Things Aren't Always What They Seem (649 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.23 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Skinny_Kenny (View user info) at 2006-06-16 15:15:53 EDT
I was talking with a friend the other night about the many odd and varied encounters we had both experienced in the course of our dating adventures over the years. He was telling me that he had recently met a girl through an internet dating service. He had even seen a picture of her on the site - kind of an over the shoulder profile shot - and she seemed pretty good looking.
They had arranged a date, and when he went to her house to pick her up for the big night, the first thing he noticed was a distinctly male-organish bulge in the front of "her" jeans.
You can guess the rest.
It reminded me of a similar, yet possibly even more bizarre experience that I had a few years back...
---------------ooooo---------------
I ran into a "girl" who obviously knew me - she knew where I lived, my sister and mom, where I had gone to shcool - and said that I knew her, too. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out from where or how, and she wouldn't tell me. Over the course of the next few weeks, we saw each other once a week at the same function, and she kept teasing/pestering me about it to the point that it was becoming exceedingly annoying.
Funny thing is, I was also becoming slightly attracted to her.
Well, one night - weeknight, mind you - there's a knock on my door around 11:30 or so. I got up and answered it, and it was "Heather." I was a little pissed because I had been asleep and had to get up early for work, but I let her in.
We started talking, and she was really coming on to me, even going so far as to flash her tits at one point, just to show me how nice they were. (They were in fact quite beautiful.)
Again, she wouldn't quit playing her annoying little guessing game as to how I knew her, and frankly, I was fed up with it and getting ready to ask her to leave.
It was at that time that she finally said "Remember Robbie, who used to live up the street?" and it hit me like a ton of bricks:
This "GIRL" was ROBBIE!!
IT WAS NOW HEATHER/ROBBIE!!!
I was dumbstruck! When I finally found words to speak again, all I could think of to say was:
"So do you still have a dick?"
It said "Honey, I've got a $10,000 pussy."
I damn near shit myself. I immediately got up and kicked her out. Didn't PHYSICALLY kick her out, but I really did want to hit the fucker. In hindsight, that probably would have been OK since it was really a guy deep down, minus the feminine facade which had been surgically applied, but still...
As I was herding the thing out the door, I remembered that I had heard a car drive off right before "It" had knocked on my the door, and I noticed that there was no vehicle parked in the driveway. Turns out the thing had hired a cab to bring it over to my house, so I ended up having to give it a ride home to get rid of it.
---------------ooooo---------------
It's a really funny story, now, but at the time...
Object Lesson #69: Things aren't always as they appear.
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-06-17 05:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shoulda hit it
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-06-17 04:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mangina, Ha Ha.
-Dave
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-06-16 23:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't lie, Kenny.
You hit it.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2006-06-16 21:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-06-16 19:33:23 (#)
Ranking: 1
Why would anyone spend $10000 on a twat.
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That's what I wondered, man. I mean, I've already got TWO hands, and they don't talk back or want me to take them to dinner.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-06-16 19:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why would anyone spend $10000 on a twat. Why not accept that you have a penis and buy a home cinema? With speakers on stands and a good sofa and, and, a popcorn machine. Oh man that'd be so awesome
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2006-06-16 16:48:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's allright, Shlong. I'm just pleased by your unusually high rating.
Submitted by GDR (user info) at 2006-06-16 16:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh out loud, really it did.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-06-16 16:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I call bullshit.
Kenny told me he tapped that plasto-cunt. I've got the email to prove it.
Have a +2 for having the balls to out your shemale on male love experience here on Uber, Ken.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2006-06-16 16:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I wish that you had tried out the fake pussy and then told us about it."
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That'll be my next piece of FICTION.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-06-16 16:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-06-16 16:20:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. +1.5
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-06-16 16:05:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Incidentally, if you've ever seen "Transamerica", then you know how *interesting* it is to see Felicity Huffman pee standing up. (There's also a bathtub shot of her "post-op" that is revealing.)
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-06-16 16:02:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know why you went with the "it" pronoun. You could've still gone with an emphasized HE if that's the point you wanted to make. Or, "the-man-with-the-pussy".
After all, eunuchs are still men, no?
Submitted by BigD (user info) at 2006-06-16 16:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you should have done it, no one would have ever known. why did she-he-it tell you that it was a she-he-it in the first place.
I was flipping through my paperview chanels and saw an incredibly hot girl stripping down. I thought about braking out the old lube and then I saw the title at the bottom "I was a man, now I'm all woman!"
*groan*
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-16 15:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
the adventures of kenny
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-16 15:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I don't believe you.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-16 15:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There's a +2 in your future if you did him/her afterwards.
Goddamn that'd be hot as ca...I mean, MAN that'd be interesting.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-06-16 15:28:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wish that you had tried out the fake pussy and then told us about it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-16 15:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
so, you prefer the actual penis itself? Good call!
Submitted by Mystical_Mudyak (user info) at 2006-06-16 15:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Admit it, you fucked her.