Craigslist.com: Free Mogwai to Good Home (1274 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.56 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wildcat (View user info) at 2006-06-22 13:28:29 EDT
I'd finally grown tired of screwing the 419 scammers. So, this morning I sat trying to figure out something fun to do with correspondence on the internet. I'm in and out of the office throughout the day, I needed something I could do at my leisure.
Enter Cragslist.com
I sat debating putting up a used condom in the Free section before it hit me. Something reeking of ambiguity and half truth. Something too easily believable. Something to bait the mass of morons I'm positive exist in my region of the state.
Here are the two posts I made, one for the Pets Section, one for the Free section.
"Free Mogwai to Good Home (No Adoption Fee Required)
We are currently fostering two of these cute creatures for a local animal shelter that can't provide proper care for them. They look like a combination between an Uakari monkey and a Sugar Glider. They eat pretty much what ever you give them, i.e. Cheetos, Nachos, Hot Dogs, Fruit, Babies, whatever. They weigh a little over 4 pounds each and sleep a lot. They have a natural nesting instinct so keep them away from pillows and the like because they might rip into the pillows in order to use the filling for their nest.
Three things to know before you contact me though:
1) They are light sensitive because their natural habitat is the dark floor of the jungles in Africa.
2) They are water sensitive and prefer dust bathes and the like. Water can wash away natural oils and screw with their mating season pheromones.
3) Don't feed them after midnight. This is to keep them in a schedule with human habits, otherwise they would raid the fridge all night if you let them.
We need to find a good home for these fuzz balls as soon as possible though. Please email me if you are interested. Thank you."
And
" Free Exotic Pet to Good Home
I recently took in a Mogwai from a local animal shelter that they just couldn't provide the proper care for. Since I already foster several nocturnal animals I don't have room for this bundle of energy. He's a little more than 4 lbs in weight and sheds his coat twice a year. He's very good with children as mine found and loves playing hide and seek type games.
A couple of things you should know before you consider adoption:
1.) He's water sensitive as it washes away his natural oils. He prefers a dry bath.
2.) He's light sensitive because his natural habitat is the dense, dark jungle of South America.
3.) Feeding him after midnight is not recommended because he's trained to follow human habits at this point.
There's no adoption fee. You just have to have an iguana size cage for him and plenty of junk food to help teach him tricks. Right now, I can get him to do back flips off of my living room wall for some cheetos. The crunchy kind of course, not the puffy kind.
Only serious inquiries need email me. Thank you"
These are the priceless emails I received:
Brandy S writes:
Good afternoon. I saw the ad for the Mogwai. I am very interested to know more about this animal. If you have a spare moment I would love to speak to you about him. I am looking for a companion but do not have the room for a dog at this point. I work full time during the day and am at home mostly every night of the week. I tried looking him up on the internet but could not find anything. If you could please email me back at your earliest convenience or give me a call at 757-717-8139.
Thanks!
Brandy
----------------------------
Davis W writes:
Is that the correct spelling of the name?? What kind of stuff would I need to get for them?? I would love to adopt them. My number is (edited). Thanks.....Will
-----------------------------------
Angela K write:
LMAO I dunno what to believe...
Only because... My first instinct is like... wtf is
this, some kid screwing off... but then i cant say
that because, im not a zoologist...
but ummm i searched it online, and it only refferences
to the movie Gremlins, so if you can send me a REAL
pic, id believe you. As cool
as that would be, because I grew up wanting a Gizmo
-----------------------------
Lauri P. writes:
do you still have him or her? i would love to take it off your hands..
i love all types of anaimls.. i used to have sugar gliders and
chinchillas and now i have sphynx hairless cats. hehe
The excited little bitch writes minutes later:
i just email you but i dont know if that one went through. if it did i
am sorry i am sending one again :)
i was wondering if you still have it and if you do could i come today
or tomorrow to get it?
do you have a pic of it by any chance? thanks
------------------------------
Finally, Jessica writes:
Do you have any pictures it and also was wondering if you could give me some more info on it... thank you so much...jessica
-------------------------------
Is it just me or does the offer of free shit really drag in the retards?
Here's the picture I sent them all. Un-fucking-believable. I'm still getting emails about the adoption of the mogwai. Jesus, these people are sad.
User Reviews
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2007-11-11 13:22:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lol did you randomly pick that first phone number out because i know a brandy and that is her real number... if she responded to that im going to ridicule her for eternity
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-11-11 13:16:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahaha
backflips for cheetos!
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-11-11 12:50:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by bruzwuld (user info) at 2007-11-11 12:24:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by URMY_bitch (user info) at 2006-08-12 10:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-06-25 00:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-23 09:49:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
You ARE a loser.
