A Letter From Scholastic Regarding My Submission of a New "Baby-Sitters Club" Installment (27185 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.77 on 90 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by beeltea (View user info) at 2006-07-10 04:38:24 EDT
Barbara Marcus
President, Scolastic Children's Books
Worldwide Headquarters and Editorial Office
Scholastic, Inc.
Dear Sir:
We are in receipt of your manuscript, and unfortunately have decided against publication at this time. "The Babysitter's Club" book series is indeed struggling to relate to the societal pressures facing the modern adolescent girl, but we feel that there are several aspects of your submission that may not be in line with Ms. Martin's tried and true formula. That being said, your attempt to modernize the storyline and characters is not without merit, so I have personally taken the time to go over some problems we had with your particular manuscript.
First of all, while we do indeed understand that teen pregnancy is a growing problem that needs to be addressed, we feel the working title, "Mary Anne is Two Weeks Late", might not be concurrent with the BSC theme. We also feel that her boyfriend Logan should definitely not be pacing outside the bathroom in the first chapter while Mary Anne takes a home pregnancy test, muttering his doubts about it "even being his".
While it is true that at her age it is natural for Abby Stevenson to be a tad curious, the encounter she has in chapter four with Mallory seems a bit contrived. As she is a bit of an outcast and has always been shy in the previous books, we don't feel that she would be the one to initiate this kind of "romantic" encounter. We also feel that the subject matter in this chapter may not be appropriate for our younger readers. Please delete the reference on page 57 regarding Abby's "earth-shaking orgasm".
In past books, Kristy Thomas has always been honest in her duties as the club's president. I should also make it clear that Kristy would never even think of experimenting with illicit substances, so the argument that she has with Claudia in chapter five about stealing club money to pay for her cocaine habit should probably revolve around some other subject matter.
Dawn Schafer has always been a strict vegetarian, and out of all the characters in the series probably the least likely to develop an eating disorder. The scene where she is in the school bathroom inducing herself to vomit is powerful and dramatic, but I would advise you to read Ms. Martin's previous books a little more closely to pick up on the "normal" behavior of the characters in the series. Even if she did have a problem, Anna would probably be a little more supportive and caring, which means her line on page 78 telling Dawn to "go eat a donut you anorexic bitch" should probably be revised. Question: how did Anna pay for her breast enhancement surgery?
Kristy's boyfriend Bart has always been an open-minded and accepting type of boy, so the line on page 94 where he refers to Emily Michele as a "slant-eyed gook" is probably out of bounds. Furthermore, it goes without saying that he would never refer to Abby Stevenson as "a snot-faced little Jew" as he does later in the same chapter.
Although it is true that Mr. Spier has always been overly strict with his daughter, the climactic scene at the end of the novel when he discover Mary Anne walking out of Planned Parenthood and "beats her within an inch of her life with a studded belt" may be a bit much and should probably be rewritten. We also don't see his killing of Logan Bruno with a crowbar as a particularly wise move, as Logan is a very popular character among the series' readers.
We again apologize for our inability to publish your manuscript at this time. We are looking forward to your revised submission and hope that you will continue modernizing the experiences of these characters as they begin their tumultuous high school years. Indeed; the new chapters in the series must continue to maintain the theme of previous books while also introducing issues that face the modern teenager. With that being said however, your plans for the next book in the series; "Kristy Starts a Web-Cam Business" is probably not headed in the right direction.
Sincerely,
Ms. Barbara Marcus
User Reviews
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-06-18 21:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this a while ago. Funny.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-04-27 11:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh, and go here, which is original: http://www.ubersite.com/m/94761
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-03-03 05:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This post is on Bored At Work against the consent of it's writer. It's writer was writing this merely as an exercise at the time, recognizes its plagiary, expresses his apologies to the original writer, but wants to say the following:
1. I never submitted this to Bored At Work.
2. The Image was made first, and then afterwards the letter was written to explain it.
3. The letter was written while drunk.
4. I must have memorized quite a bit, because the wording is the same.
5. I, nor anybody else, has gotten paid nor ever will be paid as a result of this.
6. Ubersite, you can suck my balls.
Thank you.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2007-02-27 23:31:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty funny. It starts to drag on towards the end. The first 4 or 5 paragraphs are gold though.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-02-26 04:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
yeah well so do i... good lord this is what is B@W... I wish this post would stop garnering hits, shrivel up in a cave somewhere and die. Or at least get off of B@W.
