Paula Deen is a yammering twat. (467 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.61 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by swine_powered_sock_monkey (View user info) at 2006-06-30 10:14:57 EDT
For those of you (like myself) that don't worship the Food Network, Paula Deen is a yammering twat with a cooking show. She tosses a bunch of crap in a pot, twirls it about with one of those spoony things for a bit, and renders something edible. Apparently, that's all it takes to be considered a "chef" nowadays. Talk with a cheesy accent and they'll call you a "southern chef".
Shenanigans.
My mother did the same thing for years and she was just "Mom". And my mom could totally kick Paula Deen's ass six ways from Sunday. Off the top rope even.
So in addition to being a yammering twat with a cooking show, PD is also a yammering twat that owns a restaurant, with the deliciously incestuous moniker of "The Lady and Sons". I am unfortunate enough to have an office across the street from this fried chicken crack house.
Now, in all fairness, I have eaten there once, for a company xmas party, and it is a nice place, in the sense that it's clean, reasonably classy, and the food is tolerable, though overpriced. Tolerable does not, by any means, suggest "spectacular" or even "worth it", but people speak of it with such reverence that one would think it was simmered in sweat from Jesus' asscrack.
The most vocal of PD's proponents are the tourists. They come with the same fervor as Muslims making the pilgrimage to Mecca. They line up around the block and wait for hours on end in the sweltering summer heat for fried chicken and macaroni and cheese. They are lined up down the street when I get to work at 8:00 a.m. and the fucking restaurant doesn't even open until 11. By early afternoon, there are so many people on the street corner in front of the place that traffic can't see around them so we get a lovely fender bender a few times a week.
They block the sidewalk with their fat, sweaty asses and their mouth-breathing mongoloid children so those of us that actually have to do business here end up walking in the street and dodging more dumbass tourists driving up a one-way street in the wrong direction trying to find parking near the fucking shithole restaurant.
I swear to Bob the next time I drive up on one of them standing in the middle of the street taking a picture of the fucking restaurant I'm gonna mow them down with my Chrysler and then shove their camera up the ass of their next of kin.
The only thing I want to see on the Food Network is Paula Deen being sodomized with a fried chicken leg.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-06-30 14:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Paula Deen reminds me of my grandmother, only infinitely drunker and more annoying.
I do wish I lived in Savannah though. Gorgeous city.
Submitted by swine_powered_hate_machine (user info) at 2006-06-30 14:30:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd knock the bottom out of Rachael Ray.
And in addition to the madness above, I get to watch vast numbers of women roam the streets all day. From tank top clad art students to pants-suit wearing business chicks.
Woof!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-30 12:26:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I SOooooo want to bang the shit out of Rachael Ray...
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-06-30 12:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
...and +1 for your username. Gold.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-06-30 12:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I had your job so I could sit around and watch that shit all day.
Submitted by polymorph505 (user info) at 2006-06-30 11:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto J.R. "Bob" Dobbs +2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-06-30 11:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahah.
i'll never wait in line for a restaurant. if i can't wait inside at the bar or inside on a seat then it's not worth all the damn trouble just to get a bite to eat.
i hate cooking shows. except for julia childs cuz she did intelligence for the cia at some point or something like that. she ruled. even though i have NO idea what the hell she was saying. ever.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-06-30 11:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
your ire amuses me
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-06-30 11:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Across the street from my office is a group halfway home for sex offenders.
Do you think you can drink 40s on the front porch of such a place while offering to 'tear up dat ass' of the women who work in my office?
(hint: the answer is not 'no')
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-06-30 11:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it...
"I swear to bob"? Are you looking for slack cause I'll sell you some if you need it.
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-06-30 11:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
'They are lined up down the street when I get to work at 8:00 a.m. and the fucking restaurant doesn't even open until 11. By early afternoon, there are so many people on the street corner in front of the place that traffic can't see around them so we get a lovely fender bender a few times'.
Decent rant. I'd love a job with a view of this.