Tempest (770 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.75 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Gabrielle <Spirits_Song15.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-06-20 17:42:53 EDT
You are wind,
who sweeps through silhouettes
against midnight blue.
I am bamboo, who will never break
because she bends. Come
with rains or sunshine,
but come to me.
Rough or sweet, come to me.
Kiss my stems,
caress my leaves.
From root to tip, let me feel you.
Sighing, slide against me.
Let me breathe you.
Dance with me. Play with me. Sing through me.
Relax - then gather yourself again.
Come for me.
User Reviews
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2006-06-21 18:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You break wind,
it sweeps through my panties
against my lips.
I am wet, I will never leak
but I have the bends. Dam it.
With the runs or seepers,
Shit on me
rough like sweat, shit on me.
Kiss my clit,
Caress my crack.
From chota to hole, let me molest you.
Sighing, shit against me.
Let me piss on you.
Shit with me. Piss with me. Mix it through me.
Relax - then gather yourself again.
Shit on me.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-06-21 18:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Talk about flogging a dead horse.
Lobster. Pinch pinch.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-06-21 18:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh it's still there.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89441
oh, and for the record, THIS is how emo is done: http://www.ubersite.com/m/89476
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2006-06-21 17:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm liking what everyone has to say. And that "root to tip" line was supposed to make you think of dick, actually. The whole thing's pretty much about dick. And pussy. And that sort of thing.
I am by no stretch of the imagination a virgin. Only had sex in altered states a couple of times. Interesting. I am indeed in college, a junior, pretty fluffy, occasionally hippie-ish. The real world's slowly jamming its way into me. Yes, like a penis.
And normally I'm not touchy about criticism at all. It was criticism coming from someone who wrote a "goatse" parody of this, that bothered me. Nice to see that that got taken off.
Have fun...
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-06-21 16:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ouch
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was in the mood for simplicity yesterday. Reading it today, I enjoy it...but not as much as I did the day before. Funny how that happens.
Thanks for the endorsement, Jonny, cause goddamn I loves me some Tragickal Hatery.
I should do a full-on Elizabethan drama parody and not just a scene like that.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"From root to tip, let me feel you"
that line right there made me think of penis.
i think it had a little too much repetition and it makes me think you're kinda like a college freshman hippy type who hasn't had a sense of reality jammed into her yet. very wispy and kinda full of fluff.
it also makes me think you're a virgin or were always very i guess altered when you had sex.
or a dendrophiliac.
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-06-21 04:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
eat me
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-06-21 02:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"I am bamboo, who will never break
because she bends."
Great line, that.
---
I thought it was the worst in a long series of bad ones.
Well ok not quite the worst:
"Dance with me. Play with me. Sing through me.
Relax - then gather yourself again."
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-20 21:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, you have approval from our poet laureate. That's a start. And yes, read as JonnyX commands.
I'm a little torn here. I like the simplicity, but it's almost too simple for my taste. Worth the read, though.
"I am bamboo, who will never break
because she bends."
Great line, that.
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-06-20 21:31:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And for pete's sake...
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:10:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Constructive commentary...
...
That being said, I think you're trying too hard to sound like Roger fucking Ebert. There wasn't really a template. I'm not too sure you have any idea what I was trying to get across. I did say constructive commentary, but I'm not too inclined to take advice from someone who, probably while giggling like a schoolgirl, wrote a fart humor parody about it. Thanks anyway.
_______
When it comes to constructive commentary, it doesn't matter what you think - it's the word of the critics, you touchy asshole. Let the critic give their opinion (that's a key word) about your shit-work, and then nod and say "Thank you, I will try harder next time."
Dumb bitch.
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-06-20 21:27:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Go dance in the breezy ruins under the midnight moon, you dumb bitch.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are the wind beneath my farts.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gaby, read this
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83547
by O-tron
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
D-PRIME MADNESS ROUND 1 --> http://www.ubersite.com/m/89428
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:40:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A carbon met a second carbon trav'ling to the heart
Said the carbon to the carbon, "It's Freedom's path you'll start!"
Said the carbon to the carbon, "I know not of this road."
The carbon smirked, "My choice, not yours, now vacate your abode!"
Said the carbon to the carbon, "I carry someone's life!"
The second carbon said, "That one has hand upon my knife."
The carbon in the blade had voice in which all others drowned
And carbon in the blood was lost upon the dusty ground.
Burma-shave.
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know, right? I'm going to go cuddle with my boyfriend now. I've been ignoring him in favor of Fungah. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Later ubersite
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:34:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck it. Have this meaningless rating here.
I'm going home to drink and sit on my nice patio. I'll probably open a nice bottle of wine. A Cabernet Sauvignon. I DO love a good dry red. Really I do. Maybe I'll have that nice Cambodian girl deliver some food to me. Who knows, the possibilities are endless, aren't they?
I think I'll buy some new shoes this week.
Maybe I'll go to the Farmers Market. That's always nice.
What I won't do is sit on the fucking internet.
This is a shitty review. But I can do that around here. It's the rules.
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Jonny, will do.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2006-06-20 17:57:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Go ahead, keep -2'ing me. You seem to think I'm actually going to get upset by it, and that's pretty amusing.
JonnyX, I think I'm in love with you.
-----
Take a number, babe - Poetry is the hardest thing to do around here.
Check out Orgasmatron's posts - that's the gold standard around here.
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:27:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Awesome
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83028
Here Fungah and other person I don't know or care about. This will help you.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I had an exam on The Tempest today. +1 as it went well and I liked this
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I really REALLY hate poetry, its the lowest form of entertainment bar mime and magic.
And as much as I hate poetry, I REALLY hated this.
Why does it have to be fucking depressing?!
THE HAPPY BUNNYS GO FLOP FLOP FLOP a happy joy lovliness poem by TTOM
See the happy bunnys
they go flop flop flop
see their ears a-bouncing
as they hop hop hop
watch them eat the carrots
from the shop shop shop
watch the farmer as he skins them
from the top top top
oh...um...well, it just looks like thats what happen to poetry, sorry I guess.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Forthcoming is how to win ANY argument or confrontation on the internet.
I am a lobster.
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Constructive commentary...
I found the imagery to be weak, the entire thing seemed forced, I think you're trying too hard to make it fit into the template you've set up for it, I think with a poem lacking any kind of stringent rhyming scheme like this you shouldn't be afraid to experiment with amorphous or nonexistent meters, I think they would fit the tone of what you were trying to get across better.
That being said, I think you're trying too hard to sound like Roger fucking Ebert. There wasn't really a template. I'm not too sure you have any idea what I was trying to get across. I did say constructive commentary, but I'm not too inclined to take advice from someone who, probably while giggling like a schoolgirl, wrote a fart humor parody about it. Thanks anyway.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Constructive commentary...
I found the imagery to be weak, the entire thing seemed forced, I think you're trying too hard to make it fit into the template you've set up for it, I think with a poem lacking any kind of stringent rhyming scheme like this you shouldn't be afraid to experiment with amorphous or nonexistent meters, I think they would fit the tone of what you were trying to get across better.
That said, I still think this sucks.
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Woooo Tommy reference
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, Fungah, I realize that. Just not particularly concerned about the score. More worried about people who actually have something constructive to say. Off with you.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-06-20 18:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
See me,
Feel me,
Touch me,
Heal me.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-06-20 17:59:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't remember inferring any kind of upset.
It's just a -2 don't take it so personally.
You realize they don't keep adding onto your score right?
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-20 17:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Zero because I am a linkwhore...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89428
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2006-06-20 17:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go ahead, keep -2'ing me. You seem to think I'm actually going to get upset by it, and that's pretty amusing.
JonnyX, I think I'm in love with you.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-06-20 17:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
now I never said I hated you.
Submitted by Nie_ein_Engel (user info) at 2006-06-20 17:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fungah hates me. Apparently a story about an emo killing herself was too emo for him. Boo fucking hoo.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-20 17:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved this.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-06-20 17:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
In regards to my rating, see the post located directly above.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-06-20 17:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not a fan of this one.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-20 17:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I COMING FOR YOU
I A MUTHAFLUCKIN PANDA BEAR
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-20 17:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SHOW ME YOUR CUNT