The Uberia Wars - 2 - 'Shlong Train A-Runnin, All Night Long' (1603 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.52 on 62 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JonnyX (View user info) at 2006-06-15 13:54:19 EDT
Continued from http://www.ubersite.com/m/89138
Awesome Face picked up the phone and called the only person he could to get confirmation from - Shlongy himself!
The Incorporated States of Shlongystan was motivated by one thing, and one thing only - profit.
All endeavors within the nation were run on a for-profit basis: day-care centers, schools, fire departments, churches (The Church Of Shlongy was having a particularly good year after the release of their latest film, 'Passion Of The Shlongy 2 - I'm Still Not Dead, Dipshits!').
There was no government in the traditional sense of the word, but there were organizations dedicated to maintain the power structure of the nation, and that power flowed through one man, and one man alone - and he sure as fuck didn't come from Australia.
"Hello, you've reached the Office of Public Citizen Number One, how may I direct your call?" Inion_de_Trua trilled sweetly into the phone.
"Ah, I need to talk to Shlongy, it's about a payoff he's received." AwesomeFace stammered into the phone.
"Certainly sir, shall I transfer you to the Department of Cash Bribes, or to the Department of Alcohol, Firearms, Tobacco, and Other Free Swag?"
"Well, I need to ask him a question about a bribe he's already taken..." AwesomeFace's voice trailed off.
"I see. That's highly unusual sir, but let me see if he is available." Katy placed him on hold, and rang through to Public Citizen Number One.
"Mr. Shlongy sir, I have a raging homo zitboy virgin loser on line 2 for you, are you free?"
Shlongy stabbed at the speakerphone with a bony, Bonnie-like finger, "What? Who dares interrupt my meeting with the Department of Golf!"
Nitty looked over with a peremptory shrug and waved at Shlongy to take the call, as he headed over to the Strategic Single-Malt Scotch Reserve for 'consultations'.
"Look, can't we have this guy killed?" Shlongy growled into the phone.
"I'm sorry sir, but Avals is on training with Mossad, Badassmofo is still recovering from that television you threw at his head, Rad is on vacation, and JayPeg has locked himself inside the Department of Hydrogenated Foods and all they can hear from coming behind the door is 'mmf mmf mmf', whatever that means - all your assassins are unavailable! Don't you want to know who is calling you?"
"Urk. Who is it?"
"It's AwesomeFace." Katy replied.
Sighing, Shlongy slumped down into his rich Corinthian leather throne, and motioned for the call to be put through, "I know what Fagboy wants, besides a clean change of underwear - he has concerns about some 'pictures'."
"What is it, dipshit?" Shlongy barked into the phone as he drained the last of his Johnnie Walker Blue from a bourbon tumbler.
"Um, hi Shlongy, it's me, Awe.."
"I KNOW WHO THE FUCK THIS IS, YOU MANGO-FLAVOURED DOUCHEBAG! My billable hour rate is $1000, so save yourself a couple hundred bucks and tell why you've soiled yourself this time, and make it snappy, MistressFist is back from New Mexico, and I haven't tapped that poon in WEEKS!"
"Well, Shlongy" AwesomeFace began, "There are some concerns that JonnyX may be planning to spam Uberia with teh ghey menz pron..."
"Listen fucknuts," Shlongy interrupted "Just because JonnyX posts lingerie shots of himself all over the place doesn't mean he's gonna put up any peener- besides, I have it on good authority that his ruling council won't let him...have you seen those broads? That Scottish whore, and the Californian unibrowed chick that carries 15 fuckin knives everywhere, and that blonde chick who likes to listen to Tullian flute music as she cuts up dead bodies - Jesus, what a piece of work they are. Trust Shlongy on this one, everything is just fine. Now go put a clean tampon in and go back to watching meatspin, you dipshit."
Slamming down the phone, Shlongy mused for a bit. What if JonnyX had been compromised? That could seriously fuck the Profit and Loss Statement, and that was the one thing Shlongy valued above all, even more than his Pfizer Pharmaceutical plant in the basement that manufactured fresh Viagra on an hourly basis.
Should he call Orgasmo? "That fruit-flavored poet will have a read on Jonny." Shlongy chuckled to himself. But maybe he should check someone else...
"Hey Katy, pull that gasoline-powered vibrator out of your steeze and place a call to..."
TO BE CONTINUED
Here's my latest royal garments...
User Reviews
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-09-15 17:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just realized how much better this one is than mine.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And another.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-21 09:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
soooo, u like to polish other uberusers' balls by making up retarded stories and incorporating their name into it
what a fucking loser
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-20 11:02:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Part 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/89405
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-16 15:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-06-16 12:08:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
I think some of the jizz from the self love actually oozed from my monitor.
That's a lotta circ jerk!
