Well, son of a bitch. (1887 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.73 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Siren© (View user info) at 2006-06-26 00:22:59 EDT
Today was a great day. I was off, so I basically laid around watching movies all day. It stormed all day, so it was perfect for a day in.
I made dinner and ate it. It was delicious. That $20,000 year I spent in culinary school paid off. I make a mean mothafuckin hollandaise sauce. Holla!
After dinner, I sat down with the sweetie to watch the romantic comedy The Hills Have Eyes. You guys would've loved it. It had a baby snatching scene and everything. So close to bringing all those dead baby jokes to an on-screen reality. Only she's rescued.
Anyway, an hour or so into the movie, we hear a knock at our door. We both kind of stared at it for a minute not really wanting to get up. But, after realizing it was 11pm, we thought we'd better. The sweetie got up and tried to look out the peephole. This is impossible to do. It's like someone sprayed over our peephole with that fake snow stuff. After struggling with the view, he opened the door. It was a man with an umbrella.
"You guys own the burgundy car out here?"
"Yes, that's mine," I said.
"You better come move it. It's in about 2 feet of water right now!"
"*censored*"
Now, if there is such a thing as an unlucky person, it's me. Seriously, my sister will tell you all about it. It's the Taylor family curse. We are doomed for all eternity.
I went out and sure enough, the car was door deep in a muddy river where the parking lot used to be. Wanna know the really funny part? I was parked directly over the drain. I managed to park in THE single parking space that also contained the storm drain that just couldn't keep up.
Well, son of a bitch.
At least the car started. Only thing is, now the car is filled with water. I'm supposed to be at work at 7am.
Any suggestions?
User Reviews
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-06-28 11:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-06-26 17:05:22 (#)
Ranking: 1
Instead of the manual labor you could've just enlisted the help of "evaporation".
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1. Do you know how long it would take for 8 inches of rain to "evaporate?" not nearly in time for driving to work.
2. I don't know if you watched the news lately, but the east coast has had nothing but straight rain for 5 days. If I opened my windows to allow the "evaporation" to escape, the rain would come in the car and the problem would not be solved.
3. Don't you think I would love "evaporation" help me out?
4. You are an imbicile.
Submitted by konohasaiyajin (user info) at 2006-06-27 16:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for referring to the dead baby jokes
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-06-26 19:00:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny I should happen to read that. I have something I want to write about, but I'm too lazy to do it.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-06-26 17:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Instead of the manual labor you could've just enlisted the help of "evaporation".
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-26 16:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-06-26 11:53:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's why I bought a vehicle with drain plugs....
Of course I can't fit under the car to pull them out
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hahahaha
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-06-26 14:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-06-26 12:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eeew your car is going to smell like dead dog ass in a few days. You better use a carpet/upholstery cleaner or a wet/dry vac to suck up all the water.
It could be worse. I once flooded my entire kitchen, laundry room, and half of my living room when I was gone for two hours. I came home to that AND smelly wet dog water all over my apartment and furniture. My dogs played in the water and then ran around jumping on everything. Bastards.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-06-26 12:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Roll down your windows and row yourself to work.
Or, fly down to Shlongy's house and I'll hand dry your ass.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-06-26 11:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's why I bought a vehicle with drain plugs....
Of course I can't fit under the car to pull them out so I would be about as screwed as you are I suppose.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-06-26 11:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aaaah, you are back, my librarian fetish. http://img91.imageshack.us/my.php?image=ilovehim4yc.jpg
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89623
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-06-26 11:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-06-26 08:46:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never believed that this could actually HAPPEN...
...you have photographic evidence?
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-06-26 08:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I concur, darko.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-26 08:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tinactin needs to post more. He's just too lazy.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-06-26 08:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh my god, I meant PROBABLY. I'm not retarded!!!
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-06-26 08:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not at work. HA! It's kind of sweet actually. I woke up at 5 and told them I'd be late. Went back to sleep until 7, then got up and scooped out my car. It's fair- 2 hours extra sleep for 1 hour manual labor. That's probaly how the Mexicans barter. Hmm.... (no offense to Tinactin).
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-06-26 06:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's not the worst thing ever.
That being said, let us know how you get to work.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-06-26 06:47:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-06-26 03:56:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jester, in my FA kit in my Trooper, and at our cabin, Stayfree unscented ultra-absorbent are staples. And I won't go hiking without 2-3 in my backpack, in case I gash (gah!) my leg or something.
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They're staples??......... well, i guess THAT makes sense..... like if you wanted to stem the flo.....
nevermind. I had no idea they were staples.... I mean KNOW *snicker* tampons come with an applicator but I always assumed that.. hang on a minute! THOSE WINGS ARE LIKE THE BENT BITS!! fuck me... the things you learn..... do you think that applicator thing is like a mortar? Like gas propelled or something? Like the girl in the cubicle nextdoor would put her fingers in her ears and stuff.. this is very interesting... if I had to insert something in like my ear or something I'd use gas propellent I guess, and a local.. oh, and a space ship, but not a real one.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-06-26 03:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jester, in my FA kit in my Trooper, and at our cabin, Stayfree unscented ultra-absorbent are staples. And I won't go hiking without 2-3 in my backpack, in case I gash (gah!) my leg or something.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-26 03:33:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Open the doors.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-06-26 03:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-06-26 01:47:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Use some.. *drums fingers*.. now see I find both of these names hilarious, so I'm gonna use both. Use some panty-shields/sanitary 'napkins', oh god, it's the napkin bit that really slays me. I've seen on an ad on tv that shows you can pretty much mop up anything with 'em, they're very absorbent, AND get rid of unpleasant odours, whatever the fuck that's about.
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I constantly recommend that people carry these in first aid kits when camping, as they are lint free so they don't stick to the wound (OMGLOL!!!!2) and are SPECIFICALLY designed to absorb blood.
So far though, no rugged camping type fellow has liked the idea of walking arond with a tampon sticking of a knife wou... er... Axe wound (HAHAHAOMG ANOTHER ONE!"")
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-06-26 02:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-06-26 02:31:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sell it to ETS as some sort of "new amazing water-powered" car.
If only he wasn't unemployed and drugged up you might even get some money for it...
God, it's been bloody ages since I read one of your posts.
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AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Even Williamson gets into the act!
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-06-26 02:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sell it to ETS as some sort of "new amazing water-powered" car.
If only he wasn't unemployed and drugged up you might even get some money for it...
God, it's been bloody ages since I read one of your posts.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-06-26 01:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Use some.. *drums fingers*.. now see I find both of these names hilarious, so I'm gonna use both. Use some panty-shields/sanitary 'napkins', oh god, it's the napkin bit that really slays me. I've seen on an ad on tv that shows you can pretty much mop up anything with 'em, they're very absorbent, AND get rid of unpleasant odours, whatever the fuck that's about.
rofgiggling.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-06-26 01:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Swim it off.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-06-26 01:28:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always love your posts.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-06-26 01:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had something funny (maybe) to add but the first three reviews all made me forget what it was.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-06-26 01:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have an idea involving three spoons and a straw.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-26 00:44:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Blow dry it
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2006-06-26 00:37:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
CAL IN BITCH
YER CAR IS FUCKED
WILL STINK TO HIGH HEAVENS FOREVER