UGR: The Merry-go-round (487 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.65 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ghola (View user info) at 2006-07-05 12:33:19 EDT
"I try to tell her about my fear, that we
-this moment and our love-
will become that horror,
some forgotten symbol,
meaningless dribble carved into foreground where the background
is living."
It's hard to have a real romance. Everything has already been done, clichéd to death and killed by too much damned Hollywood. These days it's all mutual understanding, friendship and lust. Those grand moments when two lovers' eyes meet underneath the stars and the guy whispers, "I love you," just don't exist. When they do exist, they're laughable. The best one can hope for is functionality.
"I love you," she murmurs into his ear, parting his hair and trailing her hand down the side of his face. "I'm so completely in love with you."
James smiles at her and turns back to watch television. A Twilight Zone marathon is on and he's been watching it for hours now. "I just wanna see what happens," he says, waving her away.
Allison pushes herself off the couch and away from him. She watches him watching television for a moment and goes to her bedroom.
"It'll be off in a minute, love," he calls out. He turns the volume up and doesn't listen for a reply.
Allison flops onto her computer chair and signs onto AOL. It's the only human interaction she can expect these days. Even when James is around he barely sees her, takes notice of her, or carries on a real conversation with her. It's all so blasé.
She tries explaining her problem to some random internet friend. She doesn't have any other friends to talk to. Since summer began, she's become a hermit of sorts. She sits at home, drinks and spends her evenings zombified.
"Before we started dating," she begins, "I idealized how we would be. He was so over the top, so grand and so in love with me. He missed me. He called me in the middle of the night. He quoted me song lyrics. He danced with me in the living room and in random parking lots. Basically, I felt loved."
"You don't feel loved now?" comes the reply.
"Well," she types. "I know he loves me. At least I think he does. It just seemed like it'd be so amazing. It killed me not to be with him. I didn't know how to be without him."
A series of ...'s are her answer.
"I just don't know how to be with him either. I spend all my time waiting for the grand moments, waiting to feel enraptured, loved, and excited."
Allison sighs when she hears the next episode of the Twilight Zone begin. James shuffles a bit on the couch, but otherwise makes no sound.
"We were so on and off again and there was so much build up, I guess I just expected more. I expected to be happy. Maybe it's me. Maybe I can't be satisfied. Maybe what I want doesn't exist. It doesn't exist, does it?"
There's no reply.
"I wait for moments when he looks at me and smiles. Those moments when his eyes light up. I wait to feel his arms wrapped around me. I'm miserable and I don't know how to tell him, because I don't know how to be without him. I love him, utterly. I just don't feel loved."
Still no reply.
"I don't have anyone," she types. "Not a soul. I don't even know how to connect with a goddamned human being. If this guy, this guy who ought to be my soul mate doesn't make me happy, what will?"
A commercial in the living room comes on and James calls out, "Allison? Will you get me a beer?"
Allison wipes the tears off her cheek, swallows a few times and shouts, "Sure, just a second." She grabs a cold beer from the refrigerator and hands it to him.
"Thanks love," he says. "What do you want to do today?"
She looks at him and then glances at the television. "Nothing, I don't want to do anything.
She thinks back to that first moment when he told her that he loved her and everything seemed so perfect. The idea of him had been completely perfect. She could have imagined nothing better.
She settles back down in front of the computer and types, to no one apparently, "It's my fault. I could have had the perfect idea of love. I reached for more and ruined it. I would have been happy knowing that love might exist. Instead I was greedy and found nothing. There's nothing. In that one moment that I decided I loved him and wanted to be with him I sealed my misery. I did it to myself."
User Reviews
Submitted by carbon (user info) at 2007-07-29 11:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-07-12 11:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:(
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-07-06 07:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
oh my fucking god.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-07-06 05:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice, in a sad kind of way.
-Dave
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-05 17:20:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Allison wipes the tears off her cheek, swallows a few times and shouts, "Sure, just a second." She grabs a cold beer from the refrigerator and hands it to him.
"Thanks love," he says. "What do you want to do today?"
She looks at him and then glances at the television. "Nothing, I don't want to do anything.
---------
sounds like the perfect girlfriend to me!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-07-05 16:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-07-05 14:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i forgot this contest was still going.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-07-05 14:13:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-05 14:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm masturbating...
Submitted by alwayspeach1 (user info) at 2006-07-05 13:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to see where this would lead.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-05 13:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm listening...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-05 13:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's a sad and listless girl in a few of your stories. WE CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY, GHOLA!
A bit depressing, but relatable, for sure.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-07-05 12:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry, i had no time. ugh ugh ugh.