Use it up, boys! You've only got so many, and the more you yank it now the less future generations will suffer.
-----
Awww, widdle baby jealous?
You obviously don't know JonnyX very well, I have an ENDLESS supply when it comes to Uber-namedropping.
I hope you like it, because you are going to see A WHOLE LOT MORE of it, in the near future...
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-06-16 14:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I demand http://www.ubersite.com/m/89157 Be taken into consideration on all further developments in th Uberia wars under penalty of sugar caning.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-16 13:26:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-16 09:52:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-15 22:44:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Zakalwe got himself on the MVA with clearly labeled porn.
He also had himself taken off the MVA for that reason and hits reduced.
=============
He's still on the MVA moron.
----------------
He later made it back on again and this time bart didn't take him off. He quit posting porn at that time.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-16 13:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-06-15 21:35:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure this is excellent. I kind of skimmed looking for my name. Didn't see it. No big deal. Really the only reason I'm leaving a reply is to mention that the whole "Jonny X post = chick in lingere" thing strikes me as kind of sad.
No offense. If that's your thing, that's your thing. I'm just saying.
Zakalwe got himself on the MVA with clearly labeled porn. You're an incredibly literate and skillfull writer. (Who snagged Shitfuck on the plagarism thing in Uber Madness? That was YOU wasn't it?)
You have much more to offer.
Yes. I am a pot. Yes, I am calling you (kettle) black. No, I am not, nor have I ever been a member of the pottist party.
Someone had to say it though. I don't tend to click your posts while I'm at work because I expect that there will be some (albeit TECHNICALLY SFW) porn on the other side of the link.
---------------
Wow, thoughtful and reasoned constructive criticism...are you sure you're on the right website?
Anyways, I don't know why you think it's sad. It started out as a joke, that went on for a long time, and now it's gotten where I get negative ratings for NOT putting hot chicks up.
I hope you notice that I try to make the image vaguely relevant to the story at least, and I don't randomly put any old picture up, I really do try and spend some time making it work out. Such as it is.
I never post NSFW with a warning, and try to at least leave some white space so there are no surprises on the screen. Perhaps we should have an intermediate ranking for racy but technically SFW pictures? Perhaps I should ask the masses.
I do appreciate you comments about my writing - the truth is, I rarely have time to post anything good, and my comments are better than my posts, especially during UberMadness. I haven't been posting as much lately, and I expect that trend to continue. Thanks though.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-06-16 12:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think some of the jizz from the self love actually oozed from my monitor.
That's a lotta circ jerk!
Use it up, boys! You've only got so many, and the more you yank it now the less future generations will suffer.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-06-16 12:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A PLACE AT THE TABLE
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-06-16 10:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thank you for including my one and only favorite beverage on this post
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-16 09:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-15 22:44:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Zakalwe got himself on the MVA with clearly labeled porn.
He also had himself taken off the MVA for that reason and hits reduced.
=============
He's still on the MVA moron.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-06-16 09:11:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
did you go do this to everybody who didnt leave you the rating you felt you deserved, bitch?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88937#2023734
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-06-16 07:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-06-16 07:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sigh... Another Uber-list I didn't m... Wwwwwait a minute...
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-06-16 04:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-16 00:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:16:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
And as far as your concerned I only have one noticeable zit on my face and im only a half virgin!!!
---
Meaning your peener is and your ass isn't?
I should make a nationstate,but saddly, I'm too lazy.
There were some intresting comments on the Uberia message board when I looked at it.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-15 22:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Zakalwe got himself on the MVA with clearly labeled porn.
He also had himself taken off the MVA for that reason and hits reduced.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-06-15 22:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
fwoooo______ooo0000000000000000000000oooppppp
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-06-15 21:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure this is excellent. I kind of skimmed looking for my name. Didn't see it. No big deal. Really the only reason I'm leaving a reply is to mention that the whole "Jonny X post = chick in lingere" thing strikes me as kind of sad.
No offense. If that's your thing, that's your thing. I'm just saying.
Zakalwe got himself on the MVA with clearly labeled porn. You're an incredibly literate and skillfull writer. (Who snagged Shitfuck on the plagarism thing in Uber Madness? That was YOU wasn't it?)
You have much more to offer.
Yes. I am a pot. Yes, I am calling you (kettle) black. No, I am not, nor have I ever been a member of the pottist party.
Someone had to say it though. I don't tend to click your posts while I'm at work because I expect that there will be some (albeit TECHNICALLY SFW) porn on the other side of the link.
And now you know. And knowing is half the battle.
Submitted by Doodies (user info) at 2006-06-15 19:45:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Good day for it.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-06-15 18:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved it.
I loved it so much I had sex with this post.
I loved it so much that I carried this post's love child and sacrificed it on an altar to THIS post.
