I Am Woman, Hear Me Blubber Inconsolably. (1435 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.73 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Teephphah (View user info) at 2006-06-21 11:33:07 EDT
Let's see . . . today is Wednesday . . .
Father's Day was last Sunday. That's like three days ago. Which means that this post is not even remotely current, relevant or interesting.
Yeah?
Well that's how I'm going to beat Them. Always keep 'em guessing. Never let 'em know what I'm gonna do. See?
I'm always one step ahead. By being three days behind.
Yeah.
That's right.
Think about it.
Anyway, this is a link to one of my posts that may or may not be relevant to the thing below. It's about how cool it is to be a parent, but how much I hate playing trains with my kid.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85374
I take it back. I take it all back.
User Reviews
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2006-07-13 01:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-06-23 12:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
G-H-E-Y
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-22 11:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's the small things that define life
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-06-22 10:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very cute but for some reason this made me think of a friend I had growing up. Her dad decided he was more womanly than manly so he got a sex change. Whenever someone made fun of her dad she'd always say "my dad is one tough lady. I bet she could beat up your dad while wearing a skirt and high heels."
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2006-06-21 19:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got a note from my oldest son (8 yrs old) Sunday,
"Thanks Dad for taking me hunting and fishing on the Oregon coast,
Thanks for playing Basketball with me,
Can you teach me to play electric guitar
Love You Dad, Justin. "
I got pretty good and teary eyed. It's little momest like that that make some
of the crap we go through alright. Being unconditionally loved and appreciated is an awesome feeling.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-06-21 15:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
substitute "trains" with "naked" and you've got my father's day gift!
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-06-21 15:10:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your son has astounding penmanship. You should weep!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-06-21 14:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PubertIES. My god, I am the king of spoonerisms.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-06-21 14:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DID I NOT OFFER TO TELL YOU HOW TO MOUNT AN ARCHIMEDES DEATH RAY TO A LAPTOP COMPUTER WITH PARTS YOU CAN GET FROM RADIO SHACK??????????????!!!!!!!!
Oh sure, you say, you don't need it NOW, but how about when that daughter of yours hits puberties and all the little perverts come calling?
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-06-21 14:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:21:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:38:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
I WISH I WASNT STERILE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOU'RE STERILE?!! YOU NEED TO LEIK CALL ME AND STUF!
===
WHY? ARE YOU GOING TO CURE ME, OR JUST HAVE LOADS OF UNPROTECTED SEX?!?!?! EITHER WAY, EMAIL ME
spectmeister.at.gmail.com
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-06-21 14:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd e-mail you icky, but I don't think I have your address.
Shoot me a line at Teephphah.at.gmail.com (I'm so creative) and I'll see what I can do.
BUT THE SOLICITATIONS FOR FREE LEGAL ADVICE HAD BETTER STOP.
I'd have a practical cottage industry going if I were billing for helping any of you losers.
THIS IS THE LAST(-ish) TIME!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-06-21 14:09:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Teeph,
ETS ALSO blubbers inconsolably.
Also, it's a really cool card (I also like trains), but STOP BEING SO SMUG ABOUT HOW PROUD YOU ARE TO BE A FATHER! IT'S NOT LIKE THE REST OF US NON-PARENTS COULDN'T PRODUCE PERFECT CHILDREN WHO WOULD EXCEL IN EVERYTHING IF WE TRIED! WE JUST WANT TO KEEP TRAFFIC DOWN AND ALSO TAKE CARE OF OUR MANY CATS WHO SEND US E-CARDS ON FATHER"S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@
Oh, and could you email me please? I have a legal matter of pressing importance.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's lovely.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:05:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:44:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
A canoe and a blowjob.
..................................
DON'T GO FOR A BLOWJOB IN A CANOE....IT NEVER TURNS OUT WELL.
======
I disagree. It can be done.
