Uberia wars part 4 - Espionage, turtle sex, and more! (728 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Uberia
Rating: 1.61 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fungah (View user info) at 2006-07-10 12:14:22 EDT
"Keep to the wall! Keep to the wall! God damnit Jenson keep to the wall!"
Machine gun fired rained down from the top of the wall onto the two soldiers, garbed in the surreptitious uniform of their country, the ninja turtle costume.
The kingdom of the fisted Shamone it would seem, was sealed tighter than a virgin asshole, in stark contrast to the freely flapping rectal lips of its king.
Far across the land in Shlongystan a similar scene repeated itself, with sharks taking the place of machine gun fire. The sharks were thrown ravenous from the parapets of that gated kingdom, and mowed down on the spies below.
Deep in the bowels of the kingdom of the fisted shamone, in the sacred interrogational rectory of its king, one of the surviving spies was being intensely shat upon with a spraying flurry of tasteless questions.
"Who do you work for? What do you wish to gain from spying on us? What do you have to gain from spying on us? Why did you think you could sneak unnoticed into our kingdom at 3 in the afternoon wearing a ninja turtle costume?"
The spy was silent. He was loyal to his master.
Across the land Shlongy sat in his opulent throne room. Water trickled from hidden fountains in the walls, the rich marble floor was adorned with a coloured paste made from the crushed bones of his defeated enemies. His famed -2 lolled from his hand as he laid reclined across his throne, eating grapes from the shaking hand of a crying slave girl. A servant ran into the room, clutching close to his chest a roll of parchment. The velum rattled in the slave's hands as he stood before the throne of his king, the ruler and regeant of Shlongystan.
Bowing deeply the messenger said through quaking teeth: "Sire, a message." King Shlongy gripped tight his minus two, and with the snap of oversized robes whipping in with his speed said: "What is it?"
"It's a message sir. The return address says: The kingdom of the fisted Shamone."
King Shlongy leaned forward. "Read it" He said. His eyes glowed like coals in the light of the fading day.
"Ahem...
Oh mister king,
of Shlongystan,
What a wonderful thing,
I've stolen your golden can,
your other throne,
poulent and rich,
is now in my bathroom, at my home,
shat in by me and my bitch.
Ha ha! The joke is played
the game is made.
Shlongy was thrown into a fury. He roused the armies of Shlongystan, and began rampaging through the streets of Shlongystan clubbing unsuspecting subjects with the golden -2 late into the night.
Far away a secretive meeting was joined. The kingdom of the fisted Shamone's most glorious king orgasmatron sat at one end of a rich mahogany table. Awesomeface sat across from him, twirling a face between his fingers. The coin glinted in the flourescent glow of the industrially lit basement. The light bathed the room in fury. Where there were no shadows, there could be no secrets.
"Our spies report that Shlongystan is rousing its armies, preparing to march on my kingdom" Said Orgasmatron.
"As you know Shlongystan has grown large. Once the chief importer of our primary export, poetry, Shlongystan has long since ceased buying it. You are all our neighbours. It is assumed Shlongy will meet little resistance on the great planes of Bart, we cannot count on our most cruel and vindictive god to strike him down on his long march."
"That's totally BOSH!" Said The representative of the kingdom of BOSH, punching Earl Scruggs in the face as he did so. Earl Scruggs whimpered and curled into the fetal position, held in place by chains to the table. The representative of the kingdom of BOSH lit seven cigarettes.
LSD420 quickly jumped up from the table, proclaimed that Orgasmatron was a rat, and that his kingdom wished to have no part in where this questioning was leading. Running naked from the room, he masturbated furiously as he escaped into the night.
"How the fuck did he get in here?" Asked Jonnyx.
"Through passages most secret,
he found this room because he seeked it"
"I see." Said Awesomeface.
"This threat of Shlongystan threatens us all... Our ancient bonds still hold us, I fear war must inevitably be the result."
What would later be known as the council of the Uberian alliance talked long into the night...
Far underground, Fungah sat on his throne of car parts and llamma fur, tented his fingers, and laughed. A ninja turtle whispered in his ear. In front of him, his many minions mated furiously, in the largest orgy of the country's extended, surreptitious history. There would soon be war, and Fungahzan would be there to pick up the pieces.
Fungah laughed, and his rich laugh echoed through his subterranean throne room as Leonardo blew a nut in Raphael's eye.
-------
It took a while but I finally got around to it. Enjoy.
User Reviews
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-07-29 17:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
include more of me next time.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-07-29 17:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's all this shit about me masturbating furiously? did i say that in a post? not enough LSD.
+1.5 for you.
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-20 21:48:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I love this post in a very very innapropriate way.
Thank you for the accurate character portrail. I do masturbate a lot, don't I?
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-07-12 08:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wait for it....
waaaait for iiiit....
I LOVE FUNGAH!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-07-11 08:17:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-07-10 16:16:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:50:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Pure shite.
Maybe I'll do part V.
--------
by all means, do.
Let's see what our esteemed colleagues think of it.
=========================
Go for it, KindaNews!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-07-11 01:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-10 20:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuggin gold. Man i love faces.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-10 17:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-07-10 16:16:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:50:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Pure shite.
Maybe I'll do part V.
--------
by all means, do.
Let's see what our esteemed colleagues think of it.
hahaha esteemed. You funny fungus.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-07-10 17:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and then Merlina blew up the world.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-07-10 16:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:50:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Pure shite.
Maybe I'll do part V.
--------
by all means, do.
Let's see what our esteemed colleagues think of it.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pure shite.
Maybe I'll do part V.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent stuff, dude
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:24:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*strokes chin with ideas for Part V*
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-07-10 13:07:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-07-10 12:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah
Part 1:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89138
Part 2:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89232
Part 3:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89405