The Mannequin Man Cometh (416 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.33 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (View user info) at 2006-06-19 22:51:33 EDT
The Mannequin Man Commeth
It started with nylons. I liked to go to my mom's drawer and take out my favorite pair; they were an off-pink color that I thought complimented my legs well. My mom would yell at me, and go off and sign me up for some group sport. I tried baseball, but there was too much sand. I tried soccer, but I the shin-guards would never fit. In football, I was afraid of getting hit, of course. I ended up in dance. Now, I'm not coordinated, at all. But something appealed to me. I think it was the tights.
In college, my obsession was imitating the poses of the mannequins at Macy's. I would nonchalantly take a hat off one of the mannequins. Then I would ever so slyly strip another of its shirt. After that I would yell "FIRE" and in the chaos of everyone running out of the building, I would steal some unfortunate mannequin's pants. I would take these clothes home with me, and then come back to the store a few days later, wearing them. Then I would find a mannequin that appealed to me, and copy how it was standing in the shop windows. Most people glanced at me for a second or so, and then hurried away. Others actually stood and gaped at me for hours. (I didn't have a job) Those people were mainly tourists. "Americans" they would whisper amongst themselves and then they'd shake their heads pityingly.
One day, while I was standing with my finger placed delicately in on my lips, my left knee straight and my right jutting out at a 120-degree angle, and plotting the demise of the entire human race, the security guards came over to my window, and asked me to leave. He was around 6'8', and must have weighed more than a hippo with the gout.
"Hey Bub," he said, although it sounded more like grunting, "You wanna move, or shall I make you?"
I stood completely still.
"Come on, asshole, don't you dare play mannequin with me!"
I didn't even blink. He hit me with his baton.
I whipped around, my fist hurtling, and got him square in the nose.
He pulled out a gun and shot me square in the stomach with a rubber bullet.
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Ok, what actually happened was that a scrawny teenager, with pimples and a cracking voice politely asked me if I "could please move, kind sir." I complied.
User Reviews
Submitted by raznseven (user info) at 2006-06-20 13:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
inspiration
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-06-20 10:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loved it.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-20 09:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
can't help the things that make you smile...
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-06-20 09:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-06-20 07:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This was done to much better effect in a 'Just William' story.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2006-06-20 04:54:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Sorry it's just not a very good story, and it doesn't help that the presentation is bad either.
Submitted by Jarnjonack (user info) at 2006-06-20 04:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Definately a +1 but I'll give you the boost to counter those whith absolutely no taste for non sequitor humor. It was very amusing, but you lost me in the second half. I love the call back to tights!
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-06-20 03:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Chazzy (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:02:56 (#)
Ranking: -2
If the Bible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that
girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and
foxy boxing and such and such.
-- Homer Simpson
Lisa on Ice
___________________________
Marge: I know we didn't ask for this, Homer, but doesn't the Bible
say, "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you
do unto me...?"
Homer: Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say, "Thou shalt not take
moochers into thy hut?"
The Otto Show
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-06-20 01:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty funny. Could have been formatted better so it was a little easier to read.
Submitted by Paul_Monroe (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this wasn't so bad...
more of a plus 1 but +2 for the haters
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ow. Ow. Ow.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bye-bye now.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Really really aweful
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
:(
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bump.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Try again, or better yet, please don't
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This sucked ass, man.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:18:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by I_love_Kracka (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:10:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I did not like this. It was a waste of space.
Have a great day!
Submitted by Chazzy (user info) at 2006-06-19 23:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If the Bible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that
girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and
foxy boxing and such and such.
-- Homer Simpson
Lisa on Ice