UGR: I'm not Dead Yet (793 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Comp
Rating: 1.4 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by goferforhire <goferforhire.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-06-17 02:23:44 EDT
Fate is not Greek Tragedy- Oedipus screwed himself up, he didn't need any help- Fate is not a religious experience or a love at first sight or even a bullet missing by a hair, sparing a proud father and loyal husband. Fate is lightning from a clear sky. Fate is death, an apple in a garden. Most importantly, Fate is the son of a bitch who burned my house down with my wife and little daughter still inside and held them there to burn to death while I just sat, watched and tried to get in the front door to save some scrap of the life I'd spent thirty years building out of nearly nothing. Have you ever tried to get revenge on a force of nature?
It's not enough to just kill a few people with ties to your problems, you've got to kill every last man, woman and child who even looked at you funny. Fate's a fickle bitch. She works in mysterious ways, but I do take a little bit of pride in the fact that she never quite managed to finish me off. She's a tease, too... she'll never let you come if that's what you want. She'll take everyone around you one at a time, but she will never let you get what you want. I bought a gun, after my family died, and got a hotel room. The fucking manager found me and stopped me before I could pull the trigger. What would you do? Of course I put a hole in his chest, it was damn insensitive of him. Since then I've tried approximately 15 different times to off myself in some dramatic fashion or another, but I've always been interrupted. I've got mortality blue-balls at this point. But I've been giving where I can't receive.
...
Weeks after the tragedy, still in mourning, I read an article about a similar occurance, down the street from where my house had been. The police had already begun talking about a serial arsonist, begun investigating local insane asylums and trailer parks looking for the kind of batshit whackjobs that would go far enough off the deep end to set fires in suburbia. Fuck if I didn't know better. I'd seen the damn kids hanging around my neighborhood. I didn't let my daughter play while they were out there. They just sat, smoked, and watched the houses with eyes like the dogs you see at the pound that have been there just long enough to know they won't be there much longer. My daughter wanted a puppy when we went on a dog rescue mission. Everyone wants puppies.
I asked around, grasing pockets where necessary and doing a little pistol whipping where that didn't work out. Questionning pointed me downtown, somewhat unsurprisingly, to an abandoned building that had once housed some kind of jewelry store or something. I've seen Die Hard, Terminator, all the Bond Movies... I even saw the first two Mission Impossibles- my first instinct was to go in guns blazing, and my second was to come up with some fucking complicated plan to sneak through and kill them all one at a time. But then a better idea came to mind, a sudden inspiration. If I didn't know better, I'd have called it divine.
I watched from the 7-11 across the street (whose manager was quite confused by the crates of vodka I'd purchased by my lonesome). I smelt it before I saw it. Alcohol based fire has a completely different smell, and a different way of burning. I would have done gas if I'd felt like going down into the pipes. I took the easy way out for a reason, though. The windows didn't break, thank God. I saw the little pricks hammering on the upstairs windows first and then trying feebly to open them. Just as the first of them started succumbing to the smoke and lack of oxygen, the lucky one showed up. He was tall for a little punk. Dyed hair, nose ring, bondage pants- a fucking stereotype, it was too easy. I watched as he banged on the door, I even started to smile as the doorknob burned his hands but would not twist. He backed slowly away, watching as the fire slowly consumed the fucked up little gang that had become his family, and he sunk to his knees as the building collapsed to the ground. I think maybe he was crying, but I really don't give a rat's ass.
The guy behind the counter was going to call the police. I shot him.
The guy holding the mop pulled a gun on me when I opened fire on his friend, but I was on a roll so I fucking shot him too, shit why not?
I walked out into the street, towards the weeping dirty bastard who might maybe have killed my family, grabbed him by his raunchy pink hair, and slammed his face into the conrete until it stopped bleeding.
When I looked up, there was a little boy watching me with a horrified little confused grin. Yea, I shot him too, I guess I don't get the 'good parent' medal anymore, huh? Wanna take my 'world's greatest dad' mug?
After all that, by myself in the wreckage of revenge, I put the same damn gun to my head, cocked it, sat my ass down and squeezed the trigger. I smiled.
I knew I shouldn't have capped the bitch with the mop.
User Reviews
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm +2ing all your posts as a sign of good faith. I just want to show that there is no animosity between us. Friends?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-22 14:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't decide which of these I like better. You two have a great little battle going.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-06-22 11:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yup
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-06-21 15:52:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
seriously
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-06-21 15:52:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this really was a good post
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-21 09:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5 ish.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-21 09:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was good, but the mood was too somber.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-06-20 15:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ummm...not sure what all was going on in here...EXTREMELY confusing.
Still, worth reading.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Erase & Rewrite
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-19 17:10:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
wow.
REALLY hard to read. Went through it 3 times, could barely make any sense out of it.
This was a first draft, not a final draft.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-06-19 17:06:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1.5
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-06-19 17:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2006-06-19 16:04:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Snapped.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-19 14:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You destroyed me back in the Poetry Contest.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-19 14:32:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't like your 700,000 hit post.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-06-19 11:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-19 11:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89375
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-19 11:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like the idea of fate a lot. i think this is a little less than a 2, but not enough for me to try and make it average out.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-06-19 10:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i reserve the right to later knock this down a notch to a +1.5 depending on your competitors piece but this was entertaining and creative so +2.
Submitted by deedee (user info) at 2006-06-19 05:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-06-18 12:21:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by I_love_Kracka (user info) at 2006-06-17 10:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-06-17 08:28:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't care if Ned Flanders is the nicest guy in the world. He's a
jerk -- end of story.
-- Homer Simpson
When Flanders Failed
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-17 08:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"All God's children they all gotta die.."
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-06-17 02:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89285