Are you sure its not Monday again? (694 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.36 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tracer0351 (View user info) at 2006-06-28 15:00:36 EDT
So, there I was, stuck behind a desk, dealing with stupid computer users.
RING RING
User: "Headquarters Company, Sargent DumbAss speaking"
ME: "Good Morning, This is Tracer from The Computer Company, our network scans show that your computer doesn't have the latest Anti-Virus updates. I'll need to remotly access your computer to install the updates."
User: "UM.... Ok, what do you need me to do?"
ME: Set there and drool for all I care. "Sir, All I need you to do is save anything you have open, and log off"
User: "UM... I'm working on something really important right now, can you do this tomorrow?"
ME: Yeah, surfing HOT or NOT is vital to national security, I'm sure. Didn't you notice the little pop up that said 'remote user conected'? that means i can see everything you see...
"Well Sir, if your system doesn't get updated by 16:00 today, I won't need to update it, because after that it won't be a vulnerable point on our network anymore."
User: If I ignore it, it will go away? Great! "Ok, then how about we don't worry about it then?"
ME: "Great, makes my job easier too. Now if i could just get your name again as the person who approved removing the computer from the network, that will be all."
User: "Removed from the network? I thought you said it would fix itself?"
Me: "No, sir, I said that at 16:00 it would no longer be a vulnerable point 'ON OUR NETWORK'."
User "oh... right, ok then let me log off."
Click click clickity click....
Me: " you only needed to log off sir, not shut the computer off"
User: "I'm sorry, thats how i always log off." Which would explain why your computer hasn't been getting the nightly updates.
Me: "Not a problem sir, now if you'll turn your computer back on, I can get to work. And if you watch what I'm doing at the end, I'll show you how to log off without turning your computer off, so we don't have to do this again."
User: "So if I leave it turned on, it will update itself? Thats pretty neat."
Click Click Clickity Click...
ME: "All done, Sir. Have a nice day" CLICK
And so my morning goes, Until that holiest of hours, lunch break.
As I lock my workstation and head for the door, I note its not raining for the first time in about four days, so I decide to walk the two blocks the the little cafe where i get my lunch. I pick up a chicken sandwich, a salad, and some fries. (They make the best fries I've ever had.) Drop it all in a cheap, see-through white paper bag and start back towards the office.
I make it about a block and a half when out of the clear blue sky... CRACK..BOOOOOOM, slpash. They sky falls the fuck out. In 30 seconds the only dry part of me is my armpits, and those are starting to soak through. The white paper sack holding my lunch? It no longer exists. The fries, the tastiest part of my lunch, the only part of my lunch that wasn't individualy wrapped, are floating down stream. I don't think so, those are MY fries, DAMN IT! I scoop them up, stuff them in the salad bowl, and slosh the rest of the way back.
They were still the part of my lunch...
They say lifes a bitch, then you die...
How about we fast forward to the good part?
User Reviews
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-03-29 16:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
cause you're an idiot
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2007-03-27 13:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just for fun.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-06 13:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-07-06 13:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-06-28 16:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tracer0351 (user info) at 2006-06-28 16:02:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck the 3 second rule, I was hungery and those were MY FRIES!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-28 16:00:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We lost power to half the office earlier today because, it would seem, too many people were running their contraband space heaters and blew the circuit.
the best part
I work for a utility company.
get it
a power company that doesn't have enough power to run the office
true story
Did you enforce the 3 second rule on those fries?
Submitted by Tracer0351 (user info) at 2006-06-28 15:46:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, finaly some good news! the rain that killed my lunch took out power to the part of the base that my users are in!!! no more work for me!
Submitted by fatgirl (user info) at 2006-06-28 15:21:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Haha...dumb Marines...hey I can say that...
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-06-28 15:12:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Its definitely Wednesday. And this is the first time in four days it HASN'T rained. Yet.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-28 15:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
made me think of O dark hundred.
shouldn't it just be 1600 without the colon? meh whatever. sewer fries ew.... ew ew ew ew. ew.
Submitted by richsghostdog (user info) at 2006-06-28 15:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
the credits are rolling already...what good part?
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-06-28 15:05:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"User: If I ignore it, it will go away? Great! "
:|
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-06-28 15:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"by 16:00 today,"
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no no no