Do I look like a terrorist? or Muhammed doesn't trust me (1137 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.82 on 72 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mario (View user info) at 2006-06-13 09:53:06 EDT
Seriously, do I?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84422 <---photo
I was in a good mood on my way to work. I got up on the right side of the bed this morning. I speed on my way to work as I'm slightly (ever so slightly) late. I slow down as I go through the front gate and my ID gets checked. Same as every other morning, nothing unusual there.
"Sir, would you please drive off to the side for a security inspection." It was stated, not asked.
"Sir, would you please drive off a cliff."
"What is this, this is the second time I've gotten pulled over like this this week. It's Tuesday."
The guard responds "Haha...I don't know sir."
So I drive my car over to the security check. I know the routine now...open the trunk and hood, open all doors, license, registration, proof of insurance, fuming discontent.
To make things better, it's the same everlastingcockgobblers as last time, they've already checked out my car. "Hey bud, you checked me last time. I'm still not smuggling Nicaraguans."
They don't respond. Perhaps they think I'm off to destroy the water tower, I don't know what's running through their minds. Heads up, apparently terrorists now drive bright red sports cars. It makes us (I mean them) so inconfuckingspicuous.
They go around with the mirror on the end of the pole (oh, what fun that would have been in Middle School). Hmm...no explosives. I could have had my .45 in the glove compartment, but they didn't bother to check that. Just waste my time.
I look at these dolts and get their names. "Muhammed". You have got to be fucking kidding me. Chalk one up for you God, you got me. Hilarious.
"Have a good day sir", he says with a knowing "I just inconvenienced you" look.
Fuck you Muhammed.
So if I were driving by your gate, would you let me in? Do I look like a "freedom fighter"?
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-06-17 06:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:47:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, and this is just between us, but in my experience the people who work in private security are really weird social misfits. I mean proper odd, like wossname Travis out of Taxi Driver."
i can vouch for this. i worked a security guard stint for a bit, and i'm the biggest social misfit this side of ETS.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-14 10:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-06-13 20:03:57 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm 5'6.
Does this mean I can tell people I'm a shade shy of 5'10?
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Yes.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-14 06:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't be jeslous, come here and let's have a cuddle.
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-06-13 22:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, you dont look like a terrorist.
But you DO look like a fag.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-06-13 20:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
!!!!!
I could have SWORN you were taller than that.
Don't worry, though.. you still have time to grow.
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Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-06-13 20:03:57 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm 5'6.
Does this mean I can tell people I'm a shade shy of 5'10?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-13 20:28:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 20:21:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
5'9, I'll say that one last time. Don't rob me of my 3 inches of glory. Come on, I set someone up for a joke there.
__________
The joke is in your hand.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 20:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
5'9, I'll say that one last time. Don't rob me of my 3 inches of glory. Come on, I set someone up for a joke there.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-06-13 20:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:24:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:02:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a shade shy of 5'10 berty.
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Read: 5'6
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I'm 5'6.
Does this mean I can tell people I'm a shade shy of 5'10?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-13 18:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:35:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
wow dude i'm like as tall as you. wanna borrow some heels? i'll give you the open toe ones so they fit.
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Katy,
if you're giving away clothes and stuff, I'll take some, for uh, y'know, research....
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 17:31:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am short, Julie baby, which is why I date very tall women. My kids are going to kick ass.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-06-13 16:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-06-13 16:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes, thank you
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Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:49:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
You lookin' at me? Huh? Lookin' at me?!?
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-06-13 16:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How long have you been working there? Shouldn't they know you by now? Or is it just that they DO know you and that's why they're so suspicious? Tell them to fuck off or you'll have their asses shipped off to Iraq.
Oh and you're short.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 16:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You cook meals? You don't purposefully leave stuff around? I love that, I can't even talk to you anymore.
c1ndy- next time, just for you pumpkin.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-06-13 15:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
too much clicking- couldn't you have put your picture on this post?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 15:15:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually i get very sad when i leave anything at someone else's house because i don't bring things with me unless i like them a lot. whenever i lose an earring, like last thursday, i cry for an hour and mourn the loss of never being able to fucking replace the things because everything i get seems to be like a one set only deal.
i leave dvds if asked to borrow them, twice i left some spices that i cooked a homemade meal and crap with. yes i leave things behind so rarely that i can count the instances.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 15:05:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Usually it's a matter of convenience, not so much stealing. Do you ever purposefully leave things like earrings by the sink or a comb? What's up with that?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 15:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i steal hoodies. and only by accident. i'm not so into the must-take-all-teh-boy-clothing-i-can-snatch-while-he's-not-looking thing.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 14:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You seem like the shorts stealing type. Are ya?
