Crowd on Their Feet (600 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.15 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (View user info) at 2006-06-21 09:29:11 EDT
D-Prime Madness round 1 contest link: http://www.ubersite.com/m/89324
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As he stepped into view of the teeming crowd, the people leapt to their feet in unison, erupting in a deafening cry. He raised a hand in acknowledgement, and immediately the mob grew respectfully silent, anticipating his every move.
He was the most recognized face of his day, and the fans knew him better than any other living legend. Dark hair, well-groomed, and a lean, muscular frame - the envy of every red-blooded male. His power and stature served to magnify his uniqueness even moreso against the common man.
Gazing across the sea of people, a serene look filled his eyes as the warmth of acceptance and peace filled his heart. This was the rush that he so enjoyed. This was the moment that he had yearned for since childhood. Undoubtedly, he was a savior to the people, and he was fully aware of his place in their ranks.
As the seconds ticked by on the clock, a delirious spectator belted out, "Hurry up and make your play!", throwing a bottle in frustration. Less than a minute and a single glare later, security dragged him away, kicking and screaming as he disappeared into a dark alcove.
Staring at the crowd on their feet in front of him, a glaze passed over his eyes for a moment, as if waiting for a divine message to tell him what to do. After a few moments, he had finally made up his mind.
He turned to Rudolf, snapped "Gas 'em," and stepped into his car, speeding away from Auschwitz as the cyanide started to waft down from the ceilings.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-24 15:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good.
Disregard the "literary critic" below. He's a wannabe.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-23 15:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uno punto dos para ti, muchacho.
I don't know if it the brevity of this, having Hitler say "Gas 'em," or something else, but I didn't really feel this from start to finish. You did have me thinking about football for most of it, though, I'll give you that.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-23 15:36:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-06-22 21:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hitler went to one of the Auschwitz camps?
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-06-22 01:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't like it. Sorry.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-06-21 23:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-21 16:12:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
have a+2 to neutralize this idiot.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-21 23:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sometimes it's tough to write fiction this short and make it effective. You pulled it off, man. Yeah.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-21 16:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
have a+2 to neutralize this idiot.
Submitted by ThoreauMe (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This is kinda stupid. The bare bones idea could have been executed much better, and there is probably something there. But this ain't it.
Are you even aware of where this particular camp was, and the surrounding topography and population?
The anachronistic language was a cheat, also. It would have been more difficult to surprise the reader had you not used it.
And thus, a more satisfying reveal.
That was probably on purpose, but it still weakened it overall, for me.
An interesting nugget of an idea, lazily executed.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-06-21 10:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep. Good post.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-06-21 10:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-06-21 10:44:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Otherwise, pretty solid.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-06-21 10:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So, I guess that part was a little too convenient to add to the trickery.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-06-21 10:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think someone would throw a bottle at Hitler and tell him to hurry up.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-06-21 10:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great idea, but more space between post & pic would have had more effect. great idea though. Reminds me of Roald Dahl's short story Genesis & Catastrophe.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-21 09:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time you should put some whitespace between the pic and the end of the post...
I could see the swastica(sp?) before I finished reading.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-21 09:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-06-21 09:40:46 (#)
Ranking: 1
Why do shower heads have 6 holes?
Because Jews only have 5 fingers.
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BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Although, he should have said 'Gas Zem'
Good post.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-06-21 09:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why do shower heads have 6 holes?
Because Jews only have 5 fingers.
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-06-21 09:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Truly didn't see that coming. Well done.