Sandstorm (460 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Poots (View user info) at 2006-07-06 00:24:44 EDT
I watch from a near building as she drags the purple tube top over her breasts pausing for a moment to let the fabric hang on her very hard nipples. The fabric, as if it longs to be there resists for a good three seconds before finally letting loose of its purchase and falls quickly over the skin of her belly.
A man approaches. 6'1, fat, drooling over this goddess like a cat over a kill. You can almost smell the sweat that must be dripping from his anxious balls. His eyes are wild like fire and something about his nostrils doesn't seem human. Almost like he's breathing smoke. I zoom in on them and watch for a while........
...
The sandstorm makes me feel safe. The little pieces of earth ripping away at my flesh are like little reminders that I exist.
I pull the leather face-mask over my nose and breathe deep. "Duty", I whisper. "A shot in the dark".
....
The top hat gives him away. "White with a brown stripe." That's what she said.
My goddess.
I relax my trigger finger... take a deep breath.....
BOOM.
She looks scared.
User Reviews
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-08-06 16:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-10 11:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See, this is alot better, you are able to paint a vivid picture with just a few words. This is something i am unable to do. Post more shit like this and you more plus 2's just dont expect everyone to read it...
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-07-06 13:00:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Definitely an improvement. You might want to cultivate less repetition in your description (little bits of earth like little reminders), work on your imagery, maybe dispense with the top has as it seems too Scrooge McDuck/Bond circa Sean Connery... but good for a quick attempt.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-07-06 06:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-07-06 01:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
just because it was so short...and didnt have enough....stuff..
make the next one better=explanatory
Submitted by Randy_Rottenbuckets (user info) at 2006-07-06 00:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok I need more. WTF!