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 14:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
weeps
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no... your pecs are bigger than my tits. now i'm sad.
:(
:*(
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:49:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A tall woman...tasty. I'll take those shoes and you can have my bra. But will we fit?
O-tron...too funny man.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow dude i'm like as tall as you. wanna borrow some heels? i'll give you the open toe ones so they fit.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The shirt, the hair color, the size, the angle, the look...it all said "Hulk Smash! After drinking some quality shiraz."
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha...no way man, I weigh 215, I'd be a fucking monster if I was that short and weighed that much. 5'9.5 to be exact.
Hulk and Queer Eye huh? Was it the brown t-shirt?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:24:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:02:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a shade shy of 5'10 berty.
---
Read: 5'6
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:30:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe they're just fucking with you because you're an asshole.
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Not to say that you're always an asshole, but if you give them shit, they can and will give it back.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a shade shy of 5'10 berty.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:15:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:13:30 (#)
Ranking: -1
... You're a soldier and yet you question the procedure? You know that it's a better thing to inconvenience your absurdly pumped up arse 7 days a week rather for them to not bother when something random and bomb related is going on with your car.
What's all this bullshit about the name Muhammed as well? That whole "A turban isn't part of the military uniform" thing is so 1970's.
Also the post seemed rather lacking. Like you where venting rather than creating.
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Berty was once overheard by his collegues and friends, at work in a telesales centre, shouting at the top of his voice "I AM TALIBAN! I AM TALIBAN!"
True story.
I find comfort in the fact that despite the obviousness of your ability to kick seven shades of shit out of me with a stare, you need to shop in fat-man stores to get clothes that fit around your shoulders.
+1 for being disadvantaged by your own ego.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 11:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and that's why i'm in love with O.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-13 11:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You look like the Incredible Hulk after a Queer Eye makeover, not a terrorist.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-06-13 11:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you have a nice car?
they probably have a quota of men and women they have to check every day, and they would probably rather be looking at a nice car.
Rent a cops has got to be the best scam to get into.
Hire a bunch of high school drop outs with just enough integrity, or motivation not to walk off with anything not bolted down, , and if shit does ever hit the fan collect the insurance that will be flowing.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 11:21:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mario, how tall are you? I've asked you this qquestion before but I always forget.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-06-13 11:17:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
terrorist, no. faggot, yes.
just kidding!
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Beano, my mum's English, has the posh BBC accent and everything. Do not enquire further, it'll do nothing but propogate the confusion.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:44:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:40:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Come and live in the UK. I've been pulled over once driving since I was 17. The filth in this country just cannot be arsed nowadays.
It's seriuously depressing. I think that may actually be out shooting real criminals.
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Judging by the news I'd say that you are mistaken. They tend to keep shooting innocent people.
Seriously though who in their right mind would trust any of those gorillas from the Met with a gun? I wouldn't even trust them with a pair of scissors.
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I'm guessing US cops shoot just as many innocent people it just gets swallowed up with all the bla...erm.... Guilty people that they shoot.
Is that fair?
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's near Lafayette. As far as the PX goes, I haven't been in it so I couldn't tell ya. Most are decent.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:28:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Inion, it wouldn't matter if you were a nun bringing in books to read to paralysed GI's. You look positivly scurrilous.
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why thank ya darlin'.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:52:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:42:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
I did live in the UK, near Camberly. Too young to drive, however.
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Fuck....now I'm confused.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:50:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:23:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm...someone knows her guns. Head over to Fort Campbell.
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does it have a nice px? what town's it near?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:49:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I look at these dolts and get their names. "Muhammed". You have got to be fucking kidding me. Chalk one up for you God, you got me. Hilarious.
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heh
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:49:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You lookin' at me? Huh? Lookin' at me?!?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, and this is just between us, but in my experience the people who work in private security are really weird social misfits. I mean proper odd, like wossname Travis out of Taxi Driver.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:40:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Come and live in the UK. I've been pulled over once driving since I was 17. The filth in this country just cannot be arsed nowadays.
It's seriuously depressing. I think that may actually be out shooting real criminals.
-0000000000---------
Judging by the news I'd say that you are mistaken. They tend to keep shooting innocent people.
Seriously though who in their right mind would trust any of those gorillas from the Met with a gun? I wouldn't even trust them with a pair of scissors.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I did live in the UK, near Camberly. Too young to drive, however.
Submitted by exposed (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can you upload some more bitmap images, I really like them.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Come and live in the UK. I've been pulled over once driving since I was 17. The filth in this country just cannot be arsed nowadays.