I AM a WINNER.
I must have missed all your calls to my work this week, shitspot.
-=-=-=-=-=--==--==--==-
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72166
Submitted by soccer (user info) at 2006-06-25 00:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You edited one phone number, but not the other one?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-23 13:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I "clinged to Mrs. Shlongy" while seeing Cracker last night in Savannah, and I'm heading to Charleston to see Warped Tour on Monday, too.
How pathetic of me to "cling to my youth". Why don't you cling on down to Charleston and let me put a Doc Martin up your ass?
LOOOOOO ser.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-06-23 12:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaahahahaa! wildcat was ACTUALLY funny! good job!
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-23 12:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What you are is a has-been and never-will-be. You're an old, old man still clinging to his youth (see: Rancid hat photo).
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-23 09:49:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You ARE a loser.
I AM a WINNER.
I must have missed all your calls to my work this week, shitspot.
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2006-06-23 09:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-23 09:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you fucking serious? As much as you tell everyone else that they are a loser, I'd have to say you're are the biggest loser around. How old are you again? Riiiiiiiight.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-23 08:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey, shitstain. Wax my car.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-06-23 05:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Close enough.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-06-23 05:11:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bloody link
http://tinyurl.com/m8z4t
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-06-23 05:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.worth1000.com/entries/ 73000/73453RXaw_w.jpg
You never know.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-06-22 20:30:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart,
could you please take down my girlfriends phone number from this post?
Thank you
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-06-22 19:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me convinced for a moment there, too.
Shit, do I feel dumb.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-22 17:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy stop calling me I don't want to have to take the phone off the hook
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-06-22 17:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stop calling me, Shlongy.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-06-22 17:19:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, that's a pretty good idea.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-06-22 17:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking with stupid people
AUTO +2
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-22 16:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Huh? Anyway, you're a smug little douche. Die. Tomorrow. ASAP.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-22 16:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What have I ever done on Uber that would lead even a total fucking retard like you to believe that I would email or call anyone here?
Are you TRYING to be this fucking stupid or does it just come naturally, JimBob?
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-22 16:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not quite, bitch. You're the type that would respond to something like this with a sarcastic email, thus continuing the circle of retardation.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-22 16:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes, these people are retards and it is very sad.
The good news in all of this is that you fit right in with them.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-06-22 16:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mogwai@Work
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-22 16:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd take a free gizmo furby. those things are unholy and godless and kinda fun to scare babies with.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-22 15:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm wondering if any of these people turned to a co-worker after emailing me and asked them what they know about mogwais. The answers have got to be just as funny as the emails I'm getting.
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2006-06-22 15:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as hell that people (even if they haven't seen Gremlins) don't do any research. Even more amazing that that chick still believes it and knows what it's from. Sad
LGF
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-06-22 15:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is the funniest post i've seen on this website in a long time.
nice thinking.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-06-22 15:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-06-22 14:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should send each of them a furby in a live animal box. Old furby- not new furby.
They are obviously too stoned to notice a difference.
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2006-06-22 14:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant!!!!!
hahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-06-22 14:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dang
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-22 14:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually they have to be neutered AND spayed because they reproduce Asexually. Unfortunately, you'll have to bear this expense.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-06-22 14:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are they neutered? If not, will you cover expenses???
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-06-22 14:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just visited craigslist for the first time in forever, and I see they've changed a few things. Like when you click on a state, you then click on your respective area. I love how for NJ it says "New Jersey" and "South Jersey". Why not "New Jersey" and "North Jersey"? Everyone hates NNJ people, separate THEM! OR better yet, "North Jersey" and "South Jersey".
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-22 14:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's another email I just received:
"Do you still have it? Does it need special permitting? Do they bite? How old are they?
Thanks
Suzanne W"
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-22 13:57:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O, looks like your links were taken down
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-22 13:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
surprising that this doesn't have reference to homosexuality, penises and the like.
perhaps you've grown past your inner obsession.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-06-22 13:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*shakes head* People are even dumber than I thought possible
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-22 13:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No fucking shit, I just received an email from a lady that works in the building right fucking behind mine. What a moron for emailing me using her work email.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-22 13:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahhahahahha.
i <3 RE: tards.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-06-22 13:43:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-22 13:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's awesome, but you realize now that there's also a link to uber if they google it. I notice that you live in the VA beach, Hampton Roads area, perhaps you already told me in a previous post about a paddy wagon.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-06-22 13:42:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great!
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-22 13:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://norfolk.craigslist.org/pet/174191090.html
http://norfolk.craigslist.org/zip/174209897.html
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-22 13:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-06-22 13:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha nice
You should link to the ad so that we can get it in Best of CL