, he did NOT just "Steph" me! I distinctly recall introducing myself as "Stephanie." Maybe it was too many syllables for him.
He smiles wider. I did not even think that was possible. Wait a minute. Is that something in his teeth? I did not notice that at first. Wait. Wait just a minute. It's not something in his tooth, it IS his tooth. It's, it's falling off!
I laugh silently to myself.
"Hahahahaha!" Oops, apparently I laugh audibly, in fact rather loudly. Ben's smile falters a little bit. I laugh harder.
"What?" He tries to pretend he is not bothered. He keeps that stupid smile affixed to his face. By now, his tooth has almost entirely fallen out. It is practically stuck to his bottom lip. How can he not notice this?
"You...you're tooth," I manage to gasp between guffaws.
His face drops and his mouth clicks shut. He must have clenched that jaw with some force, because his tooth shoots out of his mouth across the bar.
"Um, anyways Steph, nice to meet you. I'll, uh, I'll talk to you later." He slinks off with my laughter chasing him across the bar.
User Reviews
Submitted by Spacegrass (user info) at 2006-06-13 16:35:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Because as the immortal Mike Mamula, Brian Griese, and Akili Smith have taught us, a high wonderlic score automatically translate into lasting success in the NFL. If I recall correctly, the cutoff for success as an NFL quarterback is somewhere in the teens. Below that and you will not be able to grasp the complexity of an NFL playbook. That being said, we're still not talking about Stephen Hawking here. Roethlisberger wanted to make a point that helmets were unnecessary for a safe motorcycle driver. His point has been made. He's just lucky it didn't cost him tens of millions of dollars. That would be an expensive lesson...
Submitted by BigD (user info) at 2006-06-13 16:14:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Bob but vince young and Marino are just the exceptions to the rule. A lot of football players are very smart. Ben Roethlisberger actually scored a 25 on that test. Do some research.
Heres some averages.
Offensive tackles: 26
Centers: 25
Quarterbacks: 24
Guards: 23
Tight Ends: 22
Safeties: 19
Middle linebackers: 19
Cornerbacks: 18
Wide receivers: 17
Fullbacks: 17
Halfbacks: 16
The average scores in other professions are:
Chemist: 31
Programmer: 29
Newswriter: 26
Sales: 24
Bank teller: 22
Clerical Worker: 21
Security Guard: 17
If you want specifics:
Pat McInally, punter — 50
Mike Mamula, defensive end — 49
Kevin Curtis, wide receiver — 48
Manny Lawson, defensive end/linebacker — 43
Dusty Dvoracek, defensive tackle — 41
Bruce Eugene, quarterback — 41
Ben Watson, tight end — 41
Alex Smith, quarterback — 40
Brian Griese, quarterback — 39
Eli Manning, quarterback — 39
Ryan Fitzpatrick, quarterback — 38
David Baas, guard/center — 37
Marques Hagans, quarterback/wide receiver — 37
Babatunde Oshinowo, defensive tackle — 37
Akili Smith, quarterback — 37
Jeremy Trueblood, offensive tackle — 37
Travis Tulay, quarterback — 37
Keith Ellison, linebacker — 36
Kellen Clemens, quarterback — 35
Matt Leinart, quarterback — 35
Aaron Rodgers, quarterback — 35
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Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:17:27 (#)
Ranking: 1
Vince Young did fairly well for himself as a QB and he only got a 9 on the Wonderlic test. Marino got a 12.
The average for a chemist is 33.
Not looking good for QBs.
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Submitted by Spacegrass (user info) at 2006-06-13 14:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Molari (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:25:21 (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyone who starts off with "Hi Steph, I'm Ben. I play football." is definitely a brainless footballer.
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Actually, I can't take credit for that one. I went to a school with a D I hockey program, and one of the hockey players hit on one of my friends with the immortal line, "Hi. I'm Jim. I play hockey." He was shocked when that didn't work.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh...I get it...
Submitted by Molari (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyone who starts off with "Hi Steph, I'm Ben. I play football." is definitely a brainless footballer.
Submitted by eleanor_rigby (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:18:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BigD (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:54:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it's a bit narrow minded of you to say "another brainless football player" If you knew the amount of intellect required to play Quarterback at a professional level it might change your tune. I'm not sure you fully appreciate how hard that is to do.
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Vince Young did fairly well for himself as a QB and he only got a 9 on the Wonderlic test. Marino got a 12.
The average for a chemist is 33.
Not looking good for QBs.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 11:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hehe.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-13 11:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still enjoying this.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 11:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, he's a bit of an idiot, that one.
Submitted by Spacegrass (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BigD (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:54:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it's a bit narrow minded of you to say "another brainless football player" If you knew the amount of intellect required to play Quarterback at a professional level it might change your tune. I'm not sure you fully appreciate how hard that is to do.
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Heh. Walk and chew gum at the same time? Honestly, I understand that you have to able to read the defenses and adjust your play within a span of a few seconds. I also understand that hands down, the smartest guys in football are on the offensive line. Finally, you have to question the intelligence of a man staring a $60+ million contract in the face and opting to do something like ride a motorcycle with no helmet. From all accounts, he was riding very safely and responsibly, and was in no way at fault for the accident. Now he has a broken face, sore knees, a concussion (probably) and no teeth. Let's just assume his backup plan wasn't a cure for cancer if the whole football thing didn't work out...
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Well, the picture was somewhat funny.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Private Pial!
Submitted by BigD (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it's a bit narrow minded of you to say "another brainless football player" If you knew the amount of intellect required to play Quarterback at a professional level it might change your tune. I'm not sure you fully appreciate how hard that is to do.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:52:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ayuh.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:42:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bleugh?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I should kick your ass for this, but +2.
He is such a fucking idiot.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:20:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and i'm proud for you.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is awesome, reminds me; for some unknown reason, of the old musical "Damn Yankees" where they have a character named shoeless joe from Hannibal, MO.
Submitted by Spacegrass (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:05:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Honestly, I'm just really proud of that picture.