The Vigilante (749 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: ets_essays
Rating: 0.68 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (View user info) at 2006-07-10 12:12:51 EDT
I miss recess. I really do.
I can't decide if I miss it, or loathe the thought of it - that edge-of-your-seat anticipation right before the bell rings and the subsequent dash out the door and down the hall...in alternate spats of running and fast-walking as teachers tell you to "stop running", to which you reply, "I'm not running! I'm just walking fast!"
But teachers - debatable as it might sound - aren't stupid. Their mommas didn't raise no fools. Someone had to be made an example. Sometimes it was you. Sometimes it was some other unlucky fool...and sometimes...on rare occasions...it was a whole classroom.
These poor souls had fallen victim to the dreaded 'vigilante teacher'. You know the one...the one whose door happened to be close to the exit...through which all the students poured into the open air of 15 minute freedom in a dead sprint...to arrest the best swing on the swingset...why?...because even if you hated the activity of swinging and had rather be playing football or basketball, the propect of obtaining something coveted before anyone else was too much to pass up. But back to the point - the vigilante teacher.
The vigilante was devious - a worth adversary. Besides usually being the one with the 4 ft. paddle with holes drilled in it and notches carved into the handle, they were also the keepers of the dreaded whistle - the whistle of doom! This whistle, as I'm sure you all are well familiar, is the banshee-scream of death in elementary school. As soon as you heard it, your blood ran cold as ice and your stomach veins tightened into knots around your pop-tart breakfast, especially when it was accompanied by your own surname preceded by the prefix "Mr." or "Miss". At that moment, you knew the world was over. There would be no passing of "Go". There would be no 200 dollars. Your ass was going to hell. And your soul belonged to the vigilante.
Anything short of placing fishing line across the bottom of the doorway that could be pulled taut the moment an offender passed with excessive speed, sending them hurtling into the spikes already embedded in the sidewalk outside was fair game to the vigilante. The struggle between the he and the offender is an epic struggle for freedom and justice that spans the chasms of time and geography. I am secure in the thought that someone, somewhere, right now, is feeling the wrath of the vigilante as their name is yelled from inside the last classroom before freedom's door.
I hate that bastard. You imagine him/her to this day, sneaking around in other people's bushes at night, peering through their windows, trying to catch them in the forbidden act of sodomy, at which time they would extract the dreaded whistle from their puke green or baby-blue blouse and hail the coming of the Apocalypse.
My god, now I'm depressed. School really fucking sucked! Jesus, I just realized how much it really sucked. Cold...soulless...drab...sterile...concrete walls...uniform tile floors... Kinda like work is now, except at least in school, you had recess.
Here, in the 'real' world, there are no recesses. There is no door at the end of the hall. There is no freedom beyond. Here, there are no swingsets...there are only whistles...and there are only vigilantes.
User Reviews
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-08-11 17:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-12 20:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-12 19:31:13 (#)
Ranking: -2
This is for continuing to fuck with me.
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I so fucking own your ass at times, it's not even funny, Brad.
Now c'mon, show us your evidence from your independent 9-11 investigation.
I mean, is it in book form, like the 9-11 commission, or is it videos and shit?
C'mon brad, show us the links, good buddy!
SHOW US THE LIGHT AND LEAD US OFF OF THE PATH TO HELL, OH PERFECT SAVIOR!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-12 19:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yay! ETS is retaliating against me with -2's!
You want proof I'm getting to you, cockfag?
THAT'S my proof.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-12 16:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-12 16:17:13 (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
1.1???
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-07-11 19:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Needs less ETS.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-07-10 20:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I ended up getting some eggplant with fried tofu in garlic sauce
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-07-10 19:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to go buy a hot dog
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-07-10 18:57:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-10 18:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BigD (user info) at 2006-07-10 16:00:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
my entire career at school was one of misery. From elementary through my Junior year I went to 16 different schools.
