Fuck David Koch (1347 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Paul_Monroe (View user info) at 2006-06-23 06:27:00 EDT
Okay, if you are not an Aussie, this may not appeal to you, but trust me with a bit of background you will come to the conclusion that David Koch is a fuckwit.
Who is David Koch? Excellent question - basically he is a financial commentator that crossed to breakfast television - specifically to host Channel 7's breakfast show 'Sunrise'. The show features him and a really fucking stupid blonde slut (who is not even hot - easy way to lose the early morning wood) keeping Australians up to date with the latest news and current affairs. Channel 7 have really 'dumbed down' the format to make it more appealing to scumbag Aussies with redneck IQ's, and David Koch even calls himself 'Kochie' now to make himself more accessible to the good old Aussie larrikin yellow toothed convict heritage culture.
But its not all bad! Oh no - People write into the show to share 'jokes' I use the term jokes very loosely as its really hard to tell the punchline. These jokes are so popular, Kochie has released a book chock full of them, heres the blurb:
Bright and early each week day more and more people, young and old, across Australia, in the cities and remote bush, are starting the day with Kochie's joke of the day on Sunrise. Most jokes in Kochie's Jokes are contributions by those early-morning viewers who organise their before-work schedules around the 6.30am time-slot. There are jokes for everyone, from blondes to brunettes, from Kiwis to the Irish, from heaven to hell. There's even a sealed section too `hot' to unleash on an audience immersed in their breakfast cereal. Kochie says, `One joke a day, every day, is all it takes to keep the blues away! It's not only good for the soul, it's good for everyone around you. A seriously good laugh is seriously contagious.' There's even an intriguing section of things you never knew you needed to know!
Well FUCK ME! How do I order a copy?
This post may seem a little one sided towards the 'Kochie is a fuckwit' side of things, so to make things more balanced I'll put up the program synopsis for you:
Sunrise screens weekdays between 6am-9am
with Kochie and Mel tackling the issues that matter and aiming to give viewers a voice by using talkback television.
Like talkback radio, our viewers set the news agenda of the day by getting their point straight to air by email, SMS or conventional mail.
Some of the issues raised are written on a whiteboard on set - the ROSwall (Responses of Sunrisers Wall) - then Kochie and Mel chase the story and seek appropriate action on behalf of the audience.
In this era of breaking news, Sunrise uses a constant news and weather ticker to report the latest headlines. In a much copied first for commercial television in Australia, the ticker runs news headlines from across the world across the bottom of the screen for a constant three hours.
Sunrise has a stable of regular guests unlike any other news program on television. All are experts in their field. The line-up includes Foreign Affairs Editor Dr Keith Suter, Medical Editor Dr John D'Arcy and Sunrise Vet Rachele Lowe.
Our mission at Sunrise is to deliver a balanced breakfast. News and information combined with entertainment and humour. It's the perfect way to start your day.
Hmmmmm.... I have a few problems with this -
Firstly 'tackling the issues that matter' - These guys tackle such important issues as 'whats really in your snags?' (Aussie speak for sausages), 'insurance salesmen preying on pensioners' and 'What does the colour of your car say about your personality'. Hey Kochie? What does the fat cock in your ass say about your sexuality you smug fuck?
Secondly "Some of the issues raised are written on a whiteboard on set - the ROSwall" Oh man! Is that a play on words - you know ROSWELL? Area 51? But I wonder - Are the issues on par with the Amercian governments cover up of UFO's in the Nevada desert? Lets see what was on this week:
3.Sally from WA wants to know if you can return shoes that give you blisters?
Under the fair trading act, the shoes need to be faulty. You not (sic) automatically entitled to a refund.
4. Robyn from Victoria wants to know if you're allowed to get engaged if you're still legally married?
Michael Kuzilney says there is nothing in the Family Law act that prevents you getting engaged while you're still legally married.
Hey I have a question - If Sally and Robyn are so fucking stupid that they cannot work out the above 'problems' for themselves HOW THE FUCK DID THEY MANAGE TO WRITE/EMAIL OR PHONE YOU ASSHATS TO FIND OUT FOR THEM?
ANSWER THAT YOU CUNTS.
'Kochie and Mel chase the story and seek appropriate action on behalf of the audience.' ITS CALLED GOOGLE YOU FUCKWITS.
Thirdly "Sunrise uses a constant news and weather ticker to report the latest headlines. In a much copied first for commercial television in Australia"
Oh man! So I have you pricks to thank for that annoying Bloomberg style ticker? And you guys invented it? Oh wait EVERY OTHER COUNTRY INCLUDING POLAND HAD IT FIRST AND ALL THOSE COUNTRIES RESIDENTS HATE IT, BUT YOU DECIDED TO INFLICT THE ANNOYING SCROLLING TEXT ON US?
THANKYOU.
And trust me guys I am not the only one who hates Koch in Australia - we have a group over here (The Chaser) who have a satirical show (and newspaper) similar to the Daily Show, They love pissing about with the sunrise team. Koch called a truce and invited one of the guys onto the show - I have the link here, please click on it - its worth it. Trust me.
When watching the link just remember that this show is live and Koch thinks he has beat the chaser boys by calling a truce and inviting them on the show.
If you are wondering about the laugh track its because this was lifted off the chasers program.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11AiLh55GaU&search=sunrise
User Reviews
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2006-10-24 00:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-10-21 01:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kochsucker
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ah fuck make up plus 2
million
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Make up PLUS 2
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Make up plus 2!
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:41:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OOOOPPPPPPSSSS
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-21 00:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who could forget Poland?
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-07 10:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because you didn't forget Poland.
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-17 23:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best Rant Ever
Submitted by wingester1 (user info) at 2006-08-09 02:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rocks it
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-07-05 12:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by nathwashere (user info) at 2006-07-05 12:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-07-05 12:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck Koch in his faggot ass
Submitted by Paul_Monroe (user info) at 2006-06-27 13:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-27 12:32:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved the nervous laughter at the end of that clip.
_________________
Yeah the clip is awesome, you have to remember this is the most watched program in the country in the morning, so its fucking hilarious
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-27 12:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved the nervous laughter at the end of that clip.
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-06-27 12:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its just a fucking awful show, plain and simple
Submitted by Paul_Monroe (user info) at 2006-06-26 15:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That bitch is always pregnant
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-06-24 11:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-23 15:48:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
UGG...that blonde chick has been beaten with an ugly stick..
I like the lot in the back ground there - is that PolyAJ behind Kochie?
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looks like the doctor from Lost.
Submitted by Paul_Monroe (user info) at 2006-06-23 23:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Spacegrass (user info) at 2006-06-23 08:48:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the link.
Question from the ignorant American. Do they show "live" shows on a 9 (ish) second delay so they can bleep out all those pesky curse words like they do in the States? Or are they secure enough in their parenting skills in Australia to accept that a child hearing the word "fuck" is not the end of civilization as we know it?
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Radio has a 6 sec delay over here, I am pretty sure TV has similar. I doubt whether this clip was shown in full but the chaser guys probably got a copy from an insider on the show...
www.chaser.com.au
They are quite funny, with a daily show format plus plenty of other hi jinks.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-06-23 19:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't posted since the last Ubermadness, but I really had to log in and plus two this post.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-23 15:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UGG...that blonde chick has been beaten with an ugly stick..
I like the lot in the back ground there - is that PolyAJ behind Kochie?
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-06-23 13:08:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck David Koch
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-06-23 09:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YEAH FUCK THAT KOCH BITCH, FUCK THAT KOCH!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-06-23 08:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you had me at 'Snags'
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-06-23 08:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more videos of you taking a dump.
Submitted by Spacegrass (user info) at 2006-06-23 08:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the link.
Question from the ignorant American. Do they show "live" shows on a 9 (ish) second delay so they can bleep out all those pesky curse words like they do in the States? Or are they secure enough in their parenting skills in Australia to accept that a child hearing the word "fuck" is not the end of civilization as we know it?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-06-23 08:29:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-23 08:19:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
That set up looks strangely similar to NBC's morning show in the US. Color scheme on the screen and all.
____________
and couches too!
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-23 08:19:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That set up looks strangely similar to NBC's morning show in the US. Color scheme on the screen and all.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-06-23 08:12:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're right, he's a douche and so are you for watching enough of it to know this.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-06-23 07:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is for the titular 'Fuck David Koch' - but not in his pooper.
Oh, and Bertram? It's fucking 'sentence', not 'sentance'. Use it in a... nevermind. Just write this a hundred times with your mouth Helen Keller,
"My parents were too busy defending the Kashmir with bolt action rifles to be deported for stealing a loaf of bread which wouldn't have happened anyhows on account of the need for shoulders to the wheel and bodies on the front and because our Paki bread comes in like a rounded shape and they have an oven and can make their own and wouldn't really need to steal it like some of those poor Irish kiddies that got like deported to Van Diemens Land like on a jail SENTENCE even.... but they would steal a horse...... and make a curry."
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-06-23 06:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We had Richard and Judy here in UK.
I think Richard at least know's that he is an Arse.
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2006-06-23 06:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck him.
What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
Full.