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Disgruntled - Part 5 (448 hits)

Category: None
Labels: Disgruntled

Rating: 0.33 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)

Submitted by Beano (View user info) at 2006-06-30 09:00:16 EDT

Part 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/87748
Part 2 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/87937
Part 3 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/88115
Part 4 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/88247

Vic 5 had been identified and tracked. He was young and well built. I think he was more brains than brawn and I certainly remember seeing him on the golf course a couple of times with the society.

Anyway, I knew him vaguely but that wasn't going to be a problem because he wasn't going to be Id'ing me to anyone. I'd given myself a month to dispatch of him. I wanted to press to start printing stories about me, to start linking up the connections.... I wanted the staff to be fucking afraid, to know that they were being hunted.

But most of all, most of all I wanted the management to feel responsible. To know that it was something they had done that had brought this wrath upon them and their staff.

So, I needed more bodies.

Captain Steven Lewis was experienced in catching killers; he'd seen them all from stupid as fuck random killers to highly intelligent and organised killers with no emotion and no remorse.

He still couldn't tell you which was more dangerous or which ones he feared the most.

He was on the tail of another killer in his latest case. It seemed that this guy was a little disgruntled that he'd been fired from the CIA, something to do with a messy split from his wife and a total loss of any self control. He was a liability so they fired him. He felt that what he needed was support. Shit happens.

Sure enough this guy was an out and out activity man. I followed him from sports grounds and tennis courts, golf course and of course bars with his mates. He liked to have fun and drink a lot. Even more reason to believe that he was just an engineer.

One particular night I followed him to the local fire station, he looked as if he knew the guys there but yet he wasn't a fireman. Maybe a brother or best buddy had made the grade. Either way, he was starting to show me his pattern.

He spent an hour of so with them and then walked to a bar no more than 200 yards from the station, staggering home a few hours later drunk as an Englishman.

The first call to Steve Lewis came after the second body, if was loose at this point but the fact that they both worked in the same complex for the same organisation and that organisation was the CIA the police had to check for a connection.

Plus there was no obvious motive for either murder so in this type of case you have to go looking for one. Both murders were execution style, although a fairly amateur execution at that, what was important was they were similar in M/O.

This had given Steve enough to be working on. In a whole bunch of cases he had worked he had nothing, zilch. He had a starting point in these and was determined that he'd find the killer soon.

I'd concluded that the guy was a trainee retain fireman. He was making regular visits to the station as part of his on-going training. This had thrown me off balance at first. I have a high regard for firemen, their sheer honesty, doing the job that they do for the pay they make. I figured I saw less danger taking on criminals and drug runners in my early days than most of these boys saw on a daily basis.

However, one thing I had told myself when I started out on this campaign was that once I'd made a choice I would stick with it. Indecision kills.

I also needed to pick varied targets to keep the police off my trail. Picking the same type, sex, and eye color, whatever... just gave them the leads that they would need to apprehend me. OK so they were all CIA employees but they employed a shit load of people.

So, I'd decided that his regular walk home from the pub round the corner of the station was my time. He was always alone and always drunk.

So body three had arrived before they'd Id'd the killer, this was frustrating but not at all surprising. Steve knew that this was most likely to be the case. He also knew that with every new body he would take a step closer to the man responsible.

Victim three was a slight worry when they first realized that she didn't work for the CIA, Christ the kid was only seventeen and for about an hour and a half, maybe two hours everyone at the station was feeling very depressed indeed. If this turned out to be a genuine random killer their odds of catching him had reduced from slim to none.

But fairly quickly the two sergeants assigned to informing the family and doing some background if possible reported that her father was an employee and that in fact the kid had been doing summer work at the complex as arranged by her father.

Steve cursed for the poor father, who once this was over and the case was solved would realise that getting his daughter a summer job had cost her her life. Otherwise he was happy. He needed the pattern to continue to catch his man.

I spent the early part of the afternoon stripping and cleaning my weapon. This is a most important task and one that too many cops and criminals alike disregard.