In 9th grade I was on a pay phone talking to my mom. I felt sick and wanted to go home. The principal walked by and pressed the hang up button during the middle of my call, then he told me to go to class.
I said, "you wanna give me my 50 cents back?" He told me to get to class right away. I tried to place another call on the pay phone, and he hung it up again.
I said, "fuck that, I'm sick, I'm walking home." He told me to stop, and tried to grab my arm. I took off running and he shouted he would suspend me. I ran to the door, and kicked it open with my foot, the SALM! I was on my face and he had me pinned down. My face hit the tile hard, and I momentarily blacked out. My face was bruised.
I kicked and fough and managed to roll over, and I tried to throe him off of me, and he was pressing me down. I yelled punched and kicked to no avail, then he led me to his office. Then he called the police officer, said that I attacked him, and he had to restrain me, and thats how i got the bruise.
No one believed my version of the story
I got charged with assault on a school employee or something and had to spend 4 months in a State Detention Center.
Lower Education can blow me!
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You should have hunted him down and fucked him up with a baseball bat.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-07-10 17:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BigD (user info) at 2006-07-10 16:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my entire career at school was one of misery. From elementary through my Junior year I went to 16 different schools.
In 9th grade I was on a pay phone talking to my mom. I felt sick and wanted to go home. The principal walked by and pressed the hang up button during the middle of my call, then he told me to go to class.
I said, "you wanna give me my 50 cents back?" He told me to get to class right away. I tried to place another call on the pay phone, and he hung it up again.
I said, "fuck that, I'm sick, I'm walking home." He told me to stop, and tried to grab my arm. I took off running and he shouted he would suspend me. I ran to the door, and kicked it open with my foot, the SALM! I was on my face and he had me pinned down. My face hit the tile hard, and I momentarily blacked out. My face was bruised.
I kicked and fough and managed to roll over, and I tried to throe him off of me, and he was pressing me down. I yelled punched and kicked to no avail, then he led me to his office. Then he called the police officer, said that I attacked him, and he had to restrain me, and thats how i got the bruise.
No one believed my version of the story
I got charged with assault on a school employee or something and had to spend 4 months in a State Detention Center.
Lower Education can blow me!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-10 15:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-07-10 15:23:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
The parachute, I remember it well. Was it supposed to teach teamwork or something?
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I guess in a socialistic kinda way, maybe.
This was also back in the days of film projectors and LPs as the predominant media. The good state of Kentucky supplied us with record players and film projectors - the state of the art in educational media.
For those too young to have experienced this, the teacher would put the film strip on the projector, which had to be turned manually. They would also put a record on the record player and played it. A narrator would talk about the images on the screen or a story would be told along with them while one lucky student got to turn to the next picture when they heard the sound on the record: "BLLLLLLING".
It was a coveted position to turn the film projector and every hand would be raised when the teacher asked for volunteers.
I remember once getting into the dictionaries at the back of the class and discovering that the word "sex" was in there, along with crude illustration of sexual organs. This was 3rd grade. I couldn't resist showing a select assortment of my classmates this brilliant discovery. Thus began my life-long career in rogue journalism and fighting the system.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-07-10 15:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-10 15:02:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-07-10 14:42:16 (#)
Ranking: 1
I moved around so much and went to so many different schools growing up that I don't even remember if I ever had a vigilante teacher like this.
The only thing I really remember is that in 3rd grade we had a retarded club and all we used to do was roll down the big hill to the field below during recess and after school. We called ourselves the Rolling Stones. I have no idea why we thought this was so cool but our parents sure didn't think it was when we kept ruining our clothes with grass stains. Kids can be so lame.
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There was a big hill leading down to our playground too. I remember we used to have a parachute in gym class that everyone would gather round and stretch out, raising it up and down for some reason. I don't know WHAT that was all about, come to think of it. Sometimes we'd put the thing down and sit, playing duck duck goose.