Submitted by greEn_uGly (user info) at 2007-02-25 16:14:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-11-09 05:24:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
If you have had this on a personal blog for over a year, then the author of the other piece has plagiarised your original one. Read through the piece, it's basically identical.
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i think the hardy boys one is funnier..
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i think it's a big improvement on the original series
Submitted by Lizz_Zero (user info) at 2006-11-13 12:07:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think its a little sad that you used actual characters names implying that you actually read these novels. The idea is great though and the picture made me laugh.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-11-13 11:57:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-11-09 05:24:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you have had this on a personal blog for over a year, then the author of the other piece has plagiarised your original one. Read through the piece, it's basically identical.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-11-09 02:18:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have never seen this. This has been on a personal blog of mine for well over a year with edits and so forth. Not only that, but it's the same style as everything else I write. This is original material, so both of you can suck it.
I'm going to get you two a "jump to conclusions" mat.
It's got different conclusions that you "jump" to.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-11-08 21:46:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't want to fly off the handle like last time, when it turned out the author of the Uber post had submitted it to another site, but this definitely appears to be plagiarism, specifically changed so as to avoid detection.
Good work, asshole.
Submitted by Daedalus (user info) at 2006-11-08 21:28:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, so I'm an idiot and forgot to link to the site from which you lifted your material.
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/7/7dyckman.html
Sorry about that.
Submitted by Daedalus (user info) at 2006-11-08 21:27:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
PLAGIARISM
I don't remember when I first saw the page I've linked below, but it was several months ago. Obviously you saw it too.
Thanks for plagiarizing, dick.
Submitted by mrez (user info) at 2006-11-06 16:04:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-05 11:10:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you more and more.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2006-11-05 10:55:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is genius.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2006-11-02 03:25:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-11-02 02:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DonSturgeon2003 (user info) at 2006-11-02 02:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious!!!!!
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2006-10-29 19:13:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this...a lot.
Going to camp on your other posts now.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-28 15:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best post I've read on Ubersite in a year.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-10-28 14:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-10-27 21:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not entirely sure I'd be surprised if this was true.
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2006-10-27 17:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, I haven't read those books in so long, reading those names brought me warm fuzzies of my childhood.
+2
Submitted by getalife (user info) at 2006-10-26 14:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHA funny shit
asdfsf
sdf
asdf
fe
h
h
gfnymjumhj
fm
ghm
ghm
gm
gm
gmjk,
ki
,
brilliant.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-10-26 10:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please delete the reference on page 57 regarding Abby's "earth-shaking orgasm".
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-26 06:59:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2006-10-25 21:37:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good
Submitted by JohnnyMac (user info) at 2006-10-25 16:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovin it.
Submitted by djhurricane (user info) at 2006-10-25 16:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the type of writing I'd like to read on this site. Nice job.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-25 16:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"go eat a donut you anorexic bitch"
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AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHAHAHAHHA HAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHAHAHHAHA AH AHAHHA AHA HAHA HAHAHA AHA AHA HAH AH AHAAAAAA...
...
...
*snork*
....
*giggle*
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-25 08:00:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are I the Antichrist, you smell dump truck? Crikey one which load of ZAMMO! ON SMACK! The winter of our disco is now! Quack Quack, pay attention me to smell hair.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2006-10-25 07:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny. but this isn't a real letter is it?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-25 07:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woooooo Bart actually DOESN'T have an automatic filter on my name when it comes to B@W submissions!
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-10-25 03:32:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is awesome.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-10-24 00:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94761
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-10-23 15:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuuneeez.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-23 12:35:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this until your latest post but this is good stuff.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-23 07:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the sort of shit that should be on B@W
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-10-23 06:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHJHAHHAHAHAHA
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2006-07-12 17:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-07-12 11:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BUAHHAAHAHAHA!
Submitted by MisterDevious (user info) at 2006-07-12 11:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-07-11 14:42:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+ fucking 2
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
now that i'd love to see in the bookrack at the social services centers.
Submitted by seduce.a.stranger (user info) at 2006-07-11 12:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
beautiful.
...a side note on something like this being called "beautiful". on the popular rock radio station near my home, every week they put songs together and call them "mash-ups". most of them are terrible, but one became popular, and one night a woman called in and told them it was "beautiful". it's just not a response people expect when they put together CCR and Janet Jackson, or when they're writing about "Mary Ann is Two Weeks Late".
Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-07-11 10:46:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh you're so cute when you're angry!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-07-11 09:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovely.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-07-11 06:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was kind of disappointed when I saw this wasn't a shandy post (though I kinda knew because of the capitalised title) yet it was still pretty funny.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2006-07-11 06:19:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-07-11 00:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-07-11 00:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fucking awesome! It totally didnt get anywhere near the level of respect it deserved.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-07-11 00:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2006-07-11 00:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BOOYAH
just what the series needs in my opinion
Submitted by dethcow (user info) at 2006-07-10 21:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-07-10 20:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do Superfudge next.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-07-10 20:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-07-10 19:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Much better than that last post of yours...
Which means that I shall go and +2 it because of this one.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-07-10 18:44:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2006-07-10 18:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
greatest post ever.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-07-10 18:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very funny.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-07-10 18:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh my.
This took me back a few years..
Ok, more than a decade...
Ok, fine... maybe almost two decades...
Still, it was funny.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-10 17:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is one of the most amazing posts ever. Thank you.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-07-10 17:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-07-10 17:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Although I call she nanny guns
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-07-10 17:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent work.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-07-10 16:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-07-10 16:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
scary you know all the names of the girls in the book. i haven't read those in like 10 years (last tuesday)
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-07-10 15:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How dare you defame my girls!
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-07-10 14:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious
Submitted by eleanor_rigby (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:51:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was pretty damn funny
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahhahhahahhaha
Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-07-10 12:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-07-08 01:24:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-07-07 13:45:47 (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't understand why you feel it is neccessary to try and insult me.
----
Gee, I don't know why, maybe because...
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Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-07-06 16:53:17 (#)
Ranking: -2
But what you need to understand is that your are a little cunt-apple with an opinion that is worth less than a machine that makes everyone's mouth taste like shit. Of course, you might invest in one after all, since everything you spew from your mouth is a literal piece of shit and you're used to the taste anyway.
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or maybe....
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Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-06-16 11:24:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
And here's one more to remove any doubt that you are, in fact, a fucking base head shit-stain.
----
Or it might even be because...
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Submitted by Webered (user info) at 2006-07-06 16:53:17 (#)
Ranking: -2
this post would be better suited with a button right by your name that says, "Shoot You In The Fucking Face" and showed a live feed of you actually getting shot in the face.
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You're right. Insulting you was WAAAAAY out of line.
Jackass.
---------------------
Yeah, but you see, my insults were funny, smart and sensible. Your's, on the other hand, were dumb, tasteless and pathetic. But enough of simple truths. The real reason this whole vendetta you're so proud of started was because of this comment:
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-07-06 15:51:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
Could somebody please get rid of this idiot? Not only does he post drivel like this often, but he drops multiple -2's on other posts just to be a dick. It's amazing how courageous one can be behind a screen.
You see, I don't like being called out on something I didn't do. It's just not in my nature to turn over and let a random stranger try to pick his dick in my ass, much to everyone's surprise, I'm sure.
In essence, STFU you l@me A@@ n00b. I Are Teh MAstar!
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-07-10 12:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-07-10 09:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-07-10 09:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit FUNNY
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-07-10 09:23:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold.
Submitted by awj002 (user info) at 2006-07-10 08:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-07-10 07:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was wicked! Had me bursting out with laughter at my desk.
Have emailed a link to a friend of mine at Scholastic UK. She'll like this.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-07-10 07:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I laughed at some parts.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-10 07:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ace.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-07-10 07:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The world needs more people like you.
Submitted by Mogakai (user info) at 2006-07-10 06:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was funny.
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-07-10 06:12:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking loved it
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-10 06:06:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What I'm on?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-10 04:55:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2DIE because of the filename!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-10 04:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not horrid. +1 description is valid. It made me smile.
But then again, I'm bored to hell...