European Football Rocks American Ass (649 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -1.58 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wildcat (View user info) at 2006-06-24 22:28:31 EDT
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting here watching Gladiator with the king of douchebaggery, Russel Crowe. I've been drinking since 3pm. Watching Mexico lose to Argentina is enough to make a man drink, is it not?
The only CONCACAF team left representing our part of the world was given the boot by those assholes. This feeling in itself is interesting.
Many people here in the US believe the Mexicans shouldgo fuck themselves and work on their own economy and stop illegally crossing our borders and providing us with cheap illegal work. Then futbol comes into play.
I'm not one of the people that thinks the Mexicans should fuck off. I'm also not one of those people that are going to kiss the Mexicans' ass because they work so god damn hard. They do what they have to do to survice, we all do that. It's an expectation, is it not? They do work hard. They do the shit a lot of niggers, spics, crackers, red skins, and other bitches don't want to do. That's a fact.I can forget all the bullshit politics in the desert when football comes into play.
However, I'm faced with reality. The World Cup isn't something big in the US. It won't be for another 20 to 30 years simply because that's how long it will take for a proper generation to be raised and aclimated to the high pace of European football. Until then, I will support anyone from my side of the world. Mexico especially.
I mean come on, in 5 years half of our population will be Mexican. Why not support their football team? Why not send some money down there until our program catches up to help them out? Beckham and Renaldo have both said that the US is in their future. Until then, let's advocate for our brethren in the World Cup to win. Even if Mexico just got their ass beat in the elimination round.
So to finish it out I'll recap why a few sports suck around the world and why football is better.
America Football: Fat niggers are key in this sport. Fast niggers are key in the sport. Tall niggers are also key in this sport. Basically, a sport created for the southern-bred black male. We spent too many years breeding 'big' and 'powerful' into the picture to just turn them away from this opportunity.
American Basketbal: See above but include stereotypes about black criminals, tattoos, and stupid niggers. This sport makes it too fucking easy. Basically, anyone black in this sport in the US has a rap sheet. End of story.
Baseball: Most boring 'sport' in the history of anything. Watching two african witch doctors power lift boulders with testicle piercings is infinitely more profound.
Bowling: Fat assholes doing nothing. No one cares.
Poker: Not a sport. Only faggots and limp-dicked sissies consider this a sport.
Skateboarding/Surfing/Fishing/X games: Get a fucking job you fucking wannabe's. That's too fucking bad you couldn't make the football team but riding around on your piece of wood with wheels and doing gymnastics is still as gay as the guys that take it in the ass.
Wrestling/UFC/MMA/Pride: Can't say anything negative. I have a fight coming up in September. A vid will hopefully make its way onto the internet.
User Reviews
Submitted by URMY_bitch (user info) at 2006-08-12 10:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-06-26 17:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yep... you really are a faggot.
SOCCER is for fucking homos who love to grab each others asses every time someone scores a goal, then they have gigantic group orgies in the locker rooms afterwards.
And they're all fucking pussies who cry any time any of the opposition so much as touch them.
And then there's all that faggotty shit where they fall over on purpose and milk penalties.
Seriously, if you're gonna mock a bunch of sports as being "for pussies/homos", you cant start bleating about how great SOCCER is, cause it's the pussiest/faggottiest sport on the fucking planet.
I mean, I mostly agree with your mocking of american football/basketball/bowling etc... but X Sports? WHAT THE FUCK? ANY "action sport" takes about 50BILLION times more skill than fucking soccer, you wannabe mother fucker. And I can guarantee that the injuries are far worse than the bullshit injuries you get from SOCCER, asshat. I'm sorry, but sprained ankles and grass burns on your knees (from taking it up the ass on the pitch) dont even come close to the shit you get from something like snowboarding, and that is simply a FACT.
I bet a million bucks you're too much of a pussy to jump off a 30-40 metre cliff on a snowboard, homo.
You are the king of the gaylords.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-26 17:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
El Tri ALWAYS fucks up.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-26 09:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're so edgy and cool.
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, at least you didn't mention hockey. Most manly sport ever.
Although I'm going to friggin' kill Chris Pronger. Demand a trade, will you?
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:02:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-06-25 01:37:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
You are my hero, but I would really like to know why you slum and waste your time in this shithole?
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If it's not this shithole then it's another one.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-06-25 13:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-25 01:30:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, don't try to relate the NFL playbooks to football in europe. Fattened pieces of shit pervade the NFL. I hold no stock in someone utitilizes their bred characteristics to their advantage. Football takes skill. There are plenty of examples but the best one you can find on the internet with videos is Ronaldinho. The guy's got more talent in his left nut than you've got brains. The comparison doesn't even add up. So what if they memorize plays, they have to have dynamic, fluid plays in football that don't regularly require a stopage by the ref to set up the play.
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So basically what you're saying is Joe Montana, Barry Sanders, Jim Brown etc. are fattened pieces of shit without talent? And you are further sticking to your horribly misguided notion that football was created for black people who were still being used as slaves when the sport was invented? So in other words, in your opinion, any black person is capable of having a successful NFL career because NFL football does not require skill, only black skin? You sir are a racist and a dumbass.
Look at it this way, if you took a quality NFL halfback or wide out and stuck him in a soccer game, he could be good. He could be very good in fact. Take a soccer player and put him in the NFL, he would die. Literally. As in no pulse, someone find a body bag, he's starting to smell.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-25 11:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-25 11:28:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Just noticed the filename.
Still obsessed, are we?
Now if I was gay and cared about the Internet perhaps it would bother me but I find you more sad than anything else. Seriously man, you really come off as a weirdo with this OBVIOUS obsession with homosexuality of yours. And I'm not the only to think so.
You should check for help. For once, I'm not kidding.
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The best cure for homophobia is to drink bleach.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-25 11:28:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just noticed the filename.
Still obsessed, are we?
Now if I was gay and cared about the Internet perhaps it would bother me but I find you more sad than anything else. Seriously man, you really come off as a weirdo with this OBVIOUS obsession with homosexuality of yours. And I'm not the only to think so.
You should check for help. For once, I'm not kidding.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-25 11:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you forgot about hockey, which rules above all those aformentionned pussy sports...except fighting sports, of course.
Hockey is the perfect combination of finesse and brutality. I'm not saying so because I'm canadian, even europeans who moved here and used to swear only by soccer love it too.
-2 just because.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-06-25 10:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I know someone whose middle name is Bukkake.
I mean seriously, that's their legal middle name. Their parents have to be fucking satanists with a torture fetish to be that cruel
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-25 09:19:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How was your "Swanson Dinner for One" last night, chief?
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-06-25 01:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Whoopsi daisy!
Meant for ampersand, and not the other idiot.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-06-25 01:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are my hero, but I would really like to know why you slum and waste your time in this shithole?
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Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-25 01:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, don't try to relate the NFL playbooks to football in europe. Fattened pieces of shit pervade the NFL. I hold no stock in someone utitilizes their bred characteristics to their advantage. Football takes skill. There are plenty of examples but the best one you can find on the internet with videos is Ronaldinho. The guy's got more talent in his left nut than you've got brains. The comparison doesn't even add up. So what if they memorize plays, they have to have dynamic, fluid plays in football that don't regularly require a stopage by the ref to set up the play.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-06-25 01:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by soccer (user info) at 2006-06-25 00:20:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
There aren't any plays in soccer? huhwhat?
The cross that Borgetti flicked on to Mexico's captain who plastered it in the back of the net = play.
Have a short cross, it get flicked on by the best header on this hemisphere, and have a guy flashing around the back post to finish it.
ampersand you suck.
American Football and Basketball and Baseball can all be "dumbed down" and considered sports without plays as well.
go learn yourself, or something. .. ....
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Congratulations, you took one of the least meaningful sentences out of my review, misconstrued it (soccer does not have predefined plays in the sense that basketball or football do), and used it to illogically make a bad point. Yes, you can dumb down football basketball baseball or anything you want to, but to do so would completely change them (well granted, it wouldnt particularly change basketball which is almost certainly why basketball is more internationally popular then baseball or football. Which supports my point not yours). When I and a dozen some odd friends go in my back yard to play football it is so different from NFL football it hardly even qualifies as the same game. That is to say, we break fundamental rules of football in order to make it playable given our circumstances.
Soccer on the other hand has only one fundamental rule: don't touch it with your hands. I don't know how many people are on a soccer team but if you take that many amateurs they can play they game exactly as the pros do, only much much slower. And the don't have to be terribly bright to figure out how to play.
On the other hand, if you take an NFL playbook and hand it to the average citizen of a third world country they may as well just burn it as fuel because they arent going to understand it. And if you try to organize 22 of them into playing a legitimate (defining legitimate here as following *all* of the rules) game of football, well, good luck.
But if you want to boil it down to a petty and meaningless smear campaign, Ray Lewis could by himself beat the shit out of every soccer player in the world. Simultaneously.
Submitted by soccer (user info) at 2006-06-25 00:20:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There aren't any plays in soccer? huhwhat?
The cross that Borgetti flicked on to Mexico's captain who plastered it in the back of the net = play.
Have a short cross, it get flicked on by the best header on this hemisphere, and have a guy flashing around the back post to finish it.
ampersand you suck.
American Football and Basketball and Baseball can all be "dumbed down" and considered sports without plays as well.
go learn yourself, or something. .. ....
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-24 22:54:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No matter how eloquently you put it, the facts remain. There might be a bunch of normal people playing these 'American' sports in other countries but the Americans will always know these people to be bloated, over-payed douchebags, no?
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-06-24 22:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ok kiddo, do you want to know why soccer is the most popular sport in the world? Contrary to one of my high school history teachers, it's not because it's the best sport in the world. It's because it's the simplest (of the major team sports). Any random village in africa can throw together an impromptu soccer match without much trouble. All they need is an object soft enough to kick and round enough to roll. They don't need to understand what cover 2 is, or the difference between a nickle package and a dime. They don't have to read the defense or pick up the blitz. There are no audibles. There aren't even plays. All they have to do is run around and kick something. It's exceedingly, mind numbingly simple.
But thats what makes it work for the world. It gives people in dictator-ruled third world countries with relatively little to look foward to in life something to care about. Something to be passionate about, to put their hearts into. That's the only reason soccer is as popular as it is.
As an aside, take note that most developed countries (particularly, the ones with proper education systems in place) have imported the american sports. There's the euro NFL, the CFL. Baseball is *huge* in japan. Basketball's popularity in europe is climbing pretty fast too, evidenced by the fairly recent influx of european players in the NBA.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-06-24 22:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm actually into a bunch of gay touching and feeling, not fighting. Me and my buds just call it fighting. It's more of an underwear party than anything. Gosh, I thought you silly billies knew that!
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-06-24 22:35:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like watching soccer for some reason, but you say all that stuff about those sports then say you are into wrestling and fighting??? hahahahahahahahahahahahaha