Double Back Flip (456 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.28 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rumpleforeskin (View user info) at 2006-07-05 12:14:45 EDT
I always wanted to be on the diving team in school. They would never let me compete though. I don't know if it was the fact that I weigh 386 pounds or that our under budget facility had an empty pool. Nonetheless, I wanted to attempt it.
It was embarrassing the first day I showed up for practice. I thought that you were at liberty to wear what you choose. I was completely wrong. I showed up in my Jordache jeans. Everyone else had on Speedos. I finally started a part-time job to fund my uniform. I finally had it. I thought my uniform was marvelous but others seemed to dislike it. It was florescent yellow with the words "BLOW HOLE" across my anus.
What can I say? I love to relieve pressure from time to time. It is not my fault that it comes more prevalent while on the school bus. I thought I was going to be a great diver. We would practice by doing simulated dives off of the bleachers.
Coach Morris would not let us fully commit though. Something about an accident that happened years ago. He exaggerates a little bit about the story though. He said the kid hit the floor and his head came out his ass. I don't believe it.
I still do not know how to master the art of not making a splash. I work very hard at the local quarry at my attempt to one day grab the bronze medal. They keep telling me that I would have to lose a bunch of weight before I could even make a go at it. What do they know? They don't know the struggle I have to not go to the Shoney's food bar daily. The chocolate moose is to die for.
It has been three years since I have been able to see my penis. It is also an ego killer that I have to sit down to pee. I have a confession though. I really hate our competition. I hate them so much that I pee in their pools when I make my dives. I got really ticked at our archrivals one time that I snuck back in to their diving complex and took a large shit in their pool. No one knew who did it. It was bittersweet revenge.
I am thinking about getting a tattoo. Greg Louganis. I know that he is a peeter puffer now but he was a brilliant diver, until he smashed his head against the board. But he bounced back great!
It is amazing how light I feel in the water. Some people call me cool nicknames like "whale", "titanic" or "Big fat mother fucker". Those guys are so funny. There is a girl on the team that I really like. Her name is Jennifer. She is a quadriplegic. She can't quite dive, so we just strap her to a life vest and throw her in. She really loves it.
I can't really date anyone else because they are out of my league. Jennifer is awesome though and just to think, later in life when I want to make love to her, she won't be able to say no. I can do whatever I want when I want. It is going to be a great time.
Anyway, I have to go for now. Practice is starting in about 10 minutes and it takes me a while to get into my uniform. I hope to talk to you later!!
User Reviews
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-25 13:08:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Terrible.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-07-05 14:21:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Underdog.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-07-05 13:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-05 13:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Spoogey, I assure you that this isn't an alter.
Submitted by exposed (user info) at 2006-07-05 13:07:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scourge is a diver as well. Crotch Diver. Limp Puss
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-05 12:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This alter will be banned soon.
Not soon enough, but soon.
Submitted by exposed (user info) at 2006-07-05 12:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Minute_Man: I believe that you have a lineage to Jona. You too were swallowed by a whale. However, your escape was to definately by being shit out. You smell like squid spunk.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-07-05 12:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm a tard
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-07-05 12:19:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-07-05 12:17:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, this is just fucking moronic.
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Jesus Christ I have to say for one.....*shudders* I agree with you.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-07-05 12:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, this is just fucking moronic.