It's seriuously depressing. I think that may actually be out shooting real criminals.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jihad bitches!
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:17:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
One of the worst things to come out of 9/11 other than the initial attack was the way it empowered rent-a-cops.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe they're just fucking with you because you're an asshole.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Inion, it wouldn't matter if you were a nun bringing in books to read to paralysed GI's. You look positivly scurrilous.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm...someone knows her guns. Head over to Fort Campbell.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:22:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no, i promote underage drinking, provided they're over 18. i don't smoke anything it all smells like burnt ass.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:17:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
One of the worst things to come out of 9/11 other than the initial attack was the way it empowered rent-a-cops.
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most rent-a-cops don't carry a beretta and a shotgun, or even better an asp and an m16.
sidenote: anyone know any major bases in ky? i'm thinkin of signing up for a cavity search.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:20:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can always count on Berty for an honest review. But they were rent-a-cops, not soldiers, and my hispanic friend and I get singled out more than most. Same guys working the same shift. They recognize me. And believe it or not, I'm usually pretty polite, today was the day it finally got to m e.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Inion doesn't look trustworthy. They're probably expecting more in the way of contraband or nobbled office stationary rather than pipebombs. They probably reckon she's corrupting the fine soldiering youths with her loose morals and peacenik marijuana.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, I get felt up everytime I walk into an airport (heavy gauge body jewelry?) as if that weren't enough, my last international flight took me back to Germany and guess what, every single person called for the "random inspection" had a German surname, no fooling them either, mine is 13 letters long.
Even better getting between the Army bases in Manheim, I got searched by the Germans and the Americans. Maybe it was the purple hair... I'm sure pale as hell.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
One of the worst things to come out of 9/11 other than the initial attack was the way it empowered rent-a-cops.
Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I bet it if were Jack Bauer that made the security check, you would either be dead or have no fingers. Consider yourself lucky.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:15:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You nailed it Berty, I was indeed venting.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:13:30 (#)
Ranking: -1
... You're a soldier and yet you question the procedure? You know that it's a better thing to inconvenience your absurdly pumped up arse 7 days a week rather for them to not bother when something random and bomb related is going on with your car.
What's all this bullshit about the name Muhammed as well? That whole "A turban isn't part of the military uniform" thing is so 1970's.
Also the post seemed rather lacking. Like you where venting rather than creating.
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Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i got pulled over once a day for a week on my way in and out of base. from there on about three times a week for the rest of the month and once a week after that. it got to the point where i'd be like hey dude want me to bring you something next time.
yay RVIs.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I always thought it was stupid that they hired renta cops yet some enlisted jack off is sitting in a store room somewhere counting bic pens or some other lazy fuck is watching three other guys work on a bus. They could always use the experience OR they could actually be made to do something worthwhile.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
... You're a soldier and yet you question the procedure? You know that it's a better thing to inconvenience your absurdly pumped up arse 7 days a week rather for them to not bother when something random and bomb related is going on with your car.
What's all this bullshit about the name Muhammed as well? That whole "A turban isn't part of the military uniform" thing is so 1970's.
Also the post seemed rather lacking. Like you where venting rather than creating.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno man, you do kinda look like a camel jockey...
Are you sure your name isnt Akbar?
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel ya.
They never check my glove compartment, but damned if they don't check the box of CD's EVERY FUCKING TIME. Oh you got me, my RPG launcher was hidden in that box of CD's the whole time. Dumbass civilian security checkpoint fuckwads.
Submitted by BigD (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:06:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Stuff like that is just stupid. What a waste of money to employ guards to search cars randomly.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:06:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
These were rent-a-cops man, that's what makes it worse. Were it Joes, I'd be all for it, train up before you head over to the shitbox.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey squatty, go practice on your guitar some more. And eat something. Everything you said about me applies to you (except the whole roids thing...you've just got the acne).
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:03:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
They only give you the stink eye when you come through the gate because you use words like "inconfuckingspicuous". Why? Your usage of 'spic' in the middle there. You terrorists are mad that the spics have been pointing you out at the border checks and telling the Border Patrol officers, "Hey mang, he not one of us!". (That's stolen from Carlos Mencia)
Also, gate checks aren't that bad. It's even more embarrassing and infuriating when the renta-dicks/cops at some bases are the ones that tell you to pull over for a 'random' check. The fattest fucks are always the ones that got me.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-13 10:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No you don't look cool enough to be a terrorist, you just look like an insecure prick, I've seen guys on roids going off their heads, I can imagine you doing something like that, but nothing that requires prior planning
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-06-13 09:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd trust you with my life....Or maybe the life of someone else.
Good but too short. I know you didn't have much material but still it was entertaining and then over.