Erosion of the soul. (804 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.73 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ampersand (View user info) at 2006-06-13 12:09:35 EDT
When I was a child I loved going to the ocean. We usually went to Sandy Hook in Jersey, near where my grandparents live. I liked going to my grandparents as often as possible in the summer for no other reason then the beach. I don't have any specific memories of it but it sure as hell was fun. Mucking about in the waves with my brother, building sandcastles with my father. Fishing with my grandfather, playing cards with my grandmother. Eating hot dogs and cherries and ice cream. The ocean could do no wrong.
If I'm ever fortunate enough to have children, will they love the ocean too? Doubtful. You see even though I love the ocean, I hardly go there anymore, and when circumstance requires I do, I don't go in the water. I just sit on the beach with my ipod and read a book. I wear my bathing suit as a formality, it doesn't get wet. I haven't actually put my foot in the water in years.
You see I've got this weird cavity in my chest. If I ever knew the name for my condition I can't remember it now but it's not a very big deal. Basically I just look a little funny with my shirt off. From a lot of angles, or in bad light, you might not even notice it.
In fact it took me till some time in middle school to even be aware that I had a condition. When I was younger I simply wasn't self conscious enough to realize that I was any different from anyone else. Eventually friends started noticing it (let me clarify, my chest was always like that and certainly my friends had seen it before in the pool or whatever, it's just they never really *noticed* it) and naturally, mockery followed. Just friends making good natured fun of one another and no particular incident ever bothered me.
My physical abnormality is not limited to my chest though. My head is slightly oddly shaped. Again this another very slight oddness. Unless I had my hair cut a week or two ago, you'll have to try very hard to notice it. But nevertheless, thus was I given the nickname lightbulb-head. Only one kid ever used it (though he used it every time he saw me) so it never bothered me much. Beyond my head and chest I'm also pencil thin and rather long limbed (thus the orangutan comparisons. I always point out that orangutans are rather much fatter then me but logic never prevails).
And apparently my voice is odd too. To this day I don't know why it is, but people usually find it so. To make things worse I have a mild speech impediment as well. It was fairly strong in elementary school though I'm mostly broken of it now. The only words I can't say right are 'world' and 'girl'. Suffice it to say, I get made fun of for my voice.
Oh and I'm ugly. Not shockingly, graphically ugly mind you. My presence wouldn't turn a PG-13 into an R or anything like that. I'm just another regular, every day ugly joe. Not a huge deal, but yeah, they made fun of me for that too. And like in every other case mentioned above, I never got terribly worked up about it. Boys will be boys no?
But if I never got terribly worked up about any of this, why the hell am I writing it? Well, there isn't a bomb in the world that could single-handedly wipe out Everest, but erosion will eventually. It's guaranteed. And there's not a thing in the world you could say to wound me. Not one thing.
But keep on saying the same stupid things over and over. And tell your friends to do it. Over and over. For years and years. That's how I forsook the ocean. That's why I skipped my friends birthday party last year because it was a pool party. That's how I make it all the way to college without ever having had a serious relationship and why I likely never will. That's how I end up wide awake at 3am, looking at the big red numbers tick away on my alarm clock, wondering why you said those things to me. Keep on saying them. That's how I end up lying there wondering if they aren't true. After all, there's a lot of you and only one of me. Who am I to say you are all wrong. Maybe I'm wrong. Ugly, stupid and wrong, just like you told me.
User Reviews
Submitted by LisaD (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-03-11 03:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People like you are the reason I still read things on this website.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 01:29:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-06-19 21:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Royal. I said it 3 times in a row, and you're the reason. +2 for that, and because the real Elvis is Royalty. Now that I can't say. Forget it.
Roy-ul-tee. I feel like Nell: Twees booing in na win, roy-u-ull twees broing in da win.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-06-19 21:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
To this day I can't say the word "royal". ...Rooyall, rowell, ro-e-el. Slowly I can say it. Oh, get in water, we're all gonna die of something.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-14 01:53:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the hell have all these people been that are commenting this late at night?
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-06-14 01:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know it's easier said than done, but you shouldn't let other people's realities affect your own;
they're not the ones who have to live your life, and you shouldn't let them have any power over you.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-06-14 00:33:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That's the thing about responses to a piece of writing Bubba - they're personal. So while you're more than welcome to disagree with what I think, you're also more than welcome to go fuck yourself. I happen to think that a review that explains why you react to something a certain way is far more useful to the poster than a "Plus fucking 2," even if it isn't representative of the majority opinion.
And as for my use of the word pedestrian, I actually think it works rather well - conveying a sense of plodding along in an undistinguished way.
Narf.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-13 19:56:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-06-13 18:35:39 (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok, in the spirit of being useful I'll try to put a bit more effort in my comment than just a "whoah dude"
The last paragraph of this (and to a lesser extent also the first) is fucking awesome. The rest? Not so much. In the middle the short sentences make it choppy, which is fine (and indeed is what makes the last paragraph good) but I don't think it fits with the apathetic tone of this section - caused by all the "and this happened but it wasn't so bad" type stuff. The one-at-a-time introduction of problems feels pretty pedestrian by the time you've got to "Oh and I'm ugly" which almost sounds comical coming at the end of that list. Maybe because of the "Oh." I doubt that was what you were going for.
The last paragraph, however, rocks because it's confrontational, it's direct and reads like you feel it. You mean it. It's a stare-down challenge. That last paragraph is what the whole post should have been, I reckon.
You can thank pentameter for this review.
===========
I think the above review is the biggest pile of drivel I've ever seen.
The word 'pedestrian' in the critique was poorly chosen and misused.
The entire story gave one a sense of what the boy was trying to convey;
his own insecurity and how it made him feel.
Stories are written to pull at the emotions, and this did that very well. . .
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-06-13 19:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and look how THAT loser turned out!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:14:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
You have the same disease Abraham Lincoln had, Maufin's Syndrome.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-06-13 18:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok, in the spirit of being useful I'll try to put a bit more effort in my comment than just a "whoah dude"
The last paragraph of this (and to a lesser extent also the first) is fucking awesome. The rest? Not so much. In the middle the short sentences make it choppy, which is fine (and indeed is what makes the last paragraph good) but I don't think it fits with the apathetic tone of this section - caused by all the "and this happened but it wasn't so bad" type stuff. The one-at-a-time introduction of problems feels pretty pedestrian by the time you've got to "Oh and I'm ugly" which almost sounds comical coming at the end of that list. Maybe because of the "Oh." I doubt that was what you were going for.
The last paragraph, however, rocks because it's confrontational, it's direct and reads like you feel it. You mean it. It's a stare-down challenge. That last paragraph is what the whole post should have been, I reckon.
You can thank pentameter for this review.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-06-13 18:33:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You write very well.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2006-06-13 18:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ugly chicks need lovin too. But they gotta pay!
I understand how you feel. Most people are insecure about something.
I say fuck em all and hit the waves!
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-13 18:22:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus fucking 2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-13 18:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Well that might not be the best word to use but it'll do.
Submitted by nephilim (user info) at 2006-06-13 18:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
okay...
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-06-13 18:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-06-13 16:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked
Submitted by JinxSOJO (user info) at 2006-06-13 15:50:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent. Hit a little too close to home for me.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-06-13 15:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-06-13 15:14:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by street-pirate (user info) at 2006-06-13 15:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fucking great.
Submitted by sl4tt3ry (user info) at 2006-06-13 14:04:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's the subtlety of it all.
Not at all overt or crass.
Casual ponderings in a tempered style.
Excellent.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have the same disease Abraham Lincoln had, Maufin's Syndrome.
Submitted by eleanor_rigby (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-06-13 13:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh you are good.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:33:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everybody's ugly. Only a few can write about it and make it interesting.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dirty Jersey.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:20:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
if a million people say you're something you might very well be so. if you find the people that don't see the bad things in you or at least don't point them out, sort the suck ups and liars from the kind ones and work on only knowing them and seeing yourself through their eyes.
i'm going to sandy hook this summer because i can swim faster than the lifeguards and it's fun to make them chase me back to the shore after they swim out to get me.
i liked this a lot.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:17:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
At first I thought I would hate this, but it grew on me. Nice.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:20:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if a million people say you're something you might very well be so. if you find the people that don't see the bad things in you or at least don't point them out, sort the suck ups and liars from the kind ones and work on only knowing them and seeing yourself through their eyes.
i'm going to sandy hook this summer because i can swim faster than the lifeguards and it's fun to make them chase me back to the shore after they swim out to get me.
i liked this a lot.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At first I thought I would hate this, but it grew on me. Nice.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-06-13 12:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment