Jonny X's Adventure With The Raelians (TBU) (644 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.07 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by KindaNews (View user info) at 2006-07-07 20:13:56 EDT
Re-imagined from - http://www.ubersite.com/m/90185
Add your own scenarios!
"Do you think he'll remember?"
The old man watched through the wall as the boy moaned and rolled to the side of the bunk, teetering for a moment before settling back into induced but fitful sleep.
"He will remember what I decide and nothing more," said the old man, calmly, before shifting his gaze to his unusually curious underling. "Why do you ask?"
He closed the door and approached the old man.
"Well, since some of his friends left the perimeter, -"
The old man's eyes flared, and the soldier dropped to his knees in pain. His tentacles emerged and wrapped themselves around his head in a futile attempt to shield his brain, which was also now throbbing and visible through his man-skull.
After a moment, the old man released the clone, and turned his attention back through the wall to the unfortunate human prankster on the other side.
He waited patiently as the soldier regained his equilibrium, and was once again able to stand as humans do.
"I'm sorry, - "
"No need. You will learn, in time, the extent of my powers."
He smiled in a way that most humans would describe as fatherly. This amused him greatly, and he laughed in a most un-human like manner.
The soldier, now almost completely recovered, bowed respectfully.
"Come," said the old man. "This human is not quite ready for release."
The old man glided through the opposite wall, the soldier scurrying through the double doors to keep up.
+++++
Jonny pumped faster, getting more and more excited at the thought of the white eruption, and he bent over to catch the spew in his mouth.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehawwwwwwwww!" he screamed, and took the entire thing in his throat, holding it as long as he could until his cheeks exploded and the spigot flew out, spraying everyone in the room with the sticky foam from the bottom of the keg.
"Jesus Christ, Jonny! Why do you always have to be such an asshole?"
Jonny just looked at Cherie sheepishly. Everyone moved away angrily, wiping themselves off, but Jonny didn't care.
He had taken a perverse pleasure in the annoyance of others, despite the bullying he endured as a result, since elementary school, and it had only become more pronounced when he'd started JC that fall.
But he was worried about Cherie.
He'd had a crush on her since high school, but never had the balls to ask her out. She looked at him as a child, even though they were the same age.
Their families were friendly, and as far back as she could remember Jonny had filled her with disgust and loathing.
The year before, during a barbecue, Cherie's mother had insisted she be polite and go with Jonny to see his aquarium. But his room had that musty smell she realized later was the aroma of masturbation sans ventilation, and she had almost thrown up onto the potato salad.
She hated him.
Jonny loved her.
He was still a virgin, and had often cried himself to sleep as bitter semen dried on his stomach following fantasies of their wedding night.
Cherie looked at him hatefully.
"Fucking moron!"
Cherie turned to her boyfriend, TJ. "Can we just go, please?"
"Aw, c'mon babe. We're gonna prank the Raelians as soon as Jimbo's drunk enough. It'll be a blast."
"Then get rid of Jonny."
"Babe, he paid for the kegs. And the Jager." TJ laughed. "And all the pot."
"I'm sick of him."
"Cherie, he's retarded. Have a little compassion."
"You don't live next door to him. He watches me with his binoculars and beats off."
TJ's smile faded. He looked over at Jonny, still on his knees on the floor. A couple of the guys were forcing his head down to lick up the beer he'd wasted.
"I got an idea." TJ winked at Cherie.
+++++
TJ cut the lights and allowed the van to coast down the hill to the edge of the compound.
He slowed to a stop just shy of the west gate and cut the motor. He checked the rear view.
Jimbo was making out with that ugly slut from the Sac n Save. Jesus, TJ thought, how drunk would I have to be to tap that shit?
Cherie turned around, and in the dark of the van it looked like Jonny was rubbing himself through his jeans while watching that horror show bitch slobber all over Jimmy.
"Jonny, gross!"
Jonny shoved his hands under his thighs and tried to look innocent.
"Quiet," TJ hissed. "You're gonna blow it."
They got out of the van, and walked over to the gate. TJ pulled away some of the ivy that covered it, and peered through.