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The parachute, I remember it well. Was it supposed to teach teamwork or something?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-10 15:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-07-10 14:42:16 (#)
Ranking: 1
I moved around so much and went to so many different schools growing up that I don't even remember if I ever had a vigilante teacher like this.
The only thing I really remember is that in 3rd grade we had a retarded club and all we used to do was roll down the big hill to the field below during recess and after school. We called ourselves the Rolling Stones. I have no idea why we thought this was so cool but our parents sure didn't think it was when we kept ruining our clothes with grass stains. Kids can be so lame.
----------------
There was a big hill leading down to our playground too. I remember we used to have a parachute in gym class that everyone would gather round and stretch out, raising it up and down for some reason. I don't know WHAT that was all about, come to think of it. Sometimes we'd put the thing down and sit, playing duck duck goose.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-07-10 14:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I moved around so much and went to so many different schools growing up that I don't even remember if I ever had a vigilante teacher like this.
The only thing I really remember is that in 3rd grade we had a retarded club and all we used to do was roll down the big hill to the field below during recess and after school. We called ourselves the Rolling Stones. I have no idea why we thought this was so cool but our parents sure didn't think it was when we kept ruining our clothes with grass stains. Kids can be so lame.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-10 14:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-07-10 14:27:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
It didn't suck. It's just growing up.
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When I think of elementary school, it almost makes me physically sick. Seriously.
You know how when you dream you're back in school sometimes?
Those dreams, to me, are nightmares.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-07-10 14:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It didn't suck. It's just growing up.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-07-10 14:24:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello, Bradley.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-10 14:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:18:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
I finally got my land dude, see a few posts down.
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Man, that's fucking great. Congratulations!
You'll have to invite me camping sometime. ;)
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not trying hard enough. I don't think any of the kids at school properly hate me.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah... having just graduated from the high school, this strikes a chord with me.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The thing I remember most about elementary school was the superintendent coming into the lunchroom and smacking his paddle on a lunch table to shut us up. So loud, it broke the sonic barrier.
That was one hell of a paddle.
Oh, and getting kicked in the junk for the first time by the school bully in seventh grade was an incident I'll never forget, either. Makes me wish I'd never rebounded that basketball off of his head.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I finally got my land dude, see a few posts down.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-07-10 12:29:17 (#)
Ranking: 1
I had a vigilante lunch lady, she was in charge of the door at the end of the day. You'd sit in class and when they called your bus you ran down and she let you out the door and onto the bus. Kim was my buddy and we never took the bus, we were rebels. One day we're hoping from pillar to pillar along the outgoing driveway, waving at friends as they rode bye on the buses. There are cars parked along those pillars and Mrs.Frailey swore up and down to the Principle that we were walking on top of cars. Having troubled pasts with the school we of course were not believed and had to do papers, were suspended and served detention for it all.
Fucking cunt...I didn't step one foot on any of those cars.
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I believe you and feel your pain.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Everyone's a vigilante at my school.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-07-10 12:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You also missed a few showers.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-07-10 12:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I had a vigilante lunch lady, she was in charge of the door at the end of the day. You'd sit in class and when they called your bus you ran down and she let you out the door and onto the bus. Kim was my buddy and we never took the bus, we were rebels. One day we're hoping from pillar to pillar along the outgoing driveway, waving at friends as they rode bye on the buses. There are cars parked along those pillars and Mrs.Frailey swore up and down to the Principle that we were walking on top of cars. Having troubled pasts with the school we of course were not believed and had to do papers, were suspended and served detention for it all.
Fucking cunt...I didn't step one foot on any of those cars.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-07-10 12:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh no one fucked my class around. One bus driver did. After three years of abuse she quit, and I'm fairly certain topped herself. Who knows. Oh and the writing was ok, paddles (???), meh.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-07-10 12:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GDR (user info) at 2006-07-10 12:21:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I never remember a paddle in school, so +1 only.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-07-10 12:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my boss got stuck in the elevator last week
when the power went out.
it was priceless.