Not only is it important for the weapon to function properly but it gives you an intimacy with the gun that you don't get otherwise. How else do you know and understand how something works (or doesn't) if you haven't had its composite parts in your hand. In an emergency, knowing the workings of your pistol might save your life.

I'd broken with habit and check this guy's trash can. I knew his name, which again was unusual and strange to me. Thomas Miller, most probably Tom to his friends and family.

"Tom"

"Tom the fireman" I said out loud to myself.

Was I having doubts? I shook the thoughts from my head, tucked the pistol into my waistband and headed out into the clear night air.

So Steve Lewis had confirmed the link, in his mind at the very least. He was having checks run on all employees who had either left or been fired in the last year. That was the starting point and if that threw up no suspects then he'd go back another year, and then another. As many years as it needed until he had a list of names that contained his man.

He was confident however that he would find his man amongst the names from the first year. People like to think they are patient, that they can bide their time. But anger is a very dangerous and uncontrollable emotion.

By the time the list arrived a few days later so did body number four. The same M/O as the previous killings and also another employee of the CIA just as expected, and no further links to the other three bodies found to date, but then Steve did not expect to find any.

Working at the same complex was the link.

The only remaining link was the killer.

When he had that, he'd have his man.

gun[1].jpg (41 kB)

User Reviews

Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-07-26 12:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

NOOO

Submitted by maf54 (user info) at 2008-05-14 05:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Just to counter what that idiot Director did to you.

Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-05-13 18:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

Submitted by fuzzy_buzz (user info) at 2006-07-07 06:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Is a great story.

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-06 18:27:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-06 16:50:44 (#)
Ranking: -2

I couldn't read this post because of the blockyness of the TEXT THAT WAS IN IT FUCK. I couldn't read this post because of the blockyness of the TEXT THAT WAS IN IT FUCK.I couldn't read this post because of the blockyness of the TEXT THAT WAS IN IT FUCK.I couldn't read this post because of the blockyness of the TEXT THAT WAS IN IT FUCK.I couldn't read this post because of the blockyness of the TEXT THAT WAS IN IT FUCK.I couldn't read this post because of the blockyness of the TEXT THAT WAS IN IT FUCK.I couldn't read this post
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heh heh, it's nice to see a n00b growing up and laying a smackdown - good job Beano old chum!

Submitted by deedee (user info) at 2006-07-02 21:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

good, but i also had to re-read it, the different POVs were't separated well and it was confusing, I thought the killer was a fireman for a min till i re-read it, hmm

Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-06-30 11:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"The first call to Steve Lewis came after the second body, if was loose at this point but the fact that they both worked in the same complex for the same organisation and that organisation was the CIA the police had to check for a connection.""

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This was an odd paragraph. It kind of threw a speedbump into the rhythm as I had to reread it a couple of times.

You also didn't switch between character POVs as well in this one, but that still may be just a result from the hitch I hit in that one paragraph. I think the introduction of Mr. Lewis in this piece was a bit lackluster and awkward.

This installment also didn't give as much as a personal connection between the killer and the reader. In the others, you feel intimately attached to the killer's psyche and moods and I didn't quite feel that in this one.

The overall story is going nicely, though. Just don't get caught up in making this a cliched cop vs. serial killer story. It's your serial and you're posting it on Uber so don't be afraid to experiment with the style and rhythm.

And by the by, Uber-wise, the fifth installment on series seems to be the point at which reviews/hits start falling off. I think it's partly because of our short attention span here. We see #5 and if we haven't read any installments before it, we don't want to bother with all the back-reading. Not that this series isn't worth it, mind you.

More people should be reading this, damnit! You could always result to linkwhoring...

Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-30 11:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

WooHoo !!! A review.

I will cut it out, put it in a frame and hang it on my wall.

Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-06-30 11:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That's not true!
I'm not miserable at all.
Now to read the post.

Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-30 11:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

You lot really are a bunch of miserable wankers.

That is all.