Don't Hate America (698 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.55 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Gar Ward <garypua.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-07-09 16:59:41 EDT
There are people in the world who hate Americans, people who
think Americans are self-absorbed, insincere, and arrogant,
and to such people, I have only one thing to say: I am not
an American.
Well, in many ways, I am. Such as the way I feel sorry for
myself because my car, unlike so many others on the road,
doesn't have enough room for an elephant. Which means, of
course, that I'll never be of much use to the circus.
Then there's the way I get impatient when I have to wait for
my lunch, all because the microwave is too slow. "Two whole
minutes!" I mutter. "I should have gone for some fast food."
But such quirks of American life are besides the point. The
point is, anyone who hates Americans does not really know
Americans, just as anyone who hates Mexicans does not really
know Salma Hayek. (Note to wife: I'm referring to Ms.
Hayek's acting ability, which is, in a word, HOT.)
Unfortunately, hating Americans is a pastime in some parts
of the world, almost as popular as camel racing. Many Arabs,
for example, hate Americans so much, it's truly amazing that
they're willing to sell America their oil.
Middle Eastern bumper sticker: "I hate Americans, but love
their big cars."
Tell people in Cairo that a group of Americans went near a
holy mosque and they'll probably go on a massive riot, never
mind that the mosque happened to be in New York.
Some extremists believe that Muslims should have nothing to
do with Americans, a rule that's not always easy to follow,
especially for millions of Muslim Americans. "OK, I'm going
to be a Muslim during the day and an American at night. And
perhaps an Independent on weekends."
The "liberation" of Iraq notwithstanding, America has done
little to lessen the hatred -- or even try to understand it.
And it's only getting worse. One Iranian man is even
considering giving up sex, because he heard that Americans
like to do it, too. Another Iranian, upon hearing that
Americans like to sing and dance, gasped and said, "Oh no.
The Americans are so much like us. If I hear that they love
their children, too, I might have to kill myself."
What so many people don't understand is how strongly
Americans believe in freedom and equality -- and not just
for themselves. You may doubt the motives of the government
in invading Iraq, you may question America's terribly
inconsistent foreign policy, but trust me on this: many
Americans would risk their lives to free other people around
the world, even if the people had no idea where to find oil.
Most Americans believe in freedom of religion and will
support your right to worship whomever you please. Even if
you decided to worship a merry-go-round, you'd have no
trouble getting a few Americans to support you. Well, at
least Michael Jackson.
America was once a land of slavery, but most Americans today
aren't interested in controlling other people. They're too
busy trying to control their children.
I'm not saying Americans are better than Australians,
Zimbabweans or anyone else in the world. I'm just saying
they don't deserve the hatred; they're more deserving of
respect, admiration -- and, yes, even love.
User Reviews
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-07-11 01:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto unannounced poetry -2, namely because you're not Orgasmatron.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-10 10:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and why not
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-07-10 10:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is this supposed to look like a rubbish poem?
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-07-10 10:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Only read half way through and got bored. Nothing worse than trying to stick up for Americans. THEY SUCK! The reason they suck so bad is that they infect everything, the media mainly. Just because American made the world trade oil in $, the rest of the world had to buy those $ from them. This leaves America rich enough to make "the best" / the most movies and TV shows. This leaves the rest of the world influenced by the horrible American in them and growing up thinking it's OK to say and do what the yanquees do. I hate Americans more than Osama does, and I'm British.
Should have stuck with the empire you fat, ugly, retarded motherfuckers!
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2006-07-10 04:05:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love this line:
"The "liberation" of Iraq notwithstanding, America has done
little to lessen the hatred -- or even try to understand it."
Sarcasm can be so easily lost via the written word.
Submitted by GrayGhost (user info) at 2006-07-10 03:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting note. It's also worth noting that the US has the third largest population in the world, behind only China and India, which does much to explain why the US has such influence over the global economy, and henceforth, the world. India is an example of high population with an anemic economy and Japan is an example of the exact opposite; one needs both to translate people and/or economic prowess into influece.
BLUF: If you hate the US so much, quit buying our shit.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-07-09 19:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was all kind of sarcastic.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-07-09 18:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hate whatever you want.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-09 18:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-07-09 18:49:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sure I'll go with that... but the problem is you rely heavily on the word MOST.
See... while MOST americans are failry fantastic... some are just fucking useless... while others still are akin to a malignant cancer upon this earth. (see: Bushco.)
I think your list needs a little more substance though:
MOST americans need to take an interest beyond what happens in their own neighbourhoods.
MOST americans need to participate regularily in conversations that involve politics and religion.
MOST americans need to hold their leaders FAR more accountable.
MOST americans should familiarize themselves with the term "democracy" and seek to embrace the true definition of the concept.
r.
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MOST of these people are bible-belt rednecks. I say to end the ignorance and stupidity, we bomb them. That's right. America will participate in ethnic cleansing of the largest scale known to man. America is commited to ending the race known as "Ignorant American", and we'll kill ourselves to do it if we have to.
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-07-09 18:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wal-Mart ruins America.
Did you hear about the chick who gave birth at Wal-Mart? She was so fat she didn't know she was pregnant. That makes me hate Wal-Mart customers too, especially if that individual's stupidity is indicative of the stupidity of all customers.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-07-09 18:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sure I'll go with that... but the problem is you rely heavily on the word MOST.
See... while MOST americans are failry fantastic... some are just fucking useless... while others still are akin to a malignant cancer upon this earth. (see: Bushco.)
I think your list needs a little more substance though:
MOST americans need to take an interest beyond what happens in their own neighbourhoods.
MOST americans need to participate regularily in conversations that involve politics and religion.
MOST americans need to hold their leaders FAR more accountable.
MOST americans should familiarize themselves with the term "democracy" and seek to embrace the true definition of the concept.
r.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-09 18:30:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-09 17:24:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
So many people around the world hate America. That must be why
several million attempt to move here (legally or otherwise) each
year.
This is true, but it's not the hole story. Thousands each month illegally immigrate to Bubba's ass, drawn by easy access and roomy accomodations. But, eventually it will fill up, and where will they go, then?
Tighter control is impossible. Resources are stretched thin.
There is no simple answer, but for pennies a day, you can adopt one of Bubba's ass munchers, and rest in the knowledge you did your part to control this movement.
Thank you, and God bless.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-07-09 18:19:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
KUMBAYA etc.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-09 17:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So many people around the world hate America. That must be why
several million attempt to move here (legally or otherwise) each
year.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-07-09 17:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you're not helping.
Submitted by awj002 (user info) at 2006-07-09 17:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
yes but I hate America because of big oil companies, Wal-Mart, racism, arrogance (you mentioned that one) and conservatives. salma hayek and camel racing and Iranians have nothing to do with it.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-07-09 17:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like America, it' the Americans that get on my nerves sometimes.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-07-09 17:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm quite fond of americans. In a kind of perverse love/hate I-will-never-accept-ice-tea-as-anything-other-than-an-abomination way.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-07-09 17:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know what sucks more than America?
Unneccessary line breaks.
Submitted by DirtyDoubleEntendre (user info) at 2006-07-09 17:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Americans suck.
And I am one.