"Bingo!"
Past the gate, in the distance, was an open-air tent, lit from underneath. What they saw was indeed as strange as all the stories. Dozens of Raelians were dancing naked under the tent and its periphery.
It was rumored they worshipped aliens, and this weird old dude went on CNN last year, talking about spaceships and cloning. Most people just steered clear of them.
Jimbo walked over, pulling his ugly date along. Jonny followed, but didn't seem interested in the Raelians.
"I'll bet there's not a one of 'em under seventy-five," Jimbo said, drunkenly.
Sac-dog had her hand down his pants. TJ could see a long string of drool hanging from Jonny's open mouth as he stared at Jimbo's crotch. Cherie noticed, too.
"Jonny, gross!"
Jonny jerked himself to attention.
TJ pulled him to the side.
"Okay, Jonny. Remember what I told you?"
Jonny nodded eagerly, like a stupid puppy.
"Go get 'em!"
Jonny walked over to the gate, and started climbing.
TJ, Jimbo, Sac-dog, and Cherie walked back to the van, giggling.
Jonny called from the top of the gate.
"Where are you going?"
"We'll be right here. Keep going," said TJ.
"Don't leave me!" Jonny looked like he was crying.
TJ walked over to the gate and looked up at him.
"Do you want to see a naked woman, or not?"
"Yes."
"Not like those stupid cheerleader shots. Some real beaver."
Jonny nodded again, stupidly.
"All right, then. Just drop down and sneak up to the tent. There's plenty of 'em. You've got the camera, right?"
Jonny felt for the camera. "Yes."
"Then go. We can sell the pictures to channel 8 and buy you some of those magazines you like."
Jonny smiled broadly. He dropped to the other side. And screamed.
TJ pulled aside the ivy. "Quiet. They'll hear you."
"I think I broke my ankle," Jonny moaned.
"Don't be such a pussy."
Jonny was crying now.
"Aw, fuck," TJ said. He turned back to the van. Cherie was leaning against it with a look of disgust. Jimbo and the Sac-n-Slut where nowhere to be seen, but the van was rocking pretty good and TJ had an idea just how drunk his buddy was.
TJ ran over to Cherie. "We have to climb over and get him."
"WHAT?" Cherie yelled. The rocking van squeaked rhythmically behind her, punctuating her speech.
"I'M"- squeak - "NOT"- squeak - "GOING"- squeak - "IN" - squeak - "THERE" - squeak - "ASSHOLE!"
TJ opened the door of the van. The Sac-whore's face was right at crotch level. Jimbo was plowing her from behind, and with the door open he was about to fuck her right out of the vehicle.
"Little help, Jimbo."
Sac's head hit TJ's crotch as Jimbo thrust into her.
"Wait...a...second," said Jimbo, breathlessly.
On each word, Sac-girl's face smacked into TJ's belt buckle, and she let out a little squeal of her own to go with the van's rusty springs.
TJ slid the door closed, smacking Sac-whore in the head, and walked around to the driver's side. He turned on the dome light, and reached past Jimbo.
He yanked Sac-slut's head back by the hair so Jimbo could get a good look at the face of the owner of the pussy he'd been pounding.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jimbo had apparently sobered up enough that the sight of the Sac n Slave's horrific visage finally registered, and he pulled the thing he called a dick out of her and scrambled out of the van, yanking his pants up.
"SweetmotherofgodI'llneverdrinkagainjustpleaseohpleasegetthatfaceoutofmyhead!"
Cherie just looked at TJ with that look she had. No pussy tonight, he thought.
"Fuck it. Let's do this."
TJ helped Jimbo up and they both climbed to the top, dropping next to the whimpering Jonny. It was a lot scarier on this side, TJ had to admit.
But something smelled rank.
"Goddamn, Jonny!"
"They scared the shit out of him," Jimbo giggled.
Jonny whispered, "Look."
TJ and Jimbo did, and nearly fainted. Standing all around them were naked senior citizens.
And boy, did they look pissed.