Ps. MANGO-FLAVOURED DOUCHEBAG!
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-15 18:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-15 17:35:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
ok?
------
Ok what?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-15 17:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-15 17:13:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Note/a reminder: Part 3 might not be up until Monday.
BE ADVISED.
------
Well, I doubt anyone could whip it out better than you, but no worries, these are kinda open-ended anyways
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-15 17:13:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Note/a reminder: Part 3 might not be up until Monday.
BE ADVISED.
If someone's guaranteed to whip it out by tomorrow, you're welcome to the third slot.
Otherwise, the bitch is mine.
OMG INNUENDO.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-15 16:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hey Katy, pull that gasoline-powered vibrator out of your steeze and place a call to..."
--------
anything explodable is not safe around me.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-06-15 16:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
:(
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-15 16:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes mam...goddan jonnX. Stealing my hits.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-15 16:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-15 16:25:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
My hits arent even going up on the first submission. Did you guys even read it!
--------
why would they, when they can read this?
O-tron will get all the hits tomorrow - geez kid, just be happy you're getting a few crumbs, OK?
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-15 16:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My hits arent even going up on the first submission. Did you guys even read it!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-15 16:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THAT'S RIGHT, I'M AN ASSASSIN, MUTHA FUCKAS!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-15 16:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Her fingers would look just marvelous wrapped around my pole.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-15 16:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:33:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
I have never seen a group of people more fascinated/repulsed by my hands than Uber.
------
well, it's like your trademark or something, it allows us to make sweeping generalizations - Fat Tony has his sweat and hatred for Loren1 & moolies, jaypeg has his weight thing, Caul his hatred of things American and or/fat, my lingerie thing...It could be worse!
You do know Bonnie that I care about you, and I'm not trying to be mean - you're my pal and I want to work you into the story, but I can't get you in as some hot young thing...call it the Curse of Meryl Streep.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your hands are just fine, FG.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:34:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, you DO know you're lingerie..
------
Of course I do - I have a reputation to uphold, y'know.
I also like Berlei a lot, and Wacoal has some amazing fabrics.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sigh *your lingerie
I'm all flustered now.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, you DO know you're lingerie..
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have never seen a group of people more fascinated/repulsed by my hands than Uber.
And just so you know, the accoustics in autopsy rooms are pretty schweeet. Where better to listen to Tull than in there?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I take it back. She could hold a baseball bat between those cheeks...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:17:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Not trying to bust your balls, sir. Just interested is all.
I'll be going now. *hangs head*
----
get back here you, don't go away mad...look, how 'bout a nice La Perla gift bag for you, mmmkay?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait- before you run off, could you suck me off, first?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not trying to bust your balls, sir. Just interested is all.
I'll be going now. *hangs head*
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:00:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
But Jonny's not British either..why's he spelling like a limey?
------
sweetie, you're thinking too much - it's just a catchphrase.
You don't see people busting balls over all the commas in "what the hell, man", you understand what I am saying?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-15 15:00:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But Jonny's not British either..why's he spelling like a limey?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:16:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
"I KNOW WHO THE FUCK THIS IS, YOU MANGO-FLAVOURED DOUCHEBAG!
=========
Shlongy's British in this version?
----
Actually Lishy, that's one of JonnyX's catch-phrases - I put it in there because I used all of Shlongy's catch phrases already.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
somebody feature c1ndy for god sakes so she stops crying.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll do part three...it may not be up until Monday, though. I'll see what I can do.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*cries*
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who is up to part 3?
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My people are all pissed off about taxes.
How the fuck am I supposed to spend money on tanks and other awesome stuff. Stupid serfs. Im a fucking king. Im not oppressive! Im just in charge cause god said so.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:24:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Moved it over successfully.
I'll likely forget about this and my little nation will crumble, untended to.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bauahauahahahahahah...there's a lot of good lines in this installment.
Speaking of lines, I could use some before I blow out of here and find a bar to watch me some US Open action.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I KNOW WHO THE FUCK THIS IS, YOU MANGO-FLAVOURED DOUCHEBAG!
=========
Shlongy's British in this version?
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And as far as your concerned I only have one noticeable zit on my face and im only a half virgin!!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This story ain't bad.
I'm not really accustomed to reading actual "stories" on Uber.
I mostly just look for camwhore posts and then tell them they're either "ugly"; "gay" or to "blow me".
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Mr. Shlongy sir, I have a raging homo zitboy virgin loser on line 2 for you, are you free?"
---------
Ass.
Nicely done.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
go to find a region and tpye in uberia
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:11:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jonny, how do I move my country into Uberia on the NationStates site?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like chicks with tattoos.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-15 14:04:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet she could hold a microphone between those cheeks.
Now, to the post...
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-15 13:59:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jeff laben day was so 1991