Very sweet, Teeph.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:38:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
I WISH I WASNT STERILE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOU'RE STERILE?!! YOU NEED TO LEIK CALL ME AND STUF!
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwwhh. You seem like a pretty awesome dad.
Of course that myth will be exploded as soon as the FBI releases the tapes, but hey, good for you.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Badass - You win. (Assuming your WIFE provided the BJ.) My wife fucked up. She asked me what I wanted and I was all, "oh, you know, nothing . . . we're buying the house and all, just take whatever you would have spent on me and put it in savings."
AND SHE FUCKING DID IT.
Bitch.
Wait . . . did I really do that?
Oh God . . . It's worse than I thought.
I really AM a chick!
Person X: Teeph, what's wrong?
Me: Nothing. (taps foot angrily)
Person X: Are you sure? Because you seem mad?
Me: Oh. Yeah. Sure. I'm FINE.
Person X: Okay then. (whistles happily)
Me: WE NEVER TALK ANYMORE!!!!!! (cries)
Person X: I'm afraid you're going to have to turn in your testicles next time you're at Home Depot.
Me: (sobbing) Fine, fine, WHATEVER! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
Person X: Okay.
Me: HOLD ME, DAMN IT!
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hang on to that card because a
few years from now when he tells you
he got the neigborhood skank preggers
you'll want to stare at it and
remember how life used to be...
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:05:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:44:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
A canoe and a blowjob.
..................................
DON'T GO FOR A BLOWJOB IN A CANOE....IT NEVER TURNS OUT WELL.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-06-21 13:01:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A canoe and a blowjob.
I love you teephphphphphaphapha
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your secret is safe with me.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:30:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:23:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
If I posted this, it would be slammed.
________________________________________________
That's because if you were getting shit for Father's Day, people would realize that you were really a man.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Exactly. Lets keep that between the two of us!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:23:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
If I posted this, it would be slammed.
________________________________________________
That's because if you were getting shit for Father's Day, people would realize that you were really a man.
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:35:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
what does "play trains" mean?
PHALLIC REFERENCE, MAYBE?!
.........................................
Trains.....tunnels......get it?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and your son has really good handwriting.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:23:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I posted this, it would be slammed.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:21:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Collin"
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man that gift blows.
I got my dad a DVD, at least he knew what to use it for.
Your kid hates you.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-21 12:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome, pedophilia is cool too.
Submitted by polymorph505 (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:57:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I Am Woman, Hear Me Blubber Inconsolably.
God damn that was funny, now to read the post...
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
On Father's Day, my wife's mom told me I was a great dad.
It made my day. My week, even.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Playing trains? Teephphah, I thought you were anti-child-rape?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suppose when I have ill-gotten kids of my own I'll understand.
+2 for trains.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:52:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:41:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
yet we're all glad you are!
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Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:38:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
I WISH I WASNT STERILE
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nice snap, girlie!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
are you the 'engine' or the 'caboose'? any cars in the middle?
sorry I hate to admit it's the first thing I thought of too. it must be this place.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:52:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Men love trains, fag.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
GRRRRRR@inion
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf, a kid didn't even write that card
Submitted by v8lover (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you're supposed to put a joint in it and then put it down while you chill. That way you don't have to hold your joint all the time, freeing up a hand for a bottle of whiskey or a razor to cut up your cocaine.
I'm sure this is what your six year old son had in mind when he made it.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your son has fat fingers.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:41:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yet we're all glad you are!
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I WISH I WASNT STERILE
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwwwww! That's so cu---
Wait a minute... What the hell is this ghey-ass happy horseshit, Nancy?
No, seriously, that's cute and sweet as hell.
fag
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul - You watch too much porn. Stop touching your penis.
hour man - :D
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice card.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Deserves a +1. SO i will +2 you to = +1 :D
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not really interested. Glad you had a good day though.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-21 11:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what does "play trains" mean?
PHALLIC REFERENCE, MAYBE?!