UGR: Anthem of Grace and Brutality (1006 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.74 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ghola (View user info) at 2006-06-19 08:13:28 EDT
Grace and Steven stumble across the rock covered field as they make their way toward the railroad tracks. The bright July sun beats down on their backs and sears the tops of their scalps.
"Come on, Grace," Steven calls over his shoulder.
Her short legs carry her along as fast as they can, as she stumbles across rocks and dandelions.
"I'm coming!" she calls after him as she hitches up the sides of her skirt and tumbles along.
The defunct railroad track sprawls out ahead of them, promising excitement and luring the two onward towards hope, destiny and adventure. No train has made its way across these tracks while either eight year old Grace or ten year old Steven has been alive. The wooden planks are worn down and old and the metal railing is rusted from weather's harsh hand.
Their young feet plod across the wooden planks skipping over flowers and weeds that have grown up there. Grace stops approximately every four feet to pick wildflowers or to scoop up a handful of soot and dirt.
After almost an hour of walking Grace asks, "Will it be much further?"
"Not too much further," he answers, turning back to look at her. Her blonde hair, soaked in perspiration, clings to her forehead and her knees are scuffed and bleeding from tripping over the assorted debris. "You doing okay?" he asks, softening his expression. "You need a break?"
Grace fervently shakes her head and pronounces, "No. Keep going. Just keep going."
Any stranger that heard them talking would have thought they were years older than they were.
They walk on in the day's heat for hours. Grace has no way to keep track of the time and Steven doesn't care to. They simply walk. There's nothing more honest and solid than the way two children's feet hit the dry dusty ground as they plod carefully across the earth. Neither of them speak or feel the need to. They occasionally glance up to see a stray bird swooping through the air in search of some prey, but otherwise they stare at the earth in front of them.
After several hours they find the coal mine. It's just where Steven thought it'd be. The ground between them and the mine is covered with soot that has prevented the grass from growing. The clearly worn trail is hot and dry and every breeze that sweeps along kicks dirt up in the air.
"There," Steven says, pointing at the entrance. 'Keep out!' signs with bold red lettering crowd the entryway. Wires run from one side to the other, but the spaces in between are small enough for any child to slide through with ease.
They shuffle away from the railroad tracks, picking their feet up to avoid briars and swinging their hands through the Bahai grass. The few minutes it takes to walk to the mine shaft seems incredibly long compared to the hours they've been walking along the railroad tracks.
Steven offers Grace his hand before he begins to climb through the wire, but she shrugs him away and begins to shimmy through the tight stretched metal coiling that blocks their entry.
"Come on," she says, looking back at him with a smile. Skin is stretched taut across her face in the effort of a forced smile. Any kid would be apprehensive about climbing into an abandoned mine shaft. Grace is terrified.
They each make their way through the wire, avoiding its sharp edges so they won't be cut. After a few moments of walking there is almost no light and Grace begins to feel her way along the jagged cave walls. Steven stumbles and moves behind Grace to do the same. Their small hands follow each crack, crevice, and bend in the wall.
"You think we're okay?" Grace asks him.
"Yeah, we're doing fine. Are you scared?"
She shakes her head in the dark, though she knows he probably can't see her. "No. Not scared."
They both keep edging along, craning their heads to hear any little sound in the darkness that might give a hint as to what's ahead. A rushing sound that must be water is the only thing either of them can make out.
They hear the crash before they feel a thing, but within seconds they are both vividly aware that they are falling. Neither of the children have time to scream or give a thought to doing something so needless and stupid. Their bodies connect with the ground below and then there's silence.
Finally Steven calls out, "Are you okay? Grace? Are you okay?" The only sound he can hear is crumbling rock and scattering gravel. "Grace?" he repeats.
"I'm here," she answers with a strained voice. She sounds strikingly liquid and childlike, almost as though her voice is a living thing that defines and makes her.
Steven crawls across the earth with his hands stretched out in front of him. He waves his arms back and forth trying to feel his way in the dark, trying to find Grace. His hand hits soft flesh and he whispers, "Grace. Grace are you okay? Are you hurt? Grace are you hurt?"
She breathes in and answers, "I think I'm okay. I'm bleeding I think, but I'm okay."
Their eyes adjust to the darkness, which is just short of pitch black. Steven can make out Grace's outline and runs his hands over her arms and legs, checking for a break or a gouge.
"Yeah, you're bleeding a little bit," he says. He pulls his shirt off and ties it around her leg. "This will probably stop the bleeding."
"What are we going to do?" she asks him. She sounds so quiet and small, but sure of herself. She's scared, but realizes the futility in being scared. She's hurt, but knows there's nothing that can be done. Grace breathes in to calm her nerves and asks again, "What do we do?"
Steven stands up next to her, bending to be sure that there's nothing jutting low enough to hit him. "I'll look around," he says. "Maybe there's a way out of here."
After twenty minutes of careful exploration he returns and kneels next to her. "Grace, there's nothing. There's no way out of here. There's some water or something in a hole over to our left, but I guess that's where the wall caved in. We'll just have to wait. Someone will come looking for us. Someone will find us." His voice breaks off in a sob.
Grace runs her hand over his arm and lets her head drop to his shoulder. "It'll be okay Stevie. It has to be okay. It'll be okay."
They sit there together until both of them fall asleep from exhaustion. Then there's nothing but the small sound of crumbling and children's breathing. Otherwise, it's quiet.
Grace awakes hours later and shakes Steven's shoulder. "Wake up," she whispers.
"Oh," he says, sitting up. "I forgot we were here. I guess I thought I was at home in my bed."
"Sorry," she replies, feebly.
"How's your leg?"
Grace gingerly touches the spot where Steven's shirt is bound around her leg and winces. "It hurts," she answers.
"Can you walk on it?"
She leans forward and tries to push herself off the ground. Tears well up in her eyes and she gasps from the strain. "No. No, I don't think I can." She flops back in the dirt and runs her hands through her tangled and filthy hair.
"That's okay. Just stay where you are then." Steven stands up and moves slowly around, waving his hands out in front of him. "There's got to be something to eat in here. I'm starving."
"I'm thirsty," Grace replies. "Didn't you say there was water?"
Steven bends over and cups his hands, scooping handfuls of water up to his mouth and noisily slurping them. "Yes," he answers, with water running down his face and dripping off his chin. He cups his hands and dips them into the water again. He draws them upward slowly and carefully makes his way across the room so that Grace can drink. He does it five more times until Grace says that she's had enough.
He tears off part of the t-shirt he has tied around Grace's leg and she flinches. "Shhh," he says. "It's okay." He dips the shirt into the water and returns to wash the filth off of Grace's face and arms and legs. He does the same to himself.
"You feeling any better?" he asks her.
"I'm okay," she answers.
"They'll find us soon, Grace."
There's a moment of silence and each of them listens to the lapping water across the room. Whoever thought the monotonous sound of lapping water would be so confining?
"Tell me a story Stevie."
He crawls so that he's only a few feet away from Grace and he begins. "Once I was out fishing with Mom and Dad. You'd probably be too little to remember it. Mom had never been fishing before. She didn't want to tell Dad that though, she went on and on about how she was an expert fisherman. Well, they got out there and he strung up both their poles, you know to be polite and all. Well after about ten minutes Mom got a bite and her bobber went under the water. Well, when that happened she leapt up and shouted. Dad thought something bad had happened, but when he asked her what was wrong she sat right back down.
'Well,' Mom said. 'How much did those bobber things cost you?'
Dad puzzled for a minute and then finally told her that he reckoned they cost him about ten cents apiece.
'Well,' she said. 'I think I owe you 10 cent, because my bobber just sank.'
Dad laughed and laughed. After that he had to teach her everything. She didn't even know how to bait her hook."
Grace giggles. "Momma didn't do that."
"She did too! I swear she did. You'll just have to ask Dad after we get rescued."
Grace leans back on her hands and swallows. "What if we don't get rescued Stevie?"
"We'll get rescued."
They both sit in the quiet for a while and wonder what will happen if they don't get rescued. They'll starve to death, or thirst to death if the water runs out, or maybe there's something in the cave they don't know about and it will eat them alive.
"Grace?"
"Yea?"
"We'll be okay. I swear."
They spend the day talking about things they had done, things their parents had done and things they wished they'd done. Every time they get hungry, they drink some more of the water.
They're not sure how long they've been trapped, but it must have been four or five days. They're both weak from exhaustion and hunger.
"Stevie, I think this is what starving to death feels like."
He crawls across the floor and holds her head in his lap. "Naw, Grace. People have gone way longer than this without food. We'll be fine. Didn't you ever hear about grand paw?"
"No," she says in a quiet voice. It's the sort of voice reserved for the beaten and broken.
"Well, I'll tell ya then."
Grace closes her eyes and tries to clear her mind so she can concentrate on Steven's voice and not the throbbing hunger pangs in her stomach.
He starts out with his voice low and even. "Well grand paw used to go hunting out by himself in the woods all the time. One time when he went he got his foot trapped in a bear trap and his gun was a good fifteen feet away. He thought for sure he was going to starve to death. He sat out in those woods for three weeks with nothing to eat and only rainwater to drink. He probably would have died out there if Grand maw hadn't sent her brother looking for him. He was delirious when they found him and ranting about rattlesnakes that swam in the air, but otherwise he was fine. So, we'll be just fine Grace."
Steven looks down at Grace's delicate face, still covered with soot from the cave. Her eyes are closed and her lips are parted just a bit.
"Grace?"
"Yeah?" she murmurs at him.
"You're a good sister, ya know?"
"Thanks Stevie."
"Am I a good brother?"
"Of course you are."
"And you know I love you Grace."
"Love ya too."
He bends down and kisses her forehead and wipes the hair out of her face. "Goodbye Grace," he whispers.
He picks up the jagged rock he dragged across the cave with him and bashes it into the side of her head, over and over again until she quits thrashing, moving or making any sound at all. If she wasn't so drenched with blood, it might look like she was just sleeping.
He stares at her with tears running down his face. He swallows back the snot pooled in the back of his throat and pulls her arm so that she's sitting limply upright next to him. Her face is so covered with blood that he can hardly tell that he's looking at his sister. His teeth sink into the flesh of her shoulder and he rips the meat away from her bones. He hadn't thought it'd be so chewy. Gagging a bit, Steven continues to eat that way until he's had his fill and then he collapses on the ground next to her.
He cries there until he falls asleep. The rescue team finds him that way, with his arm curled around his dead sister's body. Blood is pooled beneath her and stains her clothes and bare skin. Steven's face, hands, and chest are covered with vomit and blood. He is a pale ghostly color and his skin is clammy and cold.
"Is he alive?" one man asks.
"Yeah. He is."
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-14 11:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the funny thing is, i think this is a piece o shit
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-12 07:55:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very well done...
Submitted by carbon (user info) at 2007-07-29 11:23:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-02-10 13:03:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wtf?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-22 12:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad you kept the turn at the end short and sweet.
Though I gotta say, I felt a little bad for her when he asked if he was a good brother...
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy mother screwing ass whiping shit eating ho slapping fuck.
You are one sick bitch!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:09:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gee, I see two cocksuckers on here who need their skulls bashed in with a shovel.
Interesting.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-21 10:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I rate the ass, not the post or poster.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-21 10:12:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was excellent. I like the twist that came out of no where. Very well done.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2006-06-21 05:48:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That'll teach them to forget to bring flashlights. That was pretty gory. I did find it a little bit hard to believe that he would do that because he seemed like such a nice brother. I think it would have been better if there'd been a trigger that tipped him over the edge. Or that earlier in the story he did something slightly bad to foreshadow him killing her later.
However, sometimes good people do very bad things, so it was believable.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-06-20 15:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, in my mind, it was very reminiscent of Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher getting lost in the cave...
...until, of course, he bashed her head in.
Mark Twain could have been SO much more entertaining.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-06-20 14:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dun dun dun dun
dun
dun, dun - dun dun!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-06-20 10:35:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ETS remediation.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-20 10:21:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-06-20 10:15:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-20 09:45:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
i apologize for not jumping on your cockwagon. it seems like anyone that has an opinion of their own and an honest criticism gets bashed by a bunch of fags.
if you don't like what i have to say, eat shit and die.
--------
i didn't say anything negative to you.
----------------------
i know you didn't. and i do appreciate you answering my question. i was talking about everyone else coming down on me for having an honest opinion that's not linear with the rest. that's why i didn't rate this negatively a second time
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-06-20 10:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-20 09:45:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
i apologize for not jumping on your cockwagon. it seems like anyone that has an opinion of their own and an honest criticism gets bashed by a bunch of fags.
if you don't like what i have to say, eat shit and die.
--------
i didn't say anything negative to you.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-20 10:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH, FUCK YES, wifey.
gholabuzz™ in full effect.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-20 09:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i apologize for not jumping on your cockwagon. it seems like anyone that has an opinion of their own and an honest criticism gets bashed by a bunch of fags.
if you don't like what i have to say, eat shit and die.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-06-20 08:39:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still sat here in awe.........
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-20 00:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well holy crap. did not see that coming. this was great. and this is also the last thing i'm rating tonight.
i love the play on the title.
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2006-06-19 18:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, this turned south fast.
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-06-19 18:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn... that was, like.... holy shit. Harsh.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-06-19 17:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is war.
Submitted by Vengance (user info) at 2006-06-19 17:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-06-19 16:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to give this another +2 just for good measure
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-19 15:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-06-19 11:29:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-19 09:17:06 (#)
Ranking: -1
this is gory simply for the sake of being gory. you had good direction but some of it was contradictory. why did he tell the story of his grandpa surviving for 3 weeks on rainwater and then bash his sister's head?
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This is a very stupid person.
Yeah, if you don't know how to provide proper criticism, then don't do it.
Unless this is Method, practicing his UM Shenannys again
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-19 14:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus +@
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-19 14:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For your ass, here's a +2. Which probably won't count because according to the contest organizer, that's not a good enough reason to give a +2.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-06-19 14:28:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whenever I'm finished reading your stories I have to look around for a while to make sure there's not some crazy bastard wearing a soccerball mask ready to beat me to death because I ran over a squirrel when I was 16 or something like that. And that is a really cool feeling.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-06-19 11:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-19 09:17:06 (#)
Ranking: -1
this is gory simply for the sake of being gory. you had good direction but some of it was contradictory. why did he tell the story of his grandpa surviving for 3 weeks on rainwater and then bash his sister's head?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This is a very stupid person.
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-06-19 11:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
love it
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-06-19 10:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
More people need to rate this to cancel out twaTawt.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-06-19 10:10:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-19 09:17:06 (#)
Ranking: -1
this is gory simply for the sake of being gory. you had good direction but some of it was contradictory. why did he tell the story of his grandpa surviving for 3 weeks on rainwater and then bash his sister's head?
Did you read the same story? just curious cause this continued in a forward motion the whole way thgough to an entertaining end.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-06-19 09:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-19 09:17:06 (#)
Ranking: -1
this is gory simply for the sake of being gory. you had good direction but some of it was contradictory. why did he tell the story of his grandpa surviving for 3 weeks on rainwater and then bash his sister's head?
-----
To comfort her before he killed her.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-19 09:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
this is gory simply for the sake of being gory. you had good direction but some of it was contradictory. why did he tell the story of his grandpa surviving for 3 weeks on rainwater and then bash his sister's head?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-19 08:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent paragraphs ;)
The story rocked my world too
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-06-19 08:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Shit.
I had made up my mind to not rate any of these until they were all submitted, but Holy Shit.
One of your best.
-Dave
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-06-19 08:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking hell..........
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-06-19 08:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whoa.