+++++
The old man glided through the wall just as Jonny was stirring. Two clones entered through the door.
The old man rolled Jonny over, ever so gently, and slit the back of his jeans with the flick of a finger.
His robe opened like wings, and an enormous reptilian penis snaked out, each head moving independently of the other, but with a common destination.
He spread Jonny's legs and entered his rectum.
+++++
"So we booked over the gate and took off."
"What about Jonny?"
"Fuck him. I ain't hangin' around waiting for hop-a-long virgin to get over the fence."
"That's cold, dude."
"Besides, maybe he got lucky."
User Reviews
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:14:57 (#)
Ranking: -2
didnt read. too scared.
That's okay, jon-boy. I'll summarize. You get ass fucked by a huge forked Raelian cock.
Kinda like I ass fucked your shitty story.
I think I like this contest. Write something else so I can re-imagine it better.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
didnt read
Submitted by ColchesterDr (user info) at 2006-07-08 12:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
more of a 1.5 but I'll round up
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-07-08 10:10:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Shall we have a 'who can write the longest post' competition?.
Oh...Look.
You win.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-08 04:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no
Submitted by WatchMyStep (user info) at 2006-07-08 00:33:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-07 22:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Now you can fuck yourself, Chief.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-07 21:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:56:48 (#)
Ranking: -2
Everything you ever wanted to know about KindaNews
User id: 26573
Registered on or around: 2006-04-23 01:08:06
# Messages posted: 16
# Reviews written: 63
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 172
# Hits: 3796
Average rating of all messages: -1.30
-------------
BWAHAHAHHHAAAHHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Dipshit.
HAHAHA!! Bubba checked my history. That's the uberquivalent of an AIDS test! Now we can fuck.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-07-07 21:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha
I just rated the other one, and then I saw this.
I think JonnyX and the whole contest is stupid.
Why just blindly invite anyone and everyone to re-do the work of others?
But this was funny, in the context of Jonny's contest.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-07-07 21:07:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i didnt really read it
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-07-07 21:05:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
needs more cock suckery
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-07-07 21:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jonny x is a douche. i think hes a woman.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-07-07 21:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-07-07 21:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-07-07 21:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loved
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-07-07 21:01:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:56:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Everything you ever wanted to know about KindaNews
User id: 26573
Registered on or around: 2006-04-23 01:08:06
# Messages posted: 16
# Reviews written: 63
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 172
# Hits: 3796
Average rating of all messages: -1.30
-------------
BWAHAHAHHHAAAHHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Dipshit.
Submitted by carbon (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:53:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:39:47 (#)
Ranking: -2
Time to get this dogshit off the front page.
Ooh, yeah, baby. Exercise that manly dominance. A little over to the left. Ahhhhhh, that's right. There.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:48:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This fucking blew- I couldn't understand it and it didn't help that it kept my interest for about threelines - but if it was a slam on ANY other Uberite, I'm all for it.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:48:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:43:20 (#)
Ranking: -2
You couldn't be the leader of your own asshole.
You applying for the job, snookums?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:43:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
But how was the dialogue, bubba? I especially want your opinion on that.
----------------------------
The dialogue was heavy, dude. Fresh, far out, heavy, rad, and groovy.
<hurls>
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:43:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:42:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Bubba, I'm so sorry.
You can be the leader of the Raelians.
-------------------
You couldn't be the leader of your own asshole.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:43:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But how was the dialogue, bubba? I especially want your opinion on that.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bubba, I'm so sorry.
You can be the leader of the Raelians.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Moronic drivel. . .
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Time to get this dogshit off the front page.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for slamming JohnnyX.
-2 for slamming others.
-2 for being a fucking idiot.
Where's the -6 button?
You are a fucking moron.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:37:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:29:39 (#)
Ranking: -2
Ooooh can I play Sacwhore in the stage version? Or is that role already taken by your mom?
I wrote it for you, doll face.
(My mom's playing Jimbo, so you'll get to 'work' with her, though.)
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:33:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I dig it.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ooooh can I play Sacwhore in the stage version? Or is that role already taken by your mom?