Fred and Nathan (slightly nsfw) (825 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.85 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by G-prime (View user info) at 2006-06-28 17:04:29 EDT
Nathan was staying over at Fred's house for the weekend. He was visiting from Vancouver, just stopping in Seattle for a couple of days on the way to Portland.
They were old friends, since grade school. They used to always hang out until Nathan moved to Canada for university. They would visit often enough though, since they were still relatively close.
Fred just got a new place, an apartment downtown. Great rent, great landlord, great girlfriend. Everything was going great. Just great.
Nathan arrived friday evening, and they went out on the town. They ate at a reasonable restaurant, saw a reasonable movie, hit a few OK bars.
The next morning, they were both pretty hungover. Nathan went into the bathroom to take a shower. Once in the shower, he noticed a couple of razors on the shelf. They both had little tags, one was marked "F" and the other "N".
"Oh cool," thought Nathan "Fred is giving me my own razor, he always manages to make it feel like home. Good timing too, seeing as I really need a shave and all..."
So Nathan continued his shower. He finished up business as usual.
When he came out, Fred was in the kitchen, fixing breakfast. Nathan said "Hey man, thanks alot for the razor."
"Which razor?" asked Fred.
"The razor marked N for Nathan in the shower!" answered Nathan.
To which Fred replied "Oh dude, please tell me you didn't use that."
Nathan said "What? Of course I did, it was marked as mine, afterall."
"No, man, those razors are marked F for Face and N for Nutsack! Christ man, that's gross!" explained Fred.
"Aw, FUCK man! That IS nasty! Why didn't you warn me?" asked Nathan, suddenly feeling very dirty, despite the rather recent sortie from the shower.
"I thought you might, maybe, you know, BRING YOUR OWN DAMN razor perhaps?" said Fred
"Ah shit. That's really bad, man. Shit. Shit shit shit. I brushed my fucking teeth with that razor, after you used it on your nuts!" said Nathan.
true story.
find the nutsack.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-13 19:33:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I brushed my fucking teeth with that razor, after you used it on your nuts!"
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that's a man's man.
Submitted by Sockster (user info) at 2006-06-29 03:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Vancouver.
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-06-28 18:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This was amusing until this:
"I brushed my fucking teeth with that razor"
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-06-28 18:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Every morning after breakfast, eight-year-old Joey went into his huge bathroom and carefully got ready for school. He was very fussy about the way he looked. His curly brown hair had to be placed just the right way; his clothes all had to match perfectly. Joey was especially particular about his teeth. He only used a special toothbrush and certain toothpaste. All the children at school knew Joey for his gleaming smile. They named him Pearly White. Joey had perfect teeth. All his friends longed to have teeth like Joey.
Some of the other children at school though, did not think having white teeth was cool. They made fun of Joey; they called him a sissy and a mom's boy. They thought he was a weird kid who always flashed his teeth to get attention.
One morning last week, Joey went in the bathroom as usual, opened up the cabinet and shut it again. He decided not to brush his teeth that day. He told himself he was finished with that childish stuff. He wanted to be known as a tough guy. He did not want to be the only third grader with perfect white teeth. Joey stared at his image in the mirror for a second.
"I will be a tough guy, just wait and see," Joey told himself as he continued to look at his reflection.
"Joey!" called a voice from his bathroom.
Joey was startled. Quickly, he glanced around the bathroom, although he knew he was alone.
"Go ahead and pick me up," called a voice from the bathroom cabinet.
"Where is that voice coming from?" questioned Joey loudly.
"Up here," the voice called again.
Joey looked up into the cabinet.
"That's right, Joey. It's me, your favorite toothbrush," the brush beamed.
His blue eyes widened and he stared in amazement. He could not believe what he was hearing.
"What's going on?" Joey said out loud, hoping someone would hear him.
"Why aren't you going to brush your teeth today?" asked the brush curiously.
"Oh, I don't feel like brushing my teeth today," Joey told his toothbrush.
"What has gotten into you Joey, you always like to brush your teeth," scolded the toothbrush.
"You're not even real, toothbrushes can't talk," Joey said hastily and turned away from the cabinet.
"If I can't talk, then why are you talking to me?" asked the brush.
Joey moved away from the cabinet door. He could not believe this, he thought he must be dreaming and hoped he would soon wake up.
"Hey! Joey, aren't you going to brush your teeth today?" the brush asked again.
"No, I am not going to brush my teeth," Joey said angrily.
"All the kids at school know you for your healthy smile," the brush informed him.
"Not all the kids at school think it is cool to brush your teeth," Joey told his brush.
"What do you mean?" questioned the toothbrush.
"I want to be a tough guy and tough guys don't brush their teeth," Joey shouted at the brush.
"Who told you that tough guys don't brush their teeth?" asked the curious brush.
"The guys who hang around with the tough kids at school. The tough kids think I am weird for having nice teeth," Joey quickly enlightened the brush.
"You know Joey, if you don't brush you will get sugar bugs in your teeth and they are real tough guys. They will work away at your nice white teeth until they become brown and start to pain."
"How do you know that?" asked Joey as he examined his perfect teeth in the mirror.
"I know because it is my job to work hard with you to make sure your teeth are clean and healthy," proudly stated the brush.
Joey thought for some time, he looked at his teeth in the bathroom mirror again.
"Ok, I will brush my teeth, I don't care if the kids at school think I am weird or not. I don't want my teeth to turn brown and ugly looking."
Joey picked up his favourite toothbrush and put on his special toothpaste and began to brush. He brushed every tooth carefully, making sure the sugar bugs would not get a chance to spoil his perfect white teeth. When Joey was finished brushing his teeth he curiously looked at his favourite toothbrush. To his surprise he could have sworn he saw the toothbrush smile.
No! Toothbrushes can't smile or talk. Or can they?
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-06-28 18:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I stared at that picture for several minutes and I still don't see the damned boat.
Submitted by konohasaiyajin (user info) at 2006-06-28 18:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
+1 for the funny image
-1 for the boring story
-1 for saying he brushed his teeth with a razor
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-06-28 17:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This part makes me think you adapted this from a similar story about a toothbrush.
"I brushed my fucking teeth with that razor..."