Stu and the giant pickle (497 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.15 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spacegrass (View user info) at 2006-06-14 15:41:27 EDT
"Man, have you ever woken up with morning breath so bad you can taste it when you swallow?"
"What? Look, we're tied up somewhere in the middle of a field, and you're complaining about morning breath? We're in a little pickle here!"
"Actually, I'd say we're in a BIG pickle."
Sure enough, we were tied up in the middle of a field, jammed into a giant pickle. I hate it when Stu is right.
"All right, we're tied up in the middle of a field, we're stuck in a pickle, and we don't have any pants on!"
"You don't have any pants on?"
"No, why, do you?"
"I think I'd notice if I didn't, what exactly did you DO last night?"
"If I could remember that, odds are good I wouldn't be tied up in the middle of a field, stuck in a pickle with no pants on!"
"Yeah, you keep mentioning that. You know, whining about it won't make it any better!"
"Well YOU don't have to be so cheery about it! What are we going to do?"
"It's a pickle. We could always eat our way out."
"That's crazy! What if it's poisoned? No way!"
"Don't be paranoid. It won't be poisoned. Here, look."
Stu leaned over and took a big bite of the pickle.
"Mmmm...that is one fine pickle! Nice and sour, but not TOO sour, you know what I mean?"
Stu seemed to be genuinely enjoying the pickle, so I leaned in for a bite when he suddenly started coughing and gagging. As his breathing became more labored, he managed to gasp out, "Bad pickle, bad...pickle..." before he slumped over.
"HA! Serves you right! Crazy bastard, just eating the pickle."
"Hey, that's not a very nice thing to say."
"AAAAHHHHH! What the heck? I thought you were dead!"
"Haha, yeah, I got you pretty good there. Seriously, the pickle's not bad. A little salty, but all in all a fine meal for a hangover."
Stu sat there happily munching away. I sighed and leaned in for my first bite. Stu was right, it tasted fine, and honestly it hit the spot right about there. We were making good progress on the pickle when there was suddenly a loud crash through the trees at the edge of field.
"Stu! Did you hear that? What was that?"
"It was a tree falling in the woods. See, we were around to hear it, so I don't think that counts."
I tried swinging around to fix the evil death stare on Stu, but we had yet to eat enough of the pickle to allow for that range of motion. Returning my focus to the pickle, the source of the crash loomed clear. A gigantic ogre stood at the edge of the clearing, a look of shock and disgust twisted his ugly face into a horrific nightmare.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY PICKLE???"
He stomped over to us and squatted down to look me in my face. In retrospect, his face probably looked like that all the time. And he was more pissed than disgusted.
I did the only thing I could think of. I shrieked like a little girl and wet myself. At least, I wet the pickle.
"Hey, hey, HEY! I'm not eating that!"
Stu had obviously not noticed the ogre. The ogre decided to make his presence known by making his way around the pickle to squat down in front of Stu.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY PICKLE???"
The ogre was obviously still upset about this.
"Well, hey, look at that ugly mug! There's something you don't see everyday!"
The ogre slumped over unconscious. Apparently, he had jammed his face too close to Stu's mouth, whose already vile breath was compounded by the pickle he had been consuming.
"Man, have you ever woken up with morning breath so bad it can knock out an ogre? Now eat up before he wakes up! I'm not lapping up your piss!"
User Reviews
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-06-15 09:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ow my sanity hurts
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-06-15 08:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I quite liked this
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-06-15 08:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i thought this may have had something to do with the 'rugrats'
dork, i know but the post wasnt much better
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-14 22:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tyypical Uber. . .
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-06-14 22:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the jesus fuck?
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-06-14 20:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NO COMMENT BITCH.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2006-06-14 19:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was so stupid that...
Oh fuck it, it's not worth it.
-2 Die
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-06-14 19:25:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-06-14 18:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smirk
Submitted by GDR (user info) at 2006-06-14 18:03:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:46:46 (#)
Ranking: -1
User Reviews
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Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:43:52 (#)
Ranking: -1
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No reviews
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What he said.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
User Reviews
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Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:43:52 (#)
Ranking: -1
User Reviews
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No reviews
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What he said.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-14 15:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
User Reviews
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No reviews