Count to Purple, Backwords (UGR), OR - A Memoir of My Childhood with Noam Chomsky (661 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.64 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (View user info) at 2006-06-20 12:45:20 EDT
Growing up with Noam Chomsky was a bit like growing up with an encyclopedia. Oh, you could always go to it (him) as a reference, but you rarely wanted to spend that much time when you just needed a quick answer.
I mean, he was my friend, but sometimes the kid was just hard to be around.
"I can't, I need to finish an essay about the dangers of the spread of fascism," he told me and a couple of the other boys from Ms. Goodman's 5th Grade class.
"Um, what's fashionism? We don't care what you wear when you play, we just need one more for a stickball game when we get home."
It was one of those beautiful autumn days at the end of October, too, right after school. You could still smell the temperature dropping, the birds were either gathering their nest or flying south, the sun was trying hard to poke out at intervals and spread its last bits of warmth, and all we needed was one more fucking kid for stickball.
"No, F-A-S-C-I-S-M, fascism. Don't you guys ever listen to the radio?"
"Yeah, Chase and Sanborn," said one of the boys, "we listen every Sunday."
"Phillies games," said another.
"I'm talking about the news," Noam was getting impatient, "you guys seriously don't know what's been going on in Germany recently?"
"I have a feeling that you're about to tell us," I said, "and if you do, we're out of here."
"They've already violated the Treaty of Versailles-"
We just took off running. Before we rounded the corner by the bakery, I turned around and he was still standing there. He probably kept talking, to entertain the squirrels that were packing for winter.
That was a Friday, and I didn't see him again until late Sunday night, when some of the neighbors were in high panic over a certain radio broadcast. Noam was out in the street yelling. "It's not real. It's a book by H.G. Wells. Does 'War of the Worlds' ring a bell? Don't you guys ever read books?" But they didn't listen. What does a fifth-grader know? They were too busy packing for a martian winter.
Those are just two instances of how annoyingly serious he was about everything. Always reading, sometimes teaching the teachers, and as far as I know the kid never had any fun.
The only time I ever thoroughly enjoyed his presence was during lunch hour that same year. I don't remember the day, but it was somewhat cold. We had to keep moving to stay warm, so most of the students were playing "fetch the bacon".
Noam and I, though, had made up a game. The idea of the game was to give the other person an absurd sentence, and make them act it out the best way they thought possible.
"Push the automobile while driving it with your feet," I started. And he had his legs spread one on the ground, the other on the side of the schoolhouse as if it was the steering wheel. He hopped a couple times and fell into a heap of laughter.
"Count to purple, backwards," he continued. And I started walking backwards, picking out girls' dresses as if numbers. Black, yellow, red, purple!
He was really laughing by now. "Ah, all you can count to is purple. I can count all the way up to green, ooh, ahahaha."
And just then I got an idea. "Okay, me next. You ready? Colorless green ideas sleep furiously."
It was like someone threw water in his face. He stopped laughing immediately, and just sat there with the most pensive look I've ever seen. I had seen that look before, though not as intense, and I knew the game was over. Lunch ended, and the rest of the day I watched Noam scribbling away, hunched over a sheet of paper.
I learned later what actually happened. He had gotten an idea that was entirely more important than mine, an idea that led to an even more substantial contribution to human understanding.
Normally, I would never try and take any credit for someone else's achievements, but damnit, I want credit for that sentence. That was my sentence! It was the perfect blend of syntactic acceptability and semantic absurdity.
All he came up with was, "Count to purple, backwards."
User Reviews
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-11-17 15:52:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Late +2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-28 16:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked mine better.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-06-22 18:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Noam Chomsky is real?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-06-22 17:37:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't really do it for me, sorry.
-Dave
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-22 14:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was really good, but it didn't have much to do with the assigned genre so I'm deducting a point.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-06-22 12:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:49:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While I enjoyed this, I found that it didn't follow with the category too much. There just wasn't too much action or adventure. Sorry, but 1.5 for minor snafu.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2006-06-20 14:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this, and I'm not even a communist!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-06-20 14:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-06-20 14:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking-A Brilliant!!!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-06-20 13:38:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-20 13:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
and for that, you get a +1.5
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-06-20 13:08:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good old Noam.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-20 13:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
goddammit, you should killed Noam Chomsky when you had the chance!
Submitted by resignator (user info) at 2006-06-20 12:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
auto Chomsky +2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-20 12:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Colorless green ideas sleep furiously."
Auto +2 Chomsky.
This was charming. Reserve right to rerate once opponent posts, etc etc
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-06-20 12:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Contest link: http://www.ubersite.com/m/89285 (Action/Adventure genre)
Forgive me Father, it's been 62 days since my last post.