Story: Ass Kicking in Space (1114 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.76 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Electro (View user info) at 2006-07-07 17:12:32 EDT
The Story Begins...
Today was gonna be a fucked up day for me. I just knew it. My name is Boris Van Holm, I am a fighter pilot, and this is my story.
It was October 24th, 2075. Here Boris sat, in his cell on station 6. He knew his commander was stealing shit out of his locker, so he beated his ass down for it and got his ass thrown into a cell while his commander got to go back home to hawaii in his body cast. I guess that is justice for you. Anyways, as he sat in his cell, alarms began blaring. It sounded like something big was going down as an explosion shook the fuckin place.
As he sat up, the cell door opened. Two guards ordered him out of the cell and lead him to the bridge where the captain was.
"Listen up. I am still pissed at your ass for beating down your commander but we have a serious fuckin problem on our hands here and you are gonna bail us out." said the captain. "Just under four hour ago, a wormhole opened up not far from here. We sent some ships to investigate and they just got their sorry asses swarmed by hostiles. We had to sent the entire squadian just to push and hold them back. Just twenty minutes ago, a second wormhole opened. We can't move any part of the squadian around as they are just holding their own at the first wormhole."
"So what do you expect of me?" said Boris.
"Well, you are the best pilot that we have, so this will be a one-man mission. We need you to reach the second wormhole, fight any resistence along the way, and enter the second wormhole leading back to their world. Once there, drop off a special package to send those alien bastards to hell." said the captain.
"Oh. I kinda thought this mission would be hard." said Boris. "So how will I do this?"
"We have a new prototype ship in bay 12. It is super fast and easy to fly, fully fueled and loaded for combat. Its the most elite ship made. Suit up and head there now." said the captain.
Boris went to his locker, suited up, and headed right to bay 12. As he entered, there it was. The prototype. It was total kick ass. He hopped into the cockpit and was ready to go.
As he was ready to take off, the captain sent me one last message before he was ready to go.
"Take it easy with that prototype. I expect you and it back in one piece, and those alien bastards in many." said the captain over the radio.
"No worries captain. I'll take good care of it, and of them as well. Over and out."
The bay doors opened and off he went, on a mission to save the human race and to kick some alienoid ass.
To be continued.....
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As for the answer to the uberboard:"Attention Electro! Please post a full body photo for the 2006 Uber Directory! We're waiting on you!"
My answer is No for now. I couldn't if I even wanted to. I don't have any pictures of me on my computer, and I am not using my shitty webcam. I will get a suitable picture soon... but for now, go sleep with the fishies.
User Reviews
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-07-10 18:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Good fucking god this was terrible. Go back to kindergarten.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-07-10 09:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No idea. Maybe bart thought it was total kick ass and froze the rating?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-10 08:31:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wonder why this one didn't change
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-10 08:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
0.87 testing something out here
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-07-09 13:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90261 - READ PART 2 NOW!
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-07-09 12:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DING DING DING DING DING DING DING
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-07-08 23:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I see the problem!
Sinistral is a total dickhead!
*DING DING DING DING DING*
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-07-08 23:43:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Today was gonna be a fucked up day for me. I just knew it. My name is Boris Van Holm, I am a fighter pilot, and this is my story.
It was October 24th, 2075. Here Boris sat, in his cell on station 6.
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Does anybody else see a problem with this?
I can't figure it out, but then again Sinistral is quite tired.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-08 18:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Total kick ass.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-07-08 17:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90212 - Excellent VoiceWhore of this story!
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-07-08 17:26:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Remember: Fuck Spellcheck. Yup. I don't really bother looking up every single word. :)
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-07-08 14:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90210 - Important
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-07-08 14:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why isn't this on most heated?! heh.
As for the picture... we will see...
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-07-08 14:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is fantastic
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-07-08 13:37:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why should I do it?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-07-08 13:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think YOU should voicewhore this, Jeffrey
Submitted by ColchesterDr (user info) at 2006-07-08 12:59:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-08 12:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2006-07-08 12:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We've reached the point of no return, where anything Electro does is ironically revered. I can't even help myself from agreeing, however.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-07-08 12:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yay! :D Voicewhore! Voicewhore! Voicewhore!
Wiggles, I will get a picture when I feel like it...
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-07-08 12:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is anyone going to voicewhore this now? Just curious.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-07-08 05:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-07-07 18:38:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Jeffrey, you just made my fucking weekend
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And mine. I'll do a recording of this later.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-08 00:49:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My god...
Honestly, between the story and the reviews, I almost threw up from laughing so hard.
Submitted by WatchMyStep (user info) at 2006-07-08 00:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-07-07 23:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-07-07 17:33:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm giving this a +2 based on the fact that the thought of Electro cursing and behaving all hardcore makes me giggle like a circus freak.
-----------------------------
AHAHAHAHAHAH
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-07-07 22:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
electro rocks
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-07 21:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Needs more Hamburglar.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-07-07 21:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-07-07 19:41:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Electro, I need to talk to you on AIM about this photo business. People are going to start getting a little pissed off if you don't have a new picture for the UberDirectory '06.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-07-07 19:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-07-07 19:07:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
NURRRRRRRRR
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2006-07-07 18:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BUT WHOM KILLED HIM AND WHY???
He knew his commander was stealing shit out of his locker, so he beated his ass down for it and got his ass thrown into a cell while his commander got to go back home to hawaii in his body cast.
I hate when I get my ass beated for stealing shit out of my suboordinate's locker.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-07-07 18:38:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Jeffrey, you just made my fucking weekend
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-07-07 18:33:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As he entered, there it was. The prototype. It was total kick ass.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-07-07 18:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read the first line and got hemorrhoids, heart disease, and one killer headache.
+2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-07-07 18:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"We have a new prototype ship in bay 12. It is super fast and easy to fly..."
--
Which means... anyone could fly it, no?
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-07-07 18:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sockster (user info) at 2006-07-07 17:49:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't decide if I want to -2 this or +2 it.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-07-07 18:07:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The Story Begins...
Today was gonna be a fucked up day for me. I just knew it. My name is Boris Van Holm, I am a fighter pilot, and this is my story.
-
Ahahahahahahahahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha- hahah-hahah-hahaha!
Now to read more.
Submitted by Sockster (user info) at 2006-07-07 17:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't decide if I want to -2 this or +2 it.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-07 17:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Uhhhh this sounds like a 2nd grader with adult spelling abilities sat down and wrote this.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-07-07 17:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm giving this a +2 based on the fact that the thought of Electro cursing and behaving all hardcore makes me giggle like a circus freak.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-07-07 17:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-07-07 17:20:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
Fastest tense change EVER.
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Biggest bitch EVER.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-07-07 17:20:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fastest tense change EVER.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-07 17:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin' A
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-07 17:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OOOHHH, Jeffrey!!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-07 17:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, it's no 'Starship Troopers', but it's a start...