Great Spaces in the Sky (604 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (View user info) at 2006-06-28 05:30:39 EDT
Great Spaces in the Sky
The mourners surrounded a cage of doves. They dressed in colors that soaked in the summer heat. They dabbed sweat and tears from their faces with starched white linen. Minutes passed, but the fat, sullen birds would not rise up.
The preacher grew hot and testy. He reached into the cage to scoop out birds that were the color of gunpowder. He performed the motion with a pinched and disgusted expression, like someone clearing a drain.
The choir tried to speed things along. A shaky accordion squeezed the prelude, and a hymn began to swell. The startled birds called out and peevishly took to the air.
Lord, guard and guide the men who fly
Through the great spaces in the sky.
Their wings beat hard, and everyone flinched. Except the dead man's daughter. She focused on the picture of her dad, resting against the empty cage. A sweet vacancy filled her eyes. Too young to know, the mourners whispered to each other.
That afternoon, the photo was carried like a saint at a neighborhood festival. It sat on a table that half-concealed those who would say a few words. It perched on the sideboard filled with home-baked sweets for the family. Soon it would find dust and silence on the mantle.
The photo was all that was left. It stood in for the man who remained at the smoldering site, his bits now mixed with the others.
Be with them always in the air,
In darkening storms or sunlight fair;
This man was a teacher, and his students had won a prize. He was taking fourth-graders to an awards ceremony a thousand miles away. Their plane only made it as far as gray concrete walls outside the airport. A bear of a man, the people called him: the type who would throw a big arm around a trembling 10-year-old in the final seconds.
A memorial was pulled together quickly. It was held in a high school auditorium, and 200 people came. It took 45 minutes.
O hear us as we lift our prayer
for those in peril in the air.
Nobody knew the words. Their eyes were fixed to lyrics on the print-outs as they sang. They rushed the tempo. The daughter just held the thin paper at her side and stared at her dad's image.
The older women flanked the girl. Too young to know, they concluded. The women rubbed the girl's shoulder with big, heavy hands until it was sore.
"Your father was a hero, child," one of them said in a sweeping voice, pointing to birds in the distance. "Remember his spirit, how it soared!"
Puzzled, the girl looked up and spoke for the first time.
"Daddy loved the sea," she whispered. "He took me sailing."
User Reviews
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-07-11 13:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-07-11 13:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
still wasn't happy with the ending, and not worth a repost so.....
That night, birds the color of gunpowder gorged on sweets dropped in the parks and public spaces. That night, small fingers traced the fringe of a blue comforter, rising and falling over gentle sleep. One last time, the sail filled and strong hands cleated the line. Then they rested beside hers, along the wheel, never letting her lose the course.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-06-28 16:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice.
You know, for some reason I always imagine souls heading out to sea rather than ascending to the sky.
When my boyfriend passed, I envisioned him sailing off towards the sunset.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-06-28 15:13:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-06-28 12:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Points below are well-taken, and thanks to you both. I'll stet the original.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-28 10:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-06-28 10:34:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-06-28 08:01:18 (#)
Thanks. I'm thinking the last line should be present tense to give it a little more punch:
"Daddy loves the sea," she whispered. "He takes me sailing."
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Depends on if it's true that she's too young to know, or not. I like the way it's written because of the implicit challenge to the dismissal of her comprehension by the elders.
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Pretty much sums it up. I think the fact that she comprehends that he is dead is sadder and therefore lends more to the overall tale.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-06-28 10:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-06-28 08:01:18 (#)
Thanks. I'm thinking the last line should be present tense to give it a little more punch:
"Daddy loves the sea," she whispered. "He takes me sailing."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Depends on if it's true that she's too young to know, or not. I like the way it's written because of the implicit challenge to the dismissal of her comprehension by the elders.
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-06-28 08:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks. I'm thinking the last line should be present tense to give it a little more punch:
"Daddy loves the sea," she whispered. "He takes me sailing."
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-28 06:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice use of Mary Hamilton's words.I wish I could write like this. Simple, effective and very emotional.
Submitted by Dacin (user info) at 2006-06-28 05:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice