I was blind once (744 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: means to an end
Rating: 0 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by extacy_red (View user info) at 2006-07-06 04:06:54 EDT
The streetlights are parachutes, the windows are explosions. Lights, joy. The season is come, and I'm leaving. The people inside? Happy? Hardly, they're dressed for the season, one glance shatters their whole charade. How do i know? The silhouette says it all, one breath, one mind, one sight. Nonchalant goes the shrug. Fake say the teeth. The teeth are falling out, flashing, a rain of ivory. But how do I tell? I was blind once, but now I just look away.
Won't you teach me to swim? The flood is coming, euphoria, break for the bridge, break for the boulevard. Don't let me drown, this isn't for me, you can't understand, the means to an end. What about the lights and the trees and the ornaments? Beautiful you say? I was blind once, but now I just look away, no eyes, no hands. It doesn't matter anyway. Please don't let me drown.
Flight is what I do, charades are what I watch. But what about the eyes? I already said, turn your head, tourniquet. Your bleeding. Come, I've heard of a place where they can fix us. Come.
Cars scream at us and we don't care. Why should we care. Drown the silence. Silence lies below, ebb and flow, pitch and throw, take us where you will. Cold, cold has nothing on us, we've been cold since the beginning. Water is flooding the canal, the computer is dead, waves conquered windows. Windows to the soul huh? If that's the case then I have no soul. We won't need it anyway. I was blind once, but now I just look away.
I forgot to mention, I can't swim. It'll be alright. It's quiet down here, the water mutes it all. Let it fill your lungs, this is freedom, drowning.
User Reviews
Submitted by Gingerly (user info) at 2006-09-30 14:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-07-31 10:53:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Terrible.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-07-10 00:00:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I personally don't find this hard to follow, maybe cause i wrote it.
But I thought about doing them in poems. But poetry blows.
I leave for the weekend and this thing has less thatn 300 hits?
/shameless bump.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-07 03:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
They've finally cured you're chronic masturbation?
Submitted by hooch4 (user info) at 2006-07-07 03:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Just cos it isn't worth a +2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-07-06 14:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-06 08:44:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-07-06 06:55:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
This really isn't my thing, in fact I found it dreary and incomprehensible, but I hate posting stuff and not getting reviews within ten minutes, let alone two hours, so have a +2.
---
Indeed. I myself often cross the fine line between the character being confused and the reader. While it may seem like a good idea to have an insane character (or whatever your deal was here) narrating, it's hard to follow.
--------
another review cuz this needs more.
is it a bad thing i found this easy to follow?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-07-06 12:22:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spacegrass (user info) at 2006-07-06 11:39:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're not your. Someone's gotta say it.
On the one hand, I think this should be in more of a poem form. On the other hand, if it was, I probably wouldn't have read it. I like to not be helpful.
--------
yep
Submitted by Spacegrass (user info) at 2006-07-06 11:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're not your. Someone's gotta say it.
On the one hand, I think this should be in more of a poem form. On the other hand, if it was, I probably wouldn't have read it. I like to not be helpful.
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-06 08:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-07-06 06:55:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
This really isn't my thing, in fact I found it dreary and incomprehensible, but I hate posting stuff and not getting reviews within ten minutes, let alone two hours, so have a +2.
---
Indeed. I myself often cross the fine line between the character being confused and the reader. While it may seem like a good idea to have an insane character (or whatever your deal was here) narrating, it's hard to follow.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-07-06 06:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This really isn't my thing, in fact I found it dreary and incomprehensible, but I hate posting stuff and not getting reviews within ten minutes, let alone two hours, so have a +2.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-07-06 04:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's been awhile.