Hat sodomy. (978 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.66 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Siren© (View user info) at 2006-06-20 22:41:52 EDT
I haven't written on here in a while. I'm very old and boring. But something odd happened to me today. I had an encounter that I believe was way uber worthy. It was no major deal, I suppose. No life changes, no mind bending events... I'm not even sure why I'm sharing it other than *gulp* I have been violated!
I was late for work this morning. It usually takes me around 30 minutes to get there, but on this particular day, it took me an hour and 20 minutes. I-95 was backed up for my entire drive. So, my day was already crap. Since I work in a hotel, it only got crappier. Enough- onto the reveal!
All I wanted was to go home, eat dinner, watch some tube, and crash. Going home was taking just as long as getting to work. City traffic was tight. I was at stoplights for 5 minutes or longer waiting patiently for the traffic cops to give me the go ahead. One of the stoplights is in front of the hotel I used to work at. There is almost always someone out front that I wave to. Today followed suit. Our chef, Kelly, was there and came running to my car. I rolled down my window to more easily speak to him. He was wearing a baseball cap.
"Holly girl! What's up baby!?!"
"Kelly, what's going on?"
Just then, he lunged into my car window to give me a hug.
Ok folks, don't ever do this. It's awkward and stupid. Physical greetings, sharing photos, exchanging phone numbers and other what-have-yous do not belong in the middle of the street during Baltimore rush hour. Unless you are a very talented prostitute. I learned my lesson. I am no talented prostitute.
When Kelly went in for a hug, I was about to say something like "It's so good to see you!" But I didn't get to finish. Somehow, the bill of his baseball cap went right into my mouth sideways, painfully stretching one cheek. He didn't even notice.
Imagine this. You are a fish. You are caught by a fisherman. That's it.
The hat stayed on his head for the most part. It was just a little tilted. I didn't mention it. It could've been the shock. The light turned green and I just drove home wondering what the hell had just happened. I wondered if he noticed, too. He could've noticed and played it cool like I did. Or maybe later, he noticed drool all over his hat. I don't know.
All I know is, I think I'm having some rape victim symptoms. I don't really want to tell my friends and family for fear that they would view me differently. I can't tell my boyfriend. He'd never want to kiss me again after knowing another man's bill was forcefully thrust into my mouth. I probably won't press charges; I'm pretty sure it was an accident. Maybe I was hugging too high... maybe he slipped. I was probably giving him mixed signals. Oh, god, what if it happens again!?!?! I can't live like this!!!! No one should ever have to live like this!! Aaaaah!
So anyway, in case you haven't seen it, Nacho Libre is a definite Netflixer. Nothing personal, just trying to help. Save your $9.
User Reviews
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-06-22 00:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha...he SO did it on purpose...sick bastard
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-06-22 00:09:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your title is a good name for a band.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-21 15:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
get that tested
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-21 10:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think Jack Black is funny in any way, shape or form.
I think he looks like a dickhead and his humor is that of Gilbert Gottfried post-lobotomy.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-06-21 10:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it when people recount real moments in life like this. it's what it is all about.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-21 09:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want that hat...
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-06-21 09:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"He'd never want to kiss me again after knowing another man's bill was forcefully thrust into my mouth."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I too, have been violated by the bills of caps on numerous occassions. I understand how truly painful it is.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-06-21 09:34:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-06-21 09:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-06-21 07:56:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
Danger, how you is? I miss you, but I don't have time to be on aim much anymore. Hope you're doing ok.
Hi c1ndy!
Hi rad!
----------------
old and boring. and tired. The World Cup is on and I'm not the spring chicken I was four years ago. Time zones are crap. When we host The World Cup one day it's gonna be tops because not only will we get to qualify again but I will be able to ring in sick for a month and take my great grand children to the games but I'll have to dress up like a bandicoot or something which will be okay because the off season is our winter and I won't like sweat to death and if my boss is kicking back in his office with his feet on his desk watching it he might think "wow that character in the bandicoot costume with Danger's great grand children sure is whacky imagine a bandicoot costume... crazy.. I wonder how Ranger's going with his debilitating illness I'd call him and give him an update if he was able to get to his phone what a trooper get better Danger I'll hold the fort."
That's how I am.
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-06-21 08:37:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-21 08:07:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nice
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-06-21 08:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was crackin'.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-06-21 07:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Danger, how you is? I miss you, but I don't have time to be on aim much anymore. Hope you're doing ok.
Hi c1ndy!
Hi rad!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-06-21 06:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
manys the day Ive sat in a darkened room perusing hat porn
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-21 04:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BRING BACK IHAKF!!! (and K too)
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-06-21 04:35:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2006-06-21 04:24:56 (#)
Ranking: 1
It's only sodomy if the hat went in your arse? shirley?
=========================
sodomy is any non-vaginal sexual penetration.
also
you need to take another 2 year vacation from ubersite PAS.
your boyfried IHAKF left, why can't you?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-21 04:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-06-21 04:25:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2006-06-21 04:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's only sodomy if the hat went in your arse? shirley?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-21 03:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-06-21 02:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe
Hello Siren!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-06-21 00:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This really left me wanting more.
And I agree about Nacho Libre.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-06-21 00:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
let's hear it for old and boring!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-06-20 23:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are very old and boring/
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-06-20 23